The Education of Sebastian

What do you think I've got here that I wouldn't give up in a heartbeat to be with you? There's nothing to keep me here: I'll go anywhere, do anything to be with you.

I chose love over law. And I didn't care.

It's always been you, Caro. The first time I saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl that I'd ever seen. I thought you must be a princess like Cinderella. It's only ever been you.

I love you, too," I whispered so softly I didn't know if he'd heard me. "Ti amo tanto, Sebastian, sempre e per sempre.

Sebastian, women like sex just as much as men... if it's good." He tried to smile but still looked uncertain, his forehead creasing with worry. "Am I...?" He bit his lip. I knew what he was trying to ask me. "Yes, you're good. In fact I'd say you're amazing: in so many ways.

Contemplating leaving everything I had ever known of one ill-advised hour of passionate lunacy.

There’s nothing to forgive … We fell in love: it’s not a crime.

But he interrupted me. "None of that matters. And I think you're wrong anyway — I can't imagine not wanting you — note ever. You're smart and funny and I enjoy being with you even when we don't... when we're not... making love. When I was eight years old, I used to imagine that you were my girlfriend and that we'd run away together. And then you left and I'd lost my best friend, too. I used to dream about you coming back. As I got older, I... I began to understand the... the nature of my feelings for you better. I didn't think dreams could come true — but they have for me, Caro. Why are you so scared? I mean, forget all that legal bullshit... why do you keep trying to... I don't know, make me change my mind? What do you think I've got here that I wouldn't give up in a heartbeat to be with you? There's nothing to keep me here: I'll go anywhere, do anything to be with you." He sighed. "I know you have more to lose and I hate, hate that I'm responsible for that, but... Do you want to be with me? Forever. Sempre.

Don’t patronize me, Caro”, he said, sounding even angrier. “You think I don’t know what it means to make this commitment but I do … Don’t dismiss how I feel just because…just because I’m younger than you.

I want you, Caro. I want to make love to you. I want to make love to you forever. My breath caught in my throat. I want that, too. So much.

You’ve taught me everything I know. … You’ve taught me who I can be, you’ve made me stronger. You make me want to see the magic in the world. I didn’t know falling in love could be…like this.

The matter, Sebastian, is that you're a minor. What we've just done... what I've just done... it's against the law. It's a felony, for God's sake!

Every time something goes wrong, you give up on us. You’re killing me, Caro … I don’t know what will happen…but neither do you. Maybe we’ll make it…maybe we won’t. But you’re giving up before we’ve even tried. I don’t understand. Why won’t you take a chance?

Here in this room, with our bodies entwined, I felt that I could trust this fierce love that had shattered and rebuilt my life. But outside, the world was a cold and dangerous place. I didn’t know if love would be enough.

I wondered if he’d appreciate my help: maybe if I attacked her with a pool chair and beat her into putty, she’d be distracted enough to leave him alone.

I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think, David! I’m tired of you bullying me, putting me down, patronizing me, treating me like some sort of simpleton. I was supposed to be a partner in this relationship – that’s what I signed up for. Not this!

If he lays one finger on you, I’ll fucking crucify him!

I preferred my Papa’s version: ‘Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men’. A

I drove without a destination, idly wondering what problems troubled other drivers locked in their glass and metal worlds, individual and isolated. Were they pondering the meaning of life, itemizing shopping lists in their heads, or simply idling in traffic, minds full of happy non-thoughts?

I felt curiously adrift, as if the ties to my life were unraveling one by one.