The Grownup

Books may be temporary; dicks are forever.

Empathetic silence is one of the most underused weapons in the world.

Money is wasted on the rich.

I lack formal education. So I'm left with the feeling that I'm smarter than everyone around me but that if I ever got around really smart people—people who went to universities and drank wine and spoke Latin—that they’d be bored as hell by me. It’s a lonely way to go through life.

People are dumb. I’ll never get over how dumb people are.

Feeling sad means having too much time on your hands, usually. Really. I’m not a licensed therapist but usually it means too much time.

But I wasn't a well-read bookworm; I was just a dumb whore in the right library.

She is an incredibly intelligent idiot

I’m not really a nerd; I only aspire to be one.

I would rather be a librarian, but I worry about the job security. Books may be temporary; dicks are forever.

I DIDN’T STOP giving hand jobs because I wasn’t good at it. I stopped giving hand jobs because I was the best at it. For three years, I gave the best hand job in the tristate area. The key is to not overthink it. If you start worrying about technique, if you begin analyzing rhythm and pressure, you lose the essential nature of the act. You have to mentally prepare beforehand, and then you have to stop thinking and trust your body to take over. Basically, it’s like a golf swing.

Millions of dollars later, and neither of them were happy. Money is wasted on the rich.

inside joke is like a symbol of friendship without having to do the work required of an actual friendship. So

I never worked holidays, because holiday hand jobs are sad for everyone.

I’m a self-didact. (Not a dirty word, look it up.) I read constantly. I think. But I lack formal education. So I’m left with the feeling that I’m smarter than everyone around me but that if I ever got around really smart people—people who went to universities and drank wine and spoke Latin—that they’d be bored as hell by me.

She was clearly rich. Her handbag was too plain to be anything but incredibly expensive.

I heard you could do that—buy books by the yard, turn them into furniture. People are dumb. I’ll never get over how dumb people are.

I wish I'd be murdered...Then I'd never have to worry again. When you die, you become perfect. I'd be like Princess Diana. Everyone loves her now.

I mean, if I were a guy, looking to pay a girl to wank me off, I wouldn’t walk in the room and say, “My God, I smell hints of fresh strudel and nutmeg… quick, grab my dick!

But I lack formal education. So I’m left with the feeling that I’m smarter than everyone around me but that if I ever got around really smart people—people who went to universities and drank wine and spoke Latin—that they’d be bored as hell by me. It’s a lonely way to go through life.

When people ask me that question that everyone asks: "What do you do?" I'd say, "I'm in customer service," which was true. To me, it's nice day's work when you make a lot of people smile. I know that sounds too earnest, but it's true. I mean, I would rather be a librarian, but I worry about the job security. Books may be temporary; dicks are forever.

... it’s a nice day’s work when you make a lot of people smile.

She called me Nerdy because I wore glasses and read books and ate yogurt on my lunch break. I'm not really a nerd: I only aspire to be one. Because of the high-school-dropout thing, I'm a self-didact. (Not a dirty word, look it up.) I read constantly. I think. But I lack formal education. So I'm left with the feeling that I'm smarter than everyone around me but that if I ever got around really smart people - people who went to universities and drank wine and spoke Latin - that they'd be bored as hell by me. It's a lonely way to go through life. So I wear the name as a badge of honor. That someday I may not totally bore some really smart people. The question is: How do you find smart people?

So you can see why the whole hand-job thing felt like a natural career progression.

I was much more ambitious. I had lots of stamina and no pride.

I waited her out. Empathetic silence is one of the most underused weapons in the world.

People want passion. People want a sense of purpose.

Thanks to George R. R. Martin, who asked me to write him a story.

I’d go out each morning and beg for six hours. I knew who to approach and for how long and exactly what to say. I was never ashamed. What I did was purely transactional: You made someone feel good and they gave you money.