The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don't Have with People You Don't Like Doing Things You Don't Want to Do

I call it the NotSorry Method. It has two steps: 1.  Deciding what you don’t give a fuck about 2.  Not giving a fuck about those things

The life-changing magic of not giving a fuck is all about prioritizing. Joy over annoy.

You may not realize it, but the number of fucks you personally have to give is a finite and precious commodity.

Not giving a fuck means taking care of yourself first—like affixing your own oxygen mask before helping others. Not giving a fuck means allowing yourself to say no. I don’t want to. I don’t have time. I can’t afford it. Not giving a fuck—crucially—means releasing yourself from the worry, anxiety, fear, and guilt associated with saying no, allowing you to stop spending time you don’t have with people you don’t like doing things you don’t want to do.

Not giving a fuck—crucially—means releasing yourself from the worry, anxiety, fear, and guilt associated with saying no, allowing you to stop spending time you don’t have with people you don’t like doing things you don’t want to do. Not

* An Irish good-bye is when you leave a party or gathering without telling anyone. Highly recommended.

Instead of walking in every day and thinking, God, this place is a shithole in greyscale, I'm so depressed, you could think, At least I don't have to worry about spilling coffee on this carpet; it can't get any uglier!

minimizes your annoy (and maximizes your joy)

As someone who grew up in a household full of guilt, I think it’s important for our kids to know that they can make decisions about what to care about, and that they don’t need to pay attention to the approval or condescension of other people in deciding how to live their lives.” Right

You’d be like Santa Claus, except instead of toys, you’re walking around with a big ol’ bag of fucks and only doling them out to the boys and girls you deem worthy.

you need to consider outcomes before committing to giving your fucks. Your time, energy, and/or money spent should result in greater joy for you.

Like the IRS, your family exists to fuck with you.

I socialized with people I did not like in order to appear benevolent; I performed jobs that were beneath me in order to appear helpful; I ate things that disgusted me in order to appear gracious. In short, I gave way too many fucks for far, far too long. This

I do me, you do you!

For now, remember that you should only give a fuck about things you can control, and no fucks about things you can’t.

Being a morning person. For most of my life I was ashamed of being useless in the early hours, of not wanting to schedule anything before noon, and of frequently arriving just in the nick of time to morning meetings. Society really seems to value morning people and look down on those of us who don’t (or can’t) fall in line. Once I embraced the freelance life, I stopped giving a fuck about being a morning person once and for all. Snack on it, morning people.

You must list every single fuck you find, regardless of whether you want to give it or not. Currently, the fucks you want to and should be giving might be stacked under and behind the ones you don’t—like giving a fuck about your sister’s general happiness but not about the details of her new boyfriend’s genital piercings.

If I don’t give a fuck about all-natural peanut butter, why in God’s name would I spend my hard-earned money to acquire it?

the shame and guilt you feel when you’re trying so hard to not give a fuck? It’s usually not because you are wrong to not give that fuck. It’s because you’re worried about what other people might think about your decision. And guess what? You have no control over what other people think.

When it comes to how your fuck-giving affects other people, all you can control is your behavior with regard to their feelings, not their opinions.

Most people give away their fucks without much thought. Feelings of guilt, obligation, or anxiety cause them to behave in a manner that, while least objectionable to other people, is often detrimental to their own levels of annoy vs. joy. This

In our society, Sorry! is used as shorthand for anything from "I'm not really sorry, I', just saying that to smooth over whatever I just did/am about to do to you" all the way to a nail-biting "Oh shit, what have I done???

was a born fuck-giver. Maybe you are too. As a self-described overachieving perfectionist, I gave my fucks liberally all throughout my childhood and adolescence. I tackled numerous projects, tasks, and standardized tests in order to prove myself worthy of respect and admiration from my family, friends, and even casual acquaintances. I socialized with people I did not like in order to appear benevolent; I performed jobs that were beneath me in order to appear helpful; I ate things that disgusted me in order to appear gracious. In short, I gave way too many fucks for far, far too long. This was no way to live.

This is essentially how company mission statements are created, and why you need not give a fuck about memorizing or adhering to them. They are the products of untold man-hours of "brainstorming" and "focus-grouping" resulting in the blandest, most generalized, least-potentially-offensive, frequently asinine copy that could have been created by any group of monkeys in any boardroom in America.

You should give a fuck if something — be it human, inanimate, or conceptual — does not annoy and does bring you happiness.

Riddle me this: Instead of feeling guilty, obligated, and anxious, wouldn't you rather feel empowered, benevolent, and carefree?

Well, I contend that freedom is another word for soul and that by not giving a fuck to all the wrong things, and conserving your fucks for the ones that make you happy, you stand to gain the kind of freedom that some people might even describe as… dare I say… “soul-affirming.