Quotes from Halfway to the Grave

Jeaniene Frost ·  358 pages

Rating: (118.7K votes)


“I'm saying that I'm a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline homicidal bitch, and I want you to promise me that you're okay with that, because it's who I am, and you're what I need.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“If you run from me, I will chase you, and I'll find you....”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“Don't kiss me like a woman if you're going to treat me like a child.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“Lucifer's bouncing balls, Kitten, not again!”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“You're not a woman," he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair!”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave



“Would you mind repeating that? I'm afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I've longed to hear.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“Kitten, you need to make a decision. Either we stay here and behave or we leave now and I promise you”—his voice dipped lower and the words fell against my lips—“if we leave, I won’t behave.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“Is that a stake, Bones, or are you just happy with my new dress?”

“In this case, it’s a stake. You could always feel around for something more, though. See what comes up.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“There is only one way to fight, and that's dirty. Clean gentlemanly fighting will get you nowhere but dead, and fast. Take every cheap shot, every low blow, absolutely kick people when they're down, and maybe you'll be the one who walks away.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“Let's go, Kitten, before you kill someone else. -Bones”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave



“Do you think I’m pretty?” I heard myself ask.
Something I couldn’t name flashed across his face.
“No. I don’t think you’re pretty. I think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“We're going to knock those demons out and slay them with the power of Jesus. Hallelujah, can I get an amen?- Timmie”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“Aside from the obvious, Francesca, what do you want in return for supplying information?” Bones asked, getting back to the subject. “You to take me,” she replied at once. “Not gonna happen!” I spat, squeezing him possessively. Three sets of widened eyes fixed on me. That’s when I realized that what I had a firm grip on was no longer his hand.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“I love you. You have no idea what you are worth to me.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“Right, then, mate, terribly sorry for my unspeakable rudeness, and I do beg your pardon. I can only say that it was caused by my natural affront to the notion of her as my sister. Since I'll be shagging her tonight, you can imagine how I'd be distressed at the thought of rogering my sibling"
"You shmuck! The only thing you'll be shagging tonight is yourself!"
"You wanted sincerity, well, luv, I was sincere.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave



“I was thrown into a state of sheer, mindless panic. “It’s my mother!” I whispered fiercely,
as if Bones hadn’t figured that out. “Holy shit, you have to hide!”
I literally shoved him toward the bedroom, yelling, “I—I’ll be right there, I’m not
dressed!”
He went, but with none of my hysteria. “Kitten, you still haven’t told her? Blimey, what
are you waiting for?”
The Second Coming of Christ!” I snapped. “And not a moment sooner! Here, in the
closet!”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“We're, ah, taking a break to evaluate things, and, um, reexamine our relationship, so I stuffed him in a closet!" I burst out in shame. Timmie's eyes goggled.
Is he still there?”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“I am a nice young girl here to pick up your granddaughter for the weekend... We're going to a Bible retreat to scare the devil out of her. - Bones to Cat's grandparents”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“So do you remember this place?"
"Hard to forget." he snorted. "This is where you tried to kill me. You were so nervous, you kept blushing. Never had someone try to stake me who blushed so much.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“You! You tricked me! I never want to see you or that bottle of liquid arsenic again!”

I chucked the empty moonshine jug at him. Or tried to. It missed him by a dozen feet.

He picked it up in astonishment. “You drank the whole bloody thing? You were only supposed to have a few sips!”

“Did you say that? Did you?” He reached me just as I felt the ground tip. “Didn’t say anything. I’ve got those names, so that’s all that matters, but you men…you’re all alike. Alive, dead, undead—all perverts! I had a drunken pervert in my pants! Do you know how unsanitary that is?”

Bones held me upright. I would have protested, but I couldn’t remember how to. “What are you saying?”

“Winston poltergeisted my panties, that’s what!” I announced with a loud hiccup.

“Why, you scurvy, lecherous spook!” Bones yelled in the direction of the cemetery. “If my pipes still worked, I’d go right back there and piss on your grave!”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave



“Usually my form of turning someone down was shoving a stake through his heart while smirking, Gotcha!”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“Kitten, this is my best mate, Charles, but you can call him Spade. Charles, this is Cat, the woman I’ve been telling you about. You can see for yourself that everything I’ve said is…an understatement.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“Charles,” Bones said distinctly. “You’d better have a splendid explanation for her being on top of you.”
The black-haired vampire rose to his feet as soon as I jumped off, brushing the dirt off his clothes.
“Believe me, mate, I’ve never enjoyed a woman astride me less. I came out to say hello, and this she-devil blinded me by flinging rocks in my eyes. Then she vigorously attempted to split my skull before threatening to impale me with silver if I so much as even
twitched! It’s been a few years since I’ve been to America, but I daresay the method of greeting a person has changed
dramatically!”
Bones rolled his eyes and clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m glad you’re still upright, Charles, and the only reason you are is because she didn’t have any silver. She’d have staked you right and proper otherwise. She has a tendency to shrivel someone first
and then introduce herself afterwards.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“The clock struck eleven and cat the vampire huntress was on the loose, except my battle armor was a push-up bra, curled hair, and a short dress. Yeah, it was a dirty job, but I was going to do it. Come one, come all, bloodsuckers! Bar’s open!”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“Whatever would give you the idea that I'm her damn brother?”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave



“I’ve wanted you from the moment we met, and if you think sitting next to me in your bra doesn’t overwhelm me with desire, you’re very wrong. I just don’t force myself where I’m not invited. (Bones)”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“One corpse, extra crispy! Do I hear a thousand dollars? ”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“Charlie whistled "Amazing Grace" as he drove. It was all I could do not to whip my head around and snap, Are you kidding me? Couldn't he pick something more appropriate, like "Shout at the Devil" or "Don't fear the Reaper"? Some people had no sense of the proper music for a kidnapping.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


“Why did you tell her I'm your boyfriend? Why doesn't she know about your real one? - Timmy
He's English! And Mom...Mom hates foreigners!
- Cat”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Halfway to the Grave


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About the author

Jeaniene Frost
Born place: in The United States
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As he went back towards the house, Jody knew one thing more sharply than he had ever known anything. He must never tell anyone about the rapier. It would be a dreadful thing to tell anyone about it, for it would destroy some fragile structure of truth. It was truth that might be shattered by division.”
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“One," said the recording secretary.

"Jesus wept," answered Leon promptly.

There was not a sound in the church. You could almost hear the butterflies pass. Father looked down and laid his lower lip in folds with his fingers, like he did sometimes when it wouldn't behave to suit him.

"Two," said the secretary after just a breath of pause.

Leon looked over the congregation easily and then fastened his eyes on Abram Saunders, the father of Absalom, and said reprovingly: "Give not sleep to thine eyes nor slumber to thine eyelids."

Abram straightened up suddenly and blinked in astonishment, while father held fast to his lip.

"Three," called the secretary hurriedly.

Leon shifted his gaze to Betsy Alton, who hadn't spoken to her next door neighbour in five years.

"Hatred stirreth up strife," he told her softly, "but love covereth all sins."

Things were so quiet it seemed as if the air would snap.

"Four."

The mild blue eyes travelled back to the men's side and settled on Isaac Thomas, a man too lazy to plow and sow land his father had left him. They were not so mild, and the voice was touched with command: "Go to the ant, thou sluggard, consider her ways and be wise."

Still that silence.

"Five," said the secretary hurriedly, as if he wished it were over. Back came the eyes to the women's side and past all question looked straight at Hannah Dover.

"As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman without discretion."

"Six," said the secretary and looked appealingly at father, whose face was filled with dismay.

Again Leon's eyes crossed the aisle and he looked directly at the man whom everybody in the community called "Stiff-necked Johnny."

I think he was rather proud of it, he worked so hard to keep them doing it.

"Lift not up your horn on high: speak not with a stiff neck," Leon commanded him.

Toward the door some one tittered.

"Seven," called the secretary hastily.

Leon glanced around the room.

"But how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity," he announced in delighted tones as if he had found it out by himself.

"Eight," called the secretary with something like a breath of relief.

Our angel boy never had looked so angelic, and he was beaming on the Princess.

"Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee," he told her.

Laddie would thrash him for that.

Instantly after, "Nine," he recited straight at Laddie: "I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?"

More than one giggled that time.

"Ten!" came almost sharply.

Leon looked scared for the first time. He actually seemed to shiver. Maybe he realized at last that it was a pretty serious thing he was doing. When he spoke he said these words in the most surprised voice you ever heard: "I was almost in all evil in the midst of the congregation and assembly."

"Eleven."

Perhaps these words are in the Bible. They are not there to read the way Leon repeated them, for he put a short pause after the first name, and he glanced toward our father: "Jesus Christ, the SAME, yesterday, and to-day, and forever!"

Sure as you live my mother's shoulders shook.

"Twelve."

Suddenly Leon seemed to be forsaken. He surely shrank in size and appeared abused.

"When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up," he announced, and looked as happy over the ending as he had seemed forlorn at the beginning.

"Thirteen."

"The Lord is on my side; I will not fear; what can man do unto me?" inquired Leon of every one in the church. Then he soberly made a bow and walked to his seat.”
― Gene Stratton-Porter, quote from Laddie: A True Blue Story


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