Find You in the Dark

I have learned that sometimes "sorry" is not enough. Sometimes you actually have to change.

What is it?" I asked breathlessly. "I love you so much. Sometimes it hurts." "I don't want it to hurt, Clay. Our love should make you feel wonderful.

I had wondered a million times how I could possibly go on living when my heart was gone? How was it possible that it still beat in my chest when it felt so empty?

When I asked him as to why he only drew the butterflies he had kissed me softly on the mouth. “Because you make me feel free.” He had answered simply.

Just think life's too short to get hung up on maybes.

The struggle is really hard sometimes. And then I meet you. And I feel stuff that I’ve never felt before. Things that I never thought I would be lucky enough to experience. And I feel so out of control in the way I am with you. Like I’m stripped bare and for once someone sees everything inside of me… the good and the really really ugly.

Why are you interested in me?” He asked quietly. Hmm. How to answer that one? I didn’t want to tell him that I thought he was the most gorgeous creature I had ever seen and wanted to have his babies. That might be a little much.

But the best relationship are built on friendship first.

The most perfect memories are the ones too painful to forget.

Hot damn. Cue the violins and happy cartoon bunnies. I was in the middle of a Disney moment. Because this guy was gorgeous. And we were standing so close to each other. If he hadn't been holding onto a barely contained rage directed at yours truly, it could have almost been construed as romantic.

This is forever, Maggie. I would follow you into hell if I had to … You are all I want for the rest of my life.

When you're in a room, Maggie, all I see is you. You make everything better. Clearer. You stop the crazy noise in my head. I can think, hell, I can breathe when we're together What you make me feel is the most unbelievable and scary thing I've ever felt.

What I can see so far is that life consists of good and evil, black and white. And everything in between is a struggle for dominating the other. Life is a struggle. And I hate that it all ends with nothingness. That one day, you simply aren’t here anymore. No more smiles, no more tears, no more anything.

Sometimes, love can't make everything better, and the best thing for everyone is to walk away. No matter how much it may hurt.

I needed Clay as much as he needed me. We existed in this symbiotic relationship where our hearts beat and our lungs breathed only for each other.

I love you. You are my life.” He placed my hand over his heart. I could feel it beating erratically beneath my palm. “Feel that? It’s yours. For now and always!

You ran into my life, this beautiful, amazing girl who changed everything. I finally saw what my world could be. What being normal and happy could look like. You’ve given me everything I never thought I could have! It scares to me think of life without you. Of not seeing your smile or hearing your voice.

I could use a little monotony in my life. Spontaneity is exhausting.

I was this sad and lonely creature before you came along. And then, just being with you, knowing you love me, had transformed me. My entire life has become this metamorphosis into something beautiful, something happy. I told you before that you've freed me. You've reminded me of what it means to believe and hope.

I wanted to feel what it was like to kiss you for the first time without being sucked into a medicated fog.

It's amazing how something that had, in concept, seemed so insignificant to my life could not become my entire world.

Maggie. When we make love, I want it to be special. Not some quickie in your bedroom before your parents come home. I want more than that for us. I want to be able to hold you all night and feel you against me as I fall asleep. I want us to be perfect together.

All I could see was my life without you in it. And it was a fucking dark and horrible place.

You are everything. To me you’re the world.” I whispered against his mouth.

I don't deserve your heart, Maggie. I should never have drug you into this hell I live in. It's not fair to you. What kind of future can I give you when I don't know if I even have one?

Just promise to talk to me … I can help you with that baggage, you know.” What was I saying? I had never dealt with anyone’s baggage! I didn’t even know what it was!

I’m mad at Maggie for giving me something that nearly killed me to lose when I invariably fucked everything up. For showing me what perfect looked like right before I destroyed it. I’m angry as hell because she built back up what I had broken, she gave me everything; a life, a future. And now it’s gone.

God, Maggie.” He whispered, leaning forward, capturing my mouth with his. “I love you more than anything. With everything that I am.” He answered me. Okay, I was done for.

I realised that despite the hangups, despite the crazy drama he created, I would love him always. Clay was mine just as surely as I was his. My life and his were inexplicably intertwined and there was no denying the intense connection we shared.

I've been staying after school getting help in trig from Laura Johnson. Shit, it's just school work. And it's fucking Laura, granny panties, Johnson! It's not like I've been secretly banging her as she whispers math problems in my ear or something.