Quotes from First Grave on the Right

“Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.
- T-shirt”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“That took balls."

"Please," I said with a snort, "that took ovaries. Of which I have two.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“My fore-parts, as you so ineloquently put it, have names.”

I pointed to my right breast. “This is Danger.” Then my left. “And this is Will Robinson. I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly.”

After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, “You named your breasts?”

I turned my back to him with a shrug. “I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“Genius has its limitations.
Insanity...not so much" -Bumper Sticker”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding."

I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding internally, I'd know somewhere deep inside? Like, internally?”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"

I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“You’re just using me for my body.” “You don’t have a body,” I’d remind him.
“Throw that in my face.”
“Technically, you don’t have a face either.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“Can I jump in your body and make out with my wife through you?”
I fought a grin. “It doesn’t really work that way.”
“Then can you just make out with my wife and pretend I’m in your body?”
“No.”
“I can pay. I have money.”
“How much we talking?”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“But, you're his son," I said, trying really hard to hate him. "You're the son of Satan. Literally."

"And you are the stepdaughter of Denise Davidson."

Wow. That was a bit harsh, but, "Okay, point taken.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, "This is Beam Me Up." Then to my right. "And this is Scotty." Garret chuckled and buried his face in his hands. He asked.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“Oh, and she told me that men want only one thing.
And on that note, I must give praise and thanks to the powers that be. I don't want much else from them either.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“She's like a hurricane on crystal meth.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“While I was busy reminiscing about my first day on earth, I had forgotten that I was falling to my death. Damned ADD.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“Did you get checked out?”
“Yeah, by a hot blond who sat in the corner of the bar and made googly eyes at me.”
“I meant by a doctor.”
“No, but a balding yet bizarrely hot paramedic said I’d be fine."
“Oh, and he’s an expert?”
“At flirting.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“He said you sparkle like a newborn galaxy and have more attitude than a rich kid with his daddy's Porsche.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“Dude,” I said, leaning over the desk, “I’m about as psychic as a carrot.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“A split second later, my life flashed before my eyes, and I came to one important conclusion about it.
It was fun while it lasted.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“Oh, I forgot to tell you," Cookie said. "Amber wants your dad to get a teriyaki machine so she can sing for all the lonely barflies."

"I'm a good singer, mom."

Only a twelve-year-old could make the word mom sound blasphemous.

I leaned into Cookie, "Does she know its not called--?"

"No," she whispered.

"Are you gonna tell her?"


"No. It's much funnier this way.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

“Apparently, this really was Kill Charley Davidson Week. Or at least Horribly Maim Her.... It would probably never get government recognition, though, destined to be underappreciated like Halloween or Thesaurus Day.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from First Grave on the Right

About the author

Popular quotes

“the only people who still have all the answers are those who have never been faced with the questions.”
― Jojo Moyes, quote from The Ship of Brides

“In the city the wretched feel less sad. One can live there a hundred years without being noticed, and be dead a long time before anybody will notice it.”
― Leo Tolstoy, quote from The Kreutzer Sonata

“I kept making you cry... didn't I?

- Hatori Sohma”
― Natsuki Takaya, quote from Fruits Basket, Vol. 2

“The happiness of the South was very formidable. It was an almost invincible happiness. It defied you to call it anything else. Everyone was in fact happy. The women were beautiful and charming. The men were healthy and successful and funny; they knew how to tell stories. They had everything the North had and more. They had a history, they had a place redolent with memories, they had good conversation, they believed in God and defended the Constitution, and they were getting rich in the bargain. They had the best of victory and defeat. Their happiness was aggressive and irresistible.”
― Walker Percy, quote from The Last Gentleman

“In case you haven't noticed, as the result of a shamelessly rigged election in Florida, in which thousands of African Americans were arbitrarily disenfranchised, we now present ourselves to the rest of the world as proud, grinning, jut-jawed, pitiless war-lovers with appalling powerful weaponry - who stand unopposed.
In case you haven't noticed, we are now as feared and hated all over the world as the Nazi's once were.
And with good reason.
In case you haven't noticed, our unelected leaders have dehumanized millions and millions of human beings simply because of their religion and race. We wound 'em and kill 'em and torture 'em and imprison 'em all we want.
Piece of cake.
In case you haven't noticed, we also dehumanize our own soldiers, not because of their religion or race, but because of their low social class.
Send 'em anywhere. Make 'em do anything.
Piece of cake.
The O'Reilly Factor.
So I am a man without a country, except for the librarians and a Chicago paper called "In These Times."
Before we attacked Iraq, the majestic "New York Times" guaranteed there were weapons of destruction there.
Albert Einstein and Mark Twain gave up on the human race at the end of their lives, even though Twain hadn't even seen the First World War. War is now a form of TV entertainment, and what made the First World War so particularly entertaining were two American inventions, barbed wire and the machine gun.
Shrapnel was invented by an Englishman of the same name. Don't you wish you could have something named after you?
Like my distinct betters Einstein and Twain, I now give up on people too. I am a veteran of the Second World War and I have to say this is the not the first time I surrendered to a pitiless war machine.
My last words? "Life is no way to treat an animal, not even a mouse."
Napalm came from Harvard. Veritas!
Our president is a Christian? So was Adolf Hitler.
What can be said to our young people, now that psychopathic personalities, which is to say persons without consciences, without senses of pity or shame, have taken all the money in the treasuries of our government and corporations and made it all their own?”
― Kurt Vonnegut, quote from A Man Without a Country

Interesting books

About BookQuoters

BookQuoters is a community of passionate readers who enjoy sharing the most meaningful, memorable and interesting quotes from great books. As the world communicates more and more via texts, memes and sound bytes, short but profound quotes from books have become more relevant and important. For some of us a quote becomes a mantra, a goal or a philosophy by which we live. For all of us, quotes are a great way to remember a book and to carry with us the author’s best ideas.

We thoughtfully gather quotes from our favorite books, both classic and current, and choose the ones that are most thought-provoking. Each quote represents a book that is interesting, well written and has potential to enhance the reader’s life. We also accept submissions from our visitors and will select the quotes we feel are most appealing to the BookQuoters community.

Founded in 2023, BookQuoters has quickly become a large and vibrant community of people who share an affinity for books. Books are seen by some as a throwback to a previous world; conversely, gleaning the main ideas of a book via a quote or a quick summary is typical of the Information Age but is a habit disdained by some diehard readers. We feel that we have the best of both worlds at BookQuoters; we read books cover-to-cover but offer you some of the highlights. We hope you’ll join us.