Gods Behaving Badly

Just shut up. Shut the fuck up, you stupid, uptight, don't drink, don't smoke, don't fuck, don't do anything that might almost be interpreted as fun, sanctimonious little fucking virgin. Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck, I've had enough. I'm not going to this fucking meeting, I don't care what happens to the fucking family, you can tell Athena what the fuck you like, just as long as you get out of my fucking face and stay out of it. - Apollo

Hello," She said. There was a long silence. "Hello," said Artemis again. "Are you talking to me?" said the tree. It had a faint Australian accent. "Yes," said Artemis. "I am Artemis." If the tree experienced any recognition, it didn't show it. "I'm the goddess of hunting and chastity," said Artemis. Another silence. The the tree said, "I'm Kate. I work in mergers and acquisitions for Goldman Sachs." "Do you know what happened to you, Kate?" said Artemis. The longest silence of all. Artemis was just about to repeat the question when the tree replied. "I think I've turned into a tree," it said. "Yes," said Artemis. "You have." "Thank God for that," said the tree. "I thought I was going mad." Then the tree seemed to reconsider this. "Actually," it said, "I think I would rather be mad." Then, with hope in its voice: "Are you sure I haven't gone mad?" "I'm sure," said Artemis. "You're a tree. A eucalyptus. Subgenus of mallee. Variegated leaves." "Oh," said the tree. "Sorry," said Artemis. "But with variegated leaves?" "Yes," said Artemis. "Green and Yellow." The tree seemed pleased. "Oh well, there's that to be grateful for," it said.

There's no direction I can go in. If I met someone else, what meaning would there be left? If the pain goes, does that mean I never loved her? How can I get over it? I can't, I mustn't. But what else am I going to do?

Eros mumbled something. "I'm sorry?" said Aphrodite. "Whatwouldjesusdo." "What would Jesus do?" said Aphrodite. "Let me tell you something. Jesus was a very good boy. He would do exactly what his mother told him to." "But-" "Jesus was supposed to be a god, right?" said Aphrodite. "Ergo, he did revenge. All gods do revenge." "Not exactly. He said you should turn the other-" "What else does your Jesus say?" Aphrodite interrupted. "I thought you didn't care." "Let me see," said Aphrodite. "I remember. 'Honour thy father and mother'." "One, that wasn't Jesus. And two, it's hard to honour your father when there are so many candidates for who he might be." "That's not very nice," said Aphrodite. "You know who your father is. It's your cousin Ares." [...] "I wish the Virgin Mary was my mother," grumbled Eros eventually.

I've never had sex. Never wanted to. Not with a man or a woman or an animal, though my family jokes about it. And I never will. The thought of it disgusts me.

Apollo wanted out. Out of Aphrodite, out of this bathroom, out of this house, and out of this life.

I've never had sex," repeated Artemis. "Never wanted to." It was her turn not to look at him as she spoke. "Not with a man or with a woman, or with an animal, though my family joke about it. And I never will. The thought of it disgusts me. But the others - my family - they think that means I haven't got any feelings. That I could never care about anyone, that I don't know what love is, just because I don't-" she shuddered. "But you know what?" she said, turning to him now. "I really loved my dogs. Everyone laughs at me for it, but it's true. The time I spent with them, running, hunting, those were the happiest times of my life. They understood me. They were animals but they understood me far better than anyone in my family ever will. We shared something, we were the same. And they made me kill them.

Mmm," said Ares, without turning his head. "This war on terror isn't producing enough casualties. Bringing in Iran is the obvious choice, but I don't think they've got enough fire power yet. I wonder if I could somehow antagonize Japan." ... "There's always Russia," said Ares, "but they've been harder to provoke since the end of the Cold War. Why are mortals so hung up on peace?" He shuffled through his papers. "Or maybe it's time to broaden out some of the African civil wars?

And if, at any moment, a part of him started to feel better, he would torture himself all the harder because he didn't want to feel better, because that would mean letting go.

She had hair the colour of' blackmail, a spine as straight as a guillotine, and a face that could sink ships.

Belief is a powerful thing. For mortals, belief changing everything, what they do, how they feel...

Gods were always tricking each other into looking foolish; if they didn't, the world would probably be too bored to keep it going.

There is little a god likes more than watching another god embarrassing himself.

I'd rather be cynical than believe everything anyone ever tells me. There's nothing clever about being gullible just to be nice.

De ha azt kérdezi, az a fajta ember vagyok-e, aki kockára tenné az életét, hogy idegeneket mentsen ki egy égő házból… Nos, nem tudom. Szeretném azt gondolni, hogy igen. De nem vagyok benne biztos. Szerintem az ember nem is lehet benne biztos, míg egyszer próbatétel elé nem állítják.

Neil tudatában volt az idő múlásának, ám az idő alapvető tulajdonságai újabban igencsak eltértek attól, amihez ő szokva volt. Először is az idő két részre esett. Volt az „azelőtt”, az az idő, amely valósnak tűnt, körvonalai élesen kirajzolódtak, rövid volt, no és hát… és hát vége volt. Aztán volt az „azután”, a most. Ennek az időnek nem voltak tulajdonságai, és nem látszott a vége. Lassú, siralmas jelen, jövő nuku, remény nuku. Ocsmány „most”, melybe örökre beleragadt, a kegyetlen, hajthatatlan, befejezett múltnak immár mindig a rossz oldalán. Mely múltat elnézegette, amikor csak kedve támadt, és gyakran olyankor is, amikor semmi kedve nem volt hozzá, megérinteni azonban soha többé nem érinthette meg.

– Talán elkerülte a figyelmedet – felelte Apollón –, hogy a legtöbb halandó legszívesebben senkire sem néz fel, és akire mégis, az pont az, aki éjszakánként az árokban fetreng, lokálokban tobzódik, nem pedig az, aki hajnalban futni jár, és nem kúr.

Fölöttük sorakoztak a könyvei. Neil lakásában mindenütt könyvek voltak, itt-ott elszórva – ugyanis úgy érezte, bármely szoba meztelen nélkülük, ráadásul annyi volt belőlük, hogy el sem fértek volna egy helyen –, itt a kuckóban csak a kedvenceit őrizte: klasszikus sci-fik, fantasyk (csakis a legjobb fajtából) és egy csomó kézikönyv – súlyos, történelmi témájú kötetek, főleg háborúkról, melyek közül nem mindegyiknek ért a végére. Ezeket műfajok szerint csoportosította, azon belül pedig ábécérendben tárolta őket.

Az izzadság tönkreteszi a púdert. Márpedig a csillogó arc a tévésztár halála.

I love you," she interrupted him. "Neil. I can't wait another second to tell you. I love you." "I love you too," said Neil. "That's lovely," said Artemis. "Keep walking.

Hello,” he said. “I the fuck am Neil.

I’m a materialistic bitch.

Excuse me,” interrupted Neil, “enjoyable as this is, I really think you’ve got me mixed up with someone else.

flawless ivory spheres of her buttocks at her nephew,

He wondered whether Alice ever thought about him for even a single second when he wasn't around.

A blow job. Why did people do these things to each other? Artemis felt faintly sick.