“It’s funny. I used to look up at the stars and feel so small and unimportant. But I’ve come to realize that the only thing that can ever make you feel alive and important is the one person who takes you for you.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“Why the war paint, Pix?
Because I can't stand the girl underneath....
"Why the tattoos ?"
Because I can't bear seeing the scars of my past.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“We were both just too messed up to ever be with each other in the way we needed to be. Two shooting stars that burned out too quickly, never quite reaching each other’s skies.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“Famiglia isn’t always blood, mio caro. Famiglia is built on bridges of love. Famiglia is there for you without condition. Famiglia supports you in your darkest moment of need.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“We all have secrets, Austin. Some people’s are bigger than others, that’s all. Wouldn’t you agree?”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“There’s you and me. We’re on a beach somewhere, living near the water. You’re laughing so hard, so free. You’re healthy. Strong. And we have three fuckin’ kids. All of them with dark hair and eyes. They’re running around splashing in the water as I hold you in my arms, watching them. I feel you laughing against my chest, and not the fake shit you put on show for your friends. It’s real happy laughter, laughter from your heart.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“Two shooting stars that burned out too quickly, never quite reaching each other’s skies.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“I don’t need to look up at the stars to feel inferior, Austin. All I have to do is open my eyes and look at myself in the mirror.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“I’m lost without you.
I can’t breathe without you.
Without you here, all I can do is fall…”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“We all have secrets. Secrets well buried. Until we find the one soul who makes the burden of such secrets just that little bit easier to bear.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“When you’re ready, look up. I am waiting for you, baby. I’ll always be there, waiting for you.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“The soothing vocals of “Ave Maria” serenaded from the small speaker, and Austin looked at me and shrugged in embarrassment. “It makes her smile,” was all he said. I lost a piece of my heart to him right then.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“I just figure I’ll never let you outta my sight for a while.”
Giggling, Lexi replied, “Careful, Carillo, that’s sounding scarily like a declaration of commitment.”
“Call it what you like, Pix. All I know is I like you. And I wanna see you more. I’m a Heighter from the boonies with a rap sheet--”
“And I’m an emo-anorexic virgin that can’t be touched,” she finished off.
“Match made in heaven, huh?” I said with a wink.
“What could possibly go wrong?” Lexi joked.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“I have fallen hopelessly in love with the Italian tattooed bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks. And I fall into his protective, open arms with one hundred percent abandon.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“You see, Pix, I have scars too. It’s just mine are on the outside where everyone can see.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“Sometimes, someone could stumble unannounced into the train wreck that is your life and begin to pull you out of the heavy rubble weighing down on your chest.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“I wanted to be brave. I wanted to be the girl who was falling hopelessly in love with this boy who knew my biggest secret…this boy who could be arguably as broken as me…this boy who claimed he needed me as much as I needed him. I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be loved for just plain ol’ normal me.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“Make love to me.”
Austin’s muscles tensed.
“Lexi…” He trailed off.
As I gripped his hair, I pushed, “Austin, make love to me. Just…be gentle… There’s a chance I might break…”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“You fuckin’ bulldozed me, Pix. You, my tiny dark pixie, made all my defences crumble to dust.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“She looked at me like I was suddenly her whole world. I felt that look sear right into my heart. Ain’t no one ever looked up on me with such grace, with such trust before, and I felt humbled that she chose to gift it to me
… All anyone ever saw when they looked at me was the white trash ex-gang member from the Heighter-famed trailer park across town.
But not her.
Fuck knows why, but Pix only ever saw more.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“To the many around the world who feel lost, insecure or inferior. Breathe deep. Be strong. Be brave. And if you fall, look up to the stars and reach for their glittering lights. You are meant to stand tall with the rest of the world. You are not damaged… You are beautiful.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“Why the War Paint Pix? Why the Tattoo's Austin?”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“Pix, I need you”…
“I think…I think I might need you too.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“Maybe we were not together; maybe we weren’t. I didn’t care what we labelled it. She could talk to me and I could talk to her. Boyfriend/girlfriend titles had no place among the truly fucked up. Just that there was someone else like you, someone to understand.”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Fall
“If I am going to spend eternity visiting this moment and that, I'm grateful that so many of those moments are nice.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, quote from Slaughterhouse-five: The Children's Crusade, A Duty-dance with Death
“Dane discarded his speargun with visible relief. As a paladin of the Church of God Kraken, he had few options. Like many groups devoid of real power and realpolitik, the church was actually constrained by its aesthetics. Its operatives could not have guns, simply, because guns were not squiddy enough.
It was a common moan. Drunk new soldiers of the Cathedral of the Bees might whine: “It’s not that I don’t think sting-tipped blowpipes aren’t cool, it’s just…” “I’ve gotten rally good with the steam-cudgel,” a disaffected Pistonpunk might ask her elders “but wouldn’t it be useful to…?” Oh for a carbine, devout assassins pined.”
― China Miéville, quote from Kraken
“Kristin comes down the stairs, and the pressure on my chest snaps. I take a moment to turn away, inhaling deeply, blinking away tears. She sets the plate on a table behind the couch, and half tiptoes back up the stairs.
Thank god. I don’t think I could have handled maternal attention right this second. My body feels like it’s on a hair trigger.
I need to get it together. This is why people avoid me. Someone asks if I want a drink and I have a panic attack.
“You’re okay.” Declan is beside me, and his voice is low and soft, the way it was in the foyer. He’s so hard all the time, and that softness takes me by surprise. I blink up at him.
“You’re okay,” he says again.
I like that, how he’s so sure. Not Are you okay? No question about it.
You’re okay.
He lifts one shoulder in a half shrug. “But if you’re going to lose it, this is a pretty safe place to fall apart.” He takes two cookies from the plate, then holds one out to me. “Here. Eat your feelings.”
I’m about to turn him down, but then I look at the cookie. I was expecting something basic, like sugar or chocolate chip. This looks like a miniature pie, and sugar glistens across the top. “What . . . is that?”
“Pecan pie cookies,” says Rev. He’s taken about five of them, and I think he might have shoved two in his mouth at once. “I could live on them for days.”
I take the one Declan offered and nibble a bit from the side. It is awesome.
I peer up at him sideways. “How did you know?”
He hesitates, but he doesn’t ask me what I mean. “I know the signs.”
“I’m going to get some sodas,” Rev says slowly, deliberately. “I’m going to bring you one. Blink once if that’s okay.”
I smile, but it feels watery around the edges. He’s teasing me, but it’s gentle teasing. Friendly. I blink once.
This is okay. I’m okay. Declan was right.
“Take it out on the punching bag,” calls Rev. “That’s what I do.”
My eyes go wide. “Really?”
“Do whatever you want,” says Declan. “As soon as we do anything meaningful, the baby will wake up.”
Rev returns with three sodas. “We’re doing something meaningful right now.”
“We are?” I say.
He meets my eyes. “Every moment is meaningful.”
The words could be cheesy—should be cheesy, in fact—but he says them with enough weight that I know he means them. I think of The Dark and all our talk of paths and loss and guilt.
Declan sighs and pops the cap on his soda. “This is where Rev starts to freak people out.”
“No,” I say, feeling like this afternoon could not be more surreal. Something about Rev’s statement steals some of my earlier guilt, to think that being here could carry as much weight as paying respects to my mother. I wish I knew how to tell whether this is a path I’m supposed to be on. “No, I like it. Can I really punch the bag?”
Rev shrugs and takes a sip of his soda. “It’s either that or we can break out the Play-Doh”
― Brigid Kemmerer, quote from Letters to the Lost
“If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”
― Paulo Coelho, quote from Alkimist
“Machines were the ideal metaphor for the central pornographic fantasy of the nineteenth century, rape followed by gratitude.”
― Robert Hughes, quote from The Shock of the New
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