“I wake up every morning and think: You know what would be good today? Not dying.”
“So Aphrodite married Hephaestus and the celebrity ship Aphrophaestus completely dominated Olympian tabloid news for like a thousand years. Did they live happily ever after? HAHAHAHAHA. No.”
“He was also the god of (take a deep breath) commerce, languages, thievery, cheeseburgers, trickery, eloquent speaking, feasts, cheeseburgers, hospitality, guard dogs, birds of omen, gymnastics, athletic competitions, cheeseburgers, cheeseburgers and telling fortunes with dice. Okay, I just tossed in the cheeseburgers to see if you were paying attention. Also, I’m hungry.”
“Hermes played a little Mozart and some One Direction, and Apollo cried, ‘I must have it! The girls will go wild for that!”
“I mean, five gods in one stomach—dang. That's enough for doubles tennis, including a ref. They'd been down there so long, they were probably hoping Kronos would swallow down a deck of cards or a Monopoly game.”
“In the beginning. I wasn't there.”
“You're already married!" Hera protested. "To me!"
"Curses!" said Zeus. "Er, I mean, of course, dear.”
“Hey girl," he said, wiggling his eyebrows. "You must be the riptide, 'cause you sweep me off my feet."
He'd be practicing that pickup line for years. He was glad he finally got yo use it.”
“Also, Ares developed a serious fear of jars. I think I'm going to get him a nice one for Christmas.”
“If I ever become a king, I’m totally going to ask him for an army of giant golden acid-spitting llamas. Okay, sorry. I got distracted again.”
“My favorite son!" Gaea cried. "You are awesome! I knew I could count on you, uh... which one are you again?”
“G.I. Joe boxers!’ Apollo screamed. ‘OH—oh, I can’t even... HAHAHAHAHA!’ ‘Aphrodite,’ Athena giggled. ‘You look simply lovely.’ The gods couldn't stop laughing. Soon they were rolling on the floor, wiping tears from their eyes, taking photos with their phones to post on Tumblr.”
“Kronos became the Titan of time. He couldn’t pop around the time stream like Doctor Who or anything, but he could occasionally make time slow down or speed up. Whenever you’re in an incredibly boring lecture that seems to take forever, blame Kronos. Or when your weekend is way too short, that’s Kronos’s fault, too.”
“Incoming!" yelled Poseidon.
They shifted-as much as they could in the cramped space-and Rocky landed in their midst.
"This is not a baby," Hades noticed "I think it's a rock."
He was observant that way.”
“Excuse me, have you seen Death? Big guy with black feathery wings? Likes to reap souls?”
“Theophane gave birth to a magical ram named Krysomallos, who for some reason had wool made of gold. Eventually, Krysomallos would be skinned for his fleece, which became known as the Golden Fleece, which means I am related to a sheepskin rug.”
“Behold, my children!" she said. "The instrument of my revenge. I will call it a scythe!"
The Titans muttered among themselves: What is that for? Why is it curved? How do you spell scythe?”
“If Aphrodite is angry, she might make you fall in love with a toy poodle, or a telephone pole.”
“Hades took off his helm. His complexion was even paler than usual. He had a bad case of helmet hair. He was sweating and nervous and blinking like he had something in his eyes. "I am Hades," he said in a squeaky voice. "I love you.”
“Me, I’m late to meet my girlfriend. Annabeth is going to kill me.
Hope you enjoyed the stories. Stay safe out there, demigods.
Peace from Manhattan,
“Gaea snarled in frustration. "Don't be cowards! It's very simple. You take this sharp pointy blade and you cut your dad into small pieces so he can't bother us again. Whichever of you does this will be the ruler of the universe! Also, I will make you those cookies you used to like, with the sprinkles.”
“Did they live happily ever after?
“You can't swing a cat in Ancient Greece without hitting one of Zeus's ex-girlfriends.”
“You’ve probably met moms like that. You say, “Yeah, I scored a goal in the soccer game last night.” And she says, “Oh, that’s nice. All fourteen of my children are the captains of their teams, and they make straight A’s and can play the violin.” And you just want to smack her.”
“He was proud of his "hometown" goddess, even if he hadn't found his one true pairing (OTP) yet.”
“Maybe the lesson is: Know when to brag and when to keep your mouth shut. Or: Sometimes life isn’t fair, even if you are as gifted as Athena. Or maybe: Don’t give away free tapestries.”
“Ah, but I’m wise ,” Athena said. “Wise enough to make you do it instead.”
“Note to self: If you’re trying not to have kids, don’t marry a lady who is the Titan of motherhood.”
“Hey, for a scythe, cookies, and a chance to commit murder, Kronos could hide his true feelings.”
“ZEUS SUX and TYPHOEUS WUZ HERE.”
“Giving respect is an obligation, not a favor; it is an act of maturity, birthed in a profound understanding of God’s good grace.”
“La memoria sabe de mí más que yo; y ella no pierde lo que merece ser salvado.”
“[There is] a widespread approach to ideas which Objectivism repudiates altogether: agnosticism. I mean this term in a sense which applies to the question of God, but to many other issues also, such as extra-sensory perception or the claim that the stars influence man’s destiny. In regard to all such claims, the agnostic is the type who says, “I can’t prove these claims are true, but you can’t prove they are false, so the only proper conclusion is: I don’t know; no one knows; no one can know one way or the other.”
The agnostic viewpoint poses as fair, impartial, and balanced. See how many fallacies you can find in it. Here are a few obvious ones: First, the agnostic allows the arbitrary into the realm of human cognition. He treats arbitrary claims as ideas proper to consider, discuss, evaluate—and then he regretfully says, “I don’t know,” instead of dismissing the arbitrary out of hand. Second, the onus-of-proof issue: the agnostic demands proof of a negative in a context where there is no evidence for the positive. “It’s up to you,” he says, “to prove that the fourth moon of Jupiter did not cause your sex life and that it was not a result of your previous incarnation as the Pharaoh of Egypt.” Third, the agnostic says, “Maybe these things will one day be proved.” In other words, he asserts possibilities or hypotheses with no jot of evidential basis.
The agnostic miscalculates. He thinks he is avoiding any position that will antagonize anybody. In fact, he is taking a position which is much more irrational than that of a man who takes a definite but mistaken stand on a given issue, because the agnostic treats arbitrary claims as meriting cognitive consideration and epistemological respect. He treats the arbitrary as on a par with the rational and evidentially supported. So he is the ultimate epistemological egalitarian: he equates the groundless and the proved. As such, he is an epistemological destroyer. The agnostic thinks that he is not taking any stand at all and therefore that he is safe, secure, invulnerable to attack. The fact is that his view is one of the falsest—and most cowardly—stands there can be.”
“Like anybody can tell you, I am not a very nice man. I don't know the word. I have
always admired the villain, the outlaw, the son of a bitch. I don't like the clean-shaven
boy with the necktie and the good job. I like desperate men, men with broken teeth
and broken minds and broken ways. They interest me. They are full of surprises and
explosions. I also like vile women, drunk cursing bitches with loose stockings and
sloppy mascara faces. I'm more interested in perverts than saints. I can relax with
bums because I am a bum. I don't like laws, morals, religions, rules. I don't like to be
shaped by society.”
“Infinite Spirit open the way for great abundance for — —. She is an irresistible magnet for all that belongs to her by divine right.”
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