Neighbor Dearest

You know why it didn’t work out with him?” “Why?” “Because God made you for me.

As long as I’m walking this Earth, I’m going to love you … You’re it for me.

You only get one true love, one soulmate. Not everyone is lucky enough to find that person in a lifetime.

You’re in my heart and I can’t get you out. I don’t know if I want to. Being with you is the only thing that feels right. It would be one thing if you just didn’t have feelings for me, but if you’re telling yourself that I am better off without you, then you’re just wrong. If the emptiness I’m feeling tonight is any indication, I am definitely not better off.

He changed the story.”   ***

I’m terrified to lose you, but I am way more terrified of living without you while you’re alive and well. For the record, I would rather have a single day of truly being with you than twenty thousand days of going through the motions with someone who doesn’t have my heart. I don’t care if I never have the chance to grow old and decrepit with you. I want today. I want to watch creepy movies with you and the dogs, burn toast in your apartment. I want to feel you inside of me. I want to experience everything with you while we’re both alive. WE ARE BOTH ALIVE. A good life is about quality, not quantity. I just want to be with you for however long that may be. But I can’t force you to see things the way I do.   When

Nothing has ever compared to how I feel about you. It’s made me question everything that ever came before it.

You can’t always get what you want. But don’t be afraid to ask.

You can’t have it both ways, Damien. You can’t look at me the way you do … You can’t keep me close and treat me as if I’m a huge part of your life and expect me not to get attached to you. It’s unnatural and unhealthy, and whether it’s your intention or not, you’re hurting me.

You’re perfect for me, baby. I always knew that, never doubted it.

You have no idea how close I’ve come to losing it with you so many times. No clue … Don’t think I can’t tell exactly what you’re thinking when you look at me. You are so transparent, and it drives me crazy.

There’s supposedly nothing more than a friendship going on between us, right? So, why does being around you hurt so badly sometimes? I think I might’ve figured it out tonight. It’s because you tell me one thing, but your eyes tell me another, your heart tells me another. Your heart was beating faster than mine today. Why won’t you open it up to me?

That’s because sometimes there isn’t a satisfying explanation for everything. You want an answer? Shit happens. There’s your answer. People fall out of love, in love, fuck up. It’s part of life. You didn’t do anything wrong. Stop trying to figure out what you did wrong.” Closing

I used to be afraid of the prospect of dying, but I had somehow accepted it, spent my days painting pictures of all the places I believed I’d never get to see. But things are different now. I can’t seem to accept it anymore. Now, I just want to live. My will to live is stronger than my fear of death now…because of you. You’re the reason I want to live so badly.

You know why it didn’t work out with him?” “Why?” “Because God made you for me.” Not

While I knew what was happening, I hadn’t a clue how or why it had happened. I’d believed he loved me. I’d felt it for so long. It was genuine. So, how could things just change so fast?

You were never able to understand how he could do what he did to you, why things happened that way. I figured it out. You know why it didn’t work out with him?” “Why?” “Because God made you for me.

He was a jerk; he didn’t deserve to be the object of my lust. But he’d smelled so fucking good, like spice and musk and man. We don’t have control over what we fantasize about. The fact that he was mean and unattainable made him that much more likely to be an object of my forbidden thoughts. Just like I learned in psychology class back in college, thought suppression often leads to obsession. If you tell yourself not to think about something, then you’ll think about it even more.

You know what I can’t wait for? I can’t wait to throw that damn stuffed cockblocker out the window. That’s gonna be the first thing to go.” That made me crack up. He was referring to the body-length pregnancy pillow that I’d been sleeping up against these last few weeks. It formed a big barrier between us. “Actually,

Não importa quanto tudo isso é assustador, tenho que colocar tudo nas mãos Dele neste momento e agradecer por me abençoar com todas as coisas que eu achava que não poderia ter.

— Eu tinha mil coisas decoradas para dizer a você neste momento, mas não consigo pensar em nenhuma. O que você significa para mim, Chelsea, desafia a linguagem. Não pode ser resumido em palavras ou reduzido a um minuto de discurso. Só sei que te amo com todo meu coração e minha alma e que esse sentimento é ilimitado. Enquanto meu coração estiver batendo, só vai bater por você.

— Nossa necessidade de procriar é egoísta, sabe? Por que precisamos ter filhos se há crianças no mundo que precisam de um bom lar?

— Misteriosamente linda. Inatingível. Lembra do que sua terapeuta disse? Na época, achei ridículo. Mas, quanto mais eu penso nisso, mais faz sentido para mim. Você era uma fantasia que eu nunca pensei que se tornaria realidade. Isso é o que você sempre foi para mim. Eu não entendia, então. Mas você é meu unicórnio. — Ele segurou meu rosto entre as mãos. — Você é o meu unicórnio, Chelsea.

Só depende de você perder mais tempo vivendo no passado, tentando resolver um problema sem solução, ou seguir em frente com a sua vida.

Aprendi na aula de psicologia na faculdade: a supressão geralmente leva à obsessão. Se você disser a si mesmo para não pensar em alguma coisa, vai pensar nela ainda mais.