Quotes from Apathy and Other Small Victories

Paul Neilan ·  240 pages

Rating: (8.4K votes)


“The world is your oyster...
...too bad you're allergic to shellfish.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“It was nice of her to want to believe the best about me. People tend to do that with the strangers they're fucking. If she wanted to think that apathy and independence were the same thing, good for her. Maybe she was right.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“at first I thought you were just using me" she said
"I definitely am." I just wasn't sure for what.
"Asshole!" she said, and punched me in the side. And she laughed as my kidney began to hemorrhage.

That's the beauty of honesty. Everyones so unused to hearing it they just assume you're kidding, and you get to feel very good and forthcoming without suffering any consequences except for traces of blood in your urine for the next day or two.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“And when they start talking, and they always do, you find that each of them has a story they want to tell. Everyone, no matter how old or young, has some lesson they want to teach. And I sit there and listen and learn all about life from people who have no idea how to live it.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“Sitting on my stool I thought of a bumper sticker: "If Mean People Suck, Why Isn't My Dick In Your Mouth?”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories



“If stealing a few saltshakers was wrong I didn't want to be right.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“It’s like someone who prays every night saying God’s a good listener. Just because you’re talking to us doesn’t mean we’re listening. With me and God, you never really know.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“In the long term everyone traffics in foregone conclusions, and in the short term they just get drunk. This is the way it has always been. Some half-assed ambiguity masquerading as mystery is all anybody's really looking for.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“But really it’s condescending and patronizing not to make fun of someone because they’re old or stupid or crippled or morbidly obese. Banged up people don’t want your pity. They just want to be treated like everyone else. Mockery, when done without prejudice or discretion, can be a form of respect. It’s the closest we’ll ever come to true equality.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“It takes more than one kick in the pants to reverse a lifetime of unplanned apathy.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories



“Whenever I'm leaving I get sentimental for that nostalgia I know I won't have the next day.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“I was stealing salt shakers again. Ten, sometimes twelve a night, shoving them up my sleeves, smuggling them out of bars and diners and anywhere else I could find them. In the morning, wherever I woke up, I was always covered in salt. I was cured meat. I had become beef jerky. Even as a small child, I knew it would one day come to this.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“The fan was spinning and as the shadows passed over the white ceiling I let my eyes unfocus until all of it looked like a universe being born or a planet unraveling, some creation or catastrophe depending on which way gravity was going and where you were standing. So instead of Elizabeth Taylor I thought about stars and how little I knew about them, and how if I was an explorer and I had to sail a boat across the ocean without rador or an electronic compass I’d be screwed because the only constellations I knew were the Big Dipper and Little Dipper and I always got them confused. And even though I knew I’d never have to sail that boat I still wished I knew more about stars and other things. And I wished I could remember lying in the back yard as a kid with my hands locked behind my head, looking up at the night sky and dreaming. But I couldn’t, because it wasn’t something I ever did. It would have been a nice memory though”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“Mockery when done without prejudice or discretion, can be a form of respect. It's the closest we'll ever come to true equality.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“And everyone drank too much coffee too, at the wrong times and for the wrong reasons. They drank it when they came in every morning to get going, and then again in the afternoon to keep going. They ran on caffeine fumes all day and never fucking got anywhere. Then they went home spent and empty and crashed in front of the TV every night and slept away the few hours they had for themselves. All these motherfuckers are always talking about the best ways to manage your time. The fact is any time spent at work not sleeping in the bathroom is wasted time, and it’s hard to sleep when you’re pumped full of caffeine. Everyone’s awake for the wrong part of their lives. And by the weekend they’re too exhausted from all the frantic, useless activity to even care, and it’s only fucking two days off anyway. Nobody has the time or the energy to do what they really want, or to even figure out what that is.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories



“He had strawberry blond hair. That’s enough right there. That’s all you need to know. If you’re a man with strawberry blond hair and you’re not in the circus or a Viking, odds are you have not found your place in life and never will.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“I was just being honest and descriptive.” “No, you were being an asshole.” “It’s not my fault they have to always be the same thing.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“Two wrongs don't make a right but sometimes they make me laugh. I am a vengeful god.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“She was the sadistic older brother who holds you down and slaps your forehead over and over again, lets a string of spit fall until it almost hits your face and then slurps it up, over and over again. Only this older brother was fucking me. I'm telling mom.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“I never wanted to be Mickey Rourke. I don’t think he did either.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories



“Lying to other people is fine and usually funny, but lying to yourself is tacky.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“There are chickens, there are eggs, there are deaf girls singing karaoke. Nothing makes sense anymore.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“And when they start talking, and they always do, you find that each of them has a story they want to tell. Everyone, no matter how old or young, has some lesson they want to teach. And I sit there and listen and learn all about life from people who have no idea how to live it. Nobody knows how to just shut the fuck up and look out the window anymore. The bathrooms are tiny and filthy and you have no choice but to piss all over yourself when the bus swerves, but the streetlights look like blurred stars exploding in the window when it rains at night, and you can sleep knowing that if there’s an accident and everyone on the bus dies it wasn’t your fault. Someone fat and snoring will sometimes sit beside you and sweat on your shoulder even though it’s twelve degrees outside, and someone else with a big head shaped like an onion and dirty hair that smells like fish sticks will sit in front of you and recline their seat into your lap. And you’ll be trapped and sleepless and sad for the entire ride. But then other times you get two whole seats to yourself, and when that becomes your idea of luxury you know you’ve found something that no one else is even looking for, and if you gave it to them for Christmas they’d return it the next morning as soon as the stores opened. And then you get to think of yourself like the little drummer boy, playing for Jesus even though he’s too young to understand, even though nobody in Bethlehem really likes percussion and they think you’re a cheap ass for not bringing gold or frankincense. And it’s a shame when you realize that you won’t get to be in the Bible, and it doesn’t seem right. But then nobody gets to be in the Bible anymore, no matter who they are or what they do, and the sooner you realize that the easier it all becomes. But it’s still a shame.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“It was nice of her to want to believe the best about me. People tend to do that with the strangers they’re fucking. If she wanted to think that apathy and independence were the same thing, good for her. Maybe she was right.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“As I began to prune and shrivel I thought about going to the police and falsely confessing to everything, anything they wanted, just to get it over with. After a few years a college journalism class would review my trial and see that I was obviously innocent. There would be embarrassing publicity. The governor would grant me a pardon and I’d be released. At my press conference I’d say, “I knew God would make this day happen. In my heart, I was always free.” And then I would weep. And then I would sue the shit out of the city and the mayor’s office and the police department and anybody else I could find, to make sure that no one would ever have to suffer such terrible freedom in their heart again.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories



“Sometimes the questions are more important than the answers, especially when you do not know what the answers are. I didn't give a shit either way.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“I heard them complain sometimes, but it was the ineffectual bitching of people who didn’t expect anything about their situation to ever change, and who wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if it did.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“If disgust was a shotgun I would've blown my own head off.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


“It was horrifying. Khaki pants and polo shirts and exclamation points at the end of every sentence. Each introduction was like a kick in the groin. When someone made a bad joke it was like they’d taken a running start. I had to drop to one knee after this pale turtle-looking man with a huge Adam’s apple and a headset touched his finger to his earpiece and said, “Houston, we have a new temp.” I would never be able to have children.”
― Paul Neilan, quote from Apathy and Other Small Victories


About the author

Paul Neilan
Born place: The United States
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