Quotes from Third Grave Dead Ahead

Darynda Jones ·  310 pages

Rating: (33.5K votes)


“Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. -T-Shirt”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. (T-Shirt)”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“There is a great need for a sarcasm font.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“If life hands you lemons,keep them. Because, hey, free lemons.-T-Shirt”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead



“I know karate, and like two other Japanese words - T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“I chose the road less traveled. Now I'm lost.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. - T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“Never trust a man with a penis.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“Holy shit, are you positive?"
"As a pregnancy test a month after prom.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead



“Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way.
"It's three thirty in the morning."
"Okay. Want coffee?”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is NOT for you. (BUMPER STICKER)”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“Time to make today my bitch.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“There comes a moment when you know you just aren't going to do anything esle productive for the rest of the day.-T-Shirt”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“No. This has to do with drugs."
My jaw fell open and I almost lost my toothbrush. "You're on drugs?"
She pressed her mouth together. "No. You are."
"I'm on drugs?" I asked, stunned. I had no idea.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead



“At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“Let me express how much I don't care on a scale of one to bite me," the former detective said.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.”
“You do have that effect on people.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“Oh, my god!" I said, throwing my hands over my eyes and hurtling my body against the counter.
"What?"
"You're naked."
"I'm not naked."
"I'm blind."
"You're not blind. I'm wearing pants."
"Oh." That was embarrassing.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“Before I tell you, I have to know three things," I said.
"Okay."
"One, are you sitting down?"
"Yes."
"Two, are you mentally stable?"
"More than you'll ever be."
Well, that was uncalled for. "And three, how do you spell schizophrenia?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead



“I hardly loathe myself. Have you seen my ass?”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt)”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“if everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane(T-Shirt)”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“Have you slept yet?'
'Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.'
'Didn't you drive there?'
'Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.'
- Charley & Cookie”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“I strode toward Mr. Coffee with lust in my eyes. We'd had a thing for quite some time now Mr. Coffee and I...”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead



“You totally need to watch the news."
"Can't."
"Why?"
"It's too depressing."
"Right, because hanging with dead people isn't.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“But give up my business? The same business I'd built from the ground up with my own two hands and designer Louis Vuittons? The same business for which I'd sacrificed blood, sweat, and tears? Well, maybe not sweat and tears, but there was blood. Lots of blood. Give it up? Not likely. Besides, what else would I do? I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“I was never really certain why he scared the bejesus out of me. Nothing scared me growing up. I’ve been playing with dead people since the day I was born, so it’s good thing, yet the Big Bad scared me. Which brings me to the reason I called.”
“Which was to give me nightmares for the rest of my life?”
“Oh, no, that’s just a plus. Why was I so scared of him?”
“Hon, for one thing he was this powerful, massive, black smokelike being.”
“So, you’re saying I’m a racist?”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


“In a moment of sheer terror, I realized I couldn't feel my brain. It was there just a minute ago. Maybe I really was dead. "Do I look dead to you?”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Third Grave Dead Ahead


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About the author

Darynda Jones
Born place: in The United States
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Popular quotes

“At some point in this course, perhaps even tonight, you will read something difficult, something you only partially understand, and your verdict will be this is stupid. Will I argue when you advance that opinion in class the next day? Why would I do such a useless ting? My time with you in short, only thirty-four weeks of classes, and I will not waste it arguing about the merits of this short story or that poem. Why would I, when all such opinions are subjective, and no final resolution can ever be reached?'

Some of the kids - Gloria was one of them - now looked lost, but Pete understood exactly what Mr. Ricker, aka Ricky the Hippie, was talking about...

'Time is the answer," Mr Ricker said on the first day of Pete's sophomore year. He strode back and forth, antique bellbottoms swishing, occasionally waving his arms. "Yes! Time mercilessly culls away the is-stupid from the not-stupid."
...
"It will occur for you, young ladies and gentlemen, although I will be in your rear-view mirror by the time it happens. Shall I tell you how it happens? You will read something - perhaps 'Dulce et Decorum Est,' by Wilfred Owen. Shall we use that as an example? Why not?'

Then, in a deeper voice that sent chills up Pete's back and tightened his throat, Mr. Ricker cried, " 'Bent double, like old beggars under sacks, Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge...' And son on. Cetra-cetra. Some of you will say, This is stupid."

....
'And yet!" Up went the finger.

"Time will pass! Tempus will fugit! Owen's poem may fall away from your mind, in which case your verdict of is-stupid will have turned out to be correct. For you, at least. But for some of you, it will recur. And recur. Each time it does, the steady march of your maturity will deepen its resonance. Each time that poem sneaks back into your mind, it will seem a little less stupid and a little more vital. A little more important. Until it shines, young ladies and gentlemen. Until it shines.”
― Stephen King, quote from Finders Keepers


“According to the Post, Immigration and Customs Enforcement maintains fifteen detention centers around the country and on any given day there are 35,000 people in custody. Last year ICE detained over 400,000 undocumented workers and deported about the same number, at a cost of over $20,000 per deportee. The entire detention system eats over $2 billion a year. It’s the largest immigrant detention system in the world. In addition to the fifteen ICE facilities, the Feds contract with hundreds of county jails, juvenile detention centers, and state prisons to house their detainees, at a cost of about 150 bucks a day per person, 350 for a family. Two-thirds of all facilities are run by private companies. The more bodies they have, the more money they make. Homeland Security, which ICE answers to, has a quota, one mandated by Congress. No other law enforcement agency operates on a quota system.” “And conditions are deplorable,” Zola said, as if she knew more than Mark. “Indeed they are. Since there is no independent oversight, the detainees are often subjected to abuse, including long-term solitary confinement and inadequate medical care and bad food. They are vulnerable to assault, even rape. Last year, 150 died in custody. Detainees are often housed with violent criminals. In many cases, legal representation is nonexistent. On paper, ICE has standards for the facilities, but these are not legally enforceable. There is almost no accountability for how the federal funds are spent. The truth is, no one is looking and no one cares, except for the detainees and their families. They are forgotten people.”
― John Grisham, quote from The Rooster Bar


“This was not her Ambrose, she thought at first. But then, apparently, it was.”
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“I think of my own life, how it embraces a great quest to know every cog of nature--the names of oaks and ferns, the secret lives of birds, the taste of venison and Ogeechee lime, wax myrtle's smell and rattlesnake's, the contour of bobcat tracks, the number of barred owl cackles, the feel of Okefenokee Swamp water on my skin under a blistering sun.
I search for a vital knowledge of the land that my father could not teach me, as he was not taught, and guidance to know and honor it, as he was not guided, as if this will shield me from the errancies of the mind, or bring me back from that dark territory should I happen to wander there. I search as if there were peace to be found.”
― Janisse Ray, quote from Ecology of a Cracker Childhood


“jedenfalls hörte ich Donnerschläge und andere Geräusche, welche die Natur nur im Zorne von sich gibt.”
― H.P. Lovecraft, quote from Tales of the Cthulhu Mythos


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