Restore Me

Idiots are highly flammable, love. Let them all burn in hell.

I'm having a panic attack, you inconsiderate ass.

I love that the girl who blushes so easily in my arms is the same one who would kill a man for hurting me.

Who says you can’t be cute and kick ass at the same time?” Kenji winks at me. “I do it every day.

It hits me with a painful force, the reminder. Of just how much I love her. God, I love all of her. Her impossibilities, her exasperations. I love how gentle she is with me when we’re alone. How soft and kind she can be in our quiet moments. How she never hesitates to defend me. I love her.

I cannot let the broken girl inside of me inhale all that I've become. I cannot revert back to another version of myself. I will not shatter, not again, in the wake of an emotional earthquake.

So this— This is agony. This is what they talk about when they talk about heartbreak. I thought I knew what it was like before. I thought I knew, with perfect clarity, what it felt like to have my heart broken, but now—now I finally understand.

Go to hell, Kishimoto.” “I'm right behind you, bro.” He winks at me.

People are idiots, love. Their opinions are worthless.

What the hell is wrong with you, man? I thought we were cool.” “We were,” Warner says icily. “Until you touched my hair.” “You asked me to give you a haircut—” “I said nothing of the sort! I asked you to trim the edges!” “And that’s what I did.” “This,” Warner says, spinning around so I might inspect the damage, “is not trimming the edges, you incompetent moron—” I gasp. The back of Warner’s head is a jagged mess of uneven hair; entire chunks have been buzzed off.

I touch his face, almost without meaning to, gently , like he might be a ghost, like this might be a dream and the tips of my fingers graze his cheek, trail the line of his jaw and I stop when his breath catches, when his body shakes almost imperceptibly and we lean in as if by memory eyes closing lips just touching “Give me another chance, ” he whispers, resting his forehead against mine. My heart aches, throbs in my chest. “Please,” he says softly, and he’s somehow closer now, his lips touching mine as he speaks and I feel pinned in place by emotion, unable to move as he presses the words against my mouth, his hands soft and hesitant around my face and he says, “I swear on my life,” he says, “ I won’t disappoint you” and he kisses me Kisses me right here, in the middle of everything, in front of everyone.

I mean , I’ve always known I had a great face. But now I know, like, for sure that I’ve got a great face. And it’s just so validating.

Shit, man, if I didn’t know you were in a world of pain right now, I’d be filming this.

But — why would she break up with you? Why was she crying?” At this, I laugh again. “ Because I,” I say, pointing at myself, “am a monster." Kenji looks confused. “ And how is that news to anyone?” I smile. He’s funny, I think. Funny guy.

In the steady thrum that accompanies quiet, my mind is unkind to me. I think too much. I feel, perhaps, far more than I should. It would be only a slight exaggeration to say that my goal in life is to outrun my mind, my memories.

Loneliness is a bitter, wretched companion. Sometimes it just won't let go

I’m sorry I ever asked you guys to be friends. You don’t have to be friends. You don’t even have to like each other. Forget I said anything.” Warner drops his crossed arms. Kenji raises his eyebrows. “I promise,” I say. “No more forced hangout sessions. No more spending time alone without me. Okay?” “You swear?” Kenji says. “I swear.” “Thank God,” Warner says. “Same, bro. Same.” And I roll my eyes, irritated. This is the first thing they’ve managed to agree on in over a week: their mutual hatred of my hopes for their friendship.

This , I think , is the way to die. I could drown in this moment and I’d never regret it. I could catch fire from this kiss and happily turn to ash. I could live here, die here, right here, against his hips, his lips. In the emotion in his eyes as he sinks into me, his heartbeats indistinguishable from mine. This. Forever. This.

The destruction of the world didn’t happen overnight, and neither will saving it,

Men are always so baffled by women’s clothing. So many opinions about a body that does not belong to them. Cover up, don’t cover up - no one can seem to decide.

You know what? Who cares what you’re wearing?” Kenji says. “It’s all in the attitude, anyway. It’s about how you carry yourself.” I look up at him, feeling the height difference between us more acutely than ever. “But I’m so short.” “Napoleon was short, too.” “Napoleon was horrible,” I point out. “Napoleon got shit done, didn’t he?” I frown.

And I pull her in. Press my forehead to hers. “Those who do not understand you,” I say softly, “will always doubt you.” She leans back, just an inch. Looks up. “And I,” I say, “I have never doubted you.” “Never?” I shake my head. “Not once.

The world tried to crush you,” I say, gently now, “and you refused to be shattered.

Here in the dark, dusty corners of my mind I feel a strange relief. I am always welcome here in my loneliness, in my sadness in this abyss, there is a rhythm I remember. The steady drop of tears, the temptation to retreat, the shadow of my past the life I choose to forget has not will never ever forget me

I mean, I deserve to be happy, don't I?" (...) "You deserve to be the happiest

I think you’re wonderful.” “Wonderful, huh?” “Yep,” I say, and link my arm in his. “You’re smart and funny and kind and — ” “Handsome,” he says. “Don’t forget handsome." “And very handsome

Right now I feel certain that my imagination is much more dangerous than any of his truths.

You’re a total catch.” “I know, right? I keep trying to tell people.

Oh, you are in for a world of pain, bro. A world. Of. Pain.

This," he says, touching the air between us, “is an exception to a very hard rule.