“You proved to be worthy of my devotion. Of
Death’s...love”
“I get to keep you,” he said, staring at me with an
intensity that made me shiver.
“Keep me?” I asked, reaching up to kiss his chin and trail
kisses down his perfect neck.
“Not here. I can’t take much more, Pagan. I’m only so
strong,” he said in a husky voice as he pulled me against his
chest. “You’re mine now. While you walk the Earth you
belong to me. Nothing can hurt you.” I heard a touch of
humor in his voice. “It’s pretty impossible to hurt what Death
protects.”
“You are not a body. You have a body. You are a soul.”
“You tempt me.I can't be tempted.I'm not made to be tempted,but you,Pagan Moore,you tempt me.From the moment i came for you i was drawn in.Everything about you.."One of his hands left my waist and moved up to gently caress my arm."You make me crazy with need.With want.I didn't understand it at first.But now i know.It's your soul calling to me.Souls mean nothing to me.They aren't supposed to.But yours has become my obsession.”
“You want what you can’t have. I see it in your eyes. The
pain that fills your nights is because of my pack of lies. I’ve
opened up the door for you to walk away. There’s a better
path for you even though I want you to stay. I’ve broken the
rules, I’ve veered from the path but when I met you I knew
to save you was worth the wrath. Let me leave now before
it’s too late. Let me leave now before you know what I am
and your love becomes hate.”
“Um,i'm going shopping for a dress for the Homecoming Dance with Miranda,Wyatt and Leif."
Dank chuckled."So,Leif's wearing a dress?”
“My beautiful soul,"he murmured and caressed my cheek."When you have the ultimate selfless sacrifice it paid my wrong.You proved to be worthy of my devotion.Of Death's...love.”
“Leif's frown eased and he slid his finger under my chin and gently caressed my jaw line with the pad of his thumb.
"Pagan,will you do me the honor of being my date for Homecoming Dance?The prospect of not being able to hold you in my arms all night is heartbreaking."
Mirand sighed from across the table.
"Okay,that was beautiful.Why didn't you ask me like that?"she asked Wyatt.
Wyatt shot Leif an annoyed frown.
"Thanks,buddy.Next time you decide to break out your romantic side,could you do it alone?”
“She frowned."You're not very friendly."
I let out a short laugh."What?I'm not friendly to a ghost who floats into my house and starts touching me?Well,excuse my rudeness but this is a little disturbing.”
“You weren’t meant for the ice, you weren’t made for the pain.
The world that lives inside of me was not the world you were meant to contain.
You were meant for castles and living in the sun. Thecold running through me should have made you run.
Yet you stay. Holding onto me, yet you stay, reachingout a hand that I push away. The cold is not meant for you yet you stay, you stay, you stay. When I know it’s not right for you.
The ice fills my veins and I can’t feel the pain, yet you’re there like the heat that sends me screaming in fear.
I can’t feel the warmth I need to feel the ice. I want to hold it all in and numb it till I can’t feel the knife.
Your heat threatens to melt it all and I know I can’t bear the pain if the ice melts away.
So I push you away and I scream out your name and I know I can’t need you yet you give anyway and I run wishing you would run too.
Yet you stay. Holding onto me yet you stay reaching out a hand that I push away. The cold is not meant for you yet you stay, you stay, you stay. When I know it’s not right for you.
The blackness is my shield. I pull it closer still.
You’re the light that I hide from, the light that I hate.
You’re the light to this darkness and I can’t let you stay.
I need the dark around me like I need the ice in my veins.
The cold is my healer. The cold is my safe place. Youaren’t welcome with your heat you don’t belong beside me.
I hate you yet I love, I don’t want you yet I need you.
The dark will always be my cloak and you are the threat to unveil my pain, so leave. Leave and erase the memories.
I need to face the life that’s meant for me. Don’t stay and ruin all my plans.
You can’t have my soul I’m not a man.
The empty vessel I dwell in is not meant to feel the heat you bring. I push you away and I push you away.
Yet you stay.”
“I smiled and ran my hand through his dark curls. “So,
Death, what do we do now?”
“The emptiness where I used pain to fill the hole no longer controls me, no longer calls me because of you.”
“I hate the color red almost as much as i hate blond hair,"he said with an amused tone.
-Dank”
“I don’t want you to just be my
tutor. I want you to be the girl I look for in the halls every
morning and save a seat for in the cafeteria. I want you to be
the one waiting for me when I walk off the field at my games.
I want you to be the one I pick up the phone to call just to
make me smile.”
“The life I walk binds my hands
it makes me take things that I don’t understand I walk this dark world unknowing of what they hold true,
forgetting the me I once knew,
until you.
The life I walk eternally was all I knew nothing more held me here to this earth until you.
I feel the pain of every heart I take I feel the desire to replace all that I have grown to hate Darkness holds me close but the light still draws my empty soul
The emptiness where I used pain to fill the hole no longer controls me, no longer calls me because of you.”
“I love you,” I said, causing his face to contort in pain.
“I’m not a man so I do not have a heart that loves as a human does. I’m an immortal god that dwells with supreme power because I hold the keys to Death. But you are my existence. I am yours.” Hot tears streamed down my face as I stared into the face of someone who comprehended an emotion much stronger than my weak, feeble words of love.”
“You're the only thing I want most in the world yet the one thing I cannot have. Because to have you completely would be impossible. You cannot go where I walk." -Dank "Death" Walker”
“You can speak, I said looking directly at him, I needed him to know I wasn’t afraid. I’d been dealing with wandering souls, which is what I like to think of them as, all my life.
They didn’t frighten me but I liked to ignore them so they would go away. If they ever thought I could see them, they followed me. He continued to watch me with an amused expression on his face. I noticed his crooked grin produced a single dimple. The dimple didn’t seem to fit with his cold, arrogant demeanor. As much as his presence annoyed me, I couldn’t help but admit this soul could only be labeled as ridiculously gorgeous.
Yes, I speak. Were you expecting me to be mute? I leaned my hip against the desk. Yes, as a matter of fact, I was. You’re the first one who has ever spoken to me. A frown creased his forehead. The first one? He appeared genuinely surprised he wasn’t the first dead person I could see. He was definitely the most unique soul I’d ever seen. Ignoring a soul who could talk was going to be”
“You tempt me. I can’t be tempted. I’m not made to be tempted.”
“You want what you can’t have. I see it in your eyes. The pain that fills your nights is because of my pack of lies. I’ve opened up the door for you
to walk away. There’s a better path for you even though I want you to stay. I’ve broken the rules, I’ve veered from the path but when I met you I
knew to save you was worth the wrath. Let me leave now before it’s too late. Let me leave now before you know what I am and your love becomes
hate.
Walk away from me before I break down and take you with me. You can’t go where I’m going you can’t walk through my Hell. Walk away from me
before I break down and take you with me. My path is meant for only me. There is no way to take you too. I’ve given you life when it was in my
hands to give you death. Walk away from me.
112
Existence
I watch the life I know you will lead without me here. It’s what you deserve it is where you belong it is everything I want but everything I fear. Once I
met you I knew I had to save you but you saved me. Now I’m turning away and letting you run free. Not one moment will I forget there is a fire
inside me that you lit with your touch. Hurting you wasn’t the plan but it must happen by my hand.
Walk away from me before I break down and take you with me. You can’t go where I’m going you can’t walk through my Hell. Walk away from me
before I break down and take you with me. My path is meant for only me. There is no way to take you too. I’ve given you life when it was in my
hands to give you death. Walk away from me.”
“Nothing is wrong with her that is dangerous or harmful. She just feels deeper than others”
“He was so good and honest. Why couldn't I love him instead?”
“You’re the one thing I want the most in the world yet the one thing I cannot have. Because to have you completely would be impossible. You can’t go where I walk.”
“You want what you can’t have. I see it in your eyes. The
pain that fills your nights is because of my pack of lies. I’ve
opened up the door for you to walk away. There’s a better
path for you even though I want you to stay. I’ve broken the
rules, I’ve veered from the path but when I met you I knew
to save you was worth the wrath. Let me leave now before
it’s too late. Let me leave now before you know what I am
and your love becomes hate.”
“Was it possible I’d labeled him incorrectly? Shallow jocks
didn’t overcome adversity and accomplish the things Leif had. I’d labeled him, not even knowing him. Just because girls went gaga over him and
every boy wanted to be him didn’t make him a jerk. The only jerk in the room happened to be the judgmental, elitist female. Me.”
“You weren’t meant for the ice, you weren’t made for the pain.
The world that lives inside of me was not the world you 75
Existence
were meant to contain.
You were meant for castles and living in the sun. The cold running through me should have made you run.
Yet you stay. Holding onto me, yet you stay, reaching out a hand that I push away. The cold is not meant for you yet you stay, you stay, you
stay. When I know it’s not right for you.
The ice fills my veins and I can’t feel the pain, yet you’re there like the heat that sends me screaming in fear.
I can’t feel the warmth I need to feel the ice. I want to hold it all in and numb it till I can’t feel the knife.
Your heat threatens to melt it all and I know I can’t bear the pain if the ice melts away.
So I push you away and I scream out your name and I know I can’t need you yet you give anyway and I run wishing you would run too.
Yet you stay. Holding onto me yet you stay reaching out a hand that I push away. The cold is not meant for you yet you stay, you stay, you stay.
When I know it’s not right for you.
The blackness is my shield. I pull it closer still.
You’re the light that I hide from, the light that I hate.
You’re the light to this darkness and I can’t let you stay.
I need the dark around me like I need the ice in my veins.
The cold is my healer. The cold is my safe place. You aren’t welcome with your heat you don’t belong beside me.
I hate you yet I love, I don’t want you yet I need you.
The dark will always be my cloak and you are the threat to unveil my pain, so leave. Leave and erase the memories.
I need to face the life that’s meant for me. Don’t stay and ruin all my plans.
You can’t have my soul I’m not a man.
The empty vessel I dwell in is not meant to feel the heat you bring. I push you away and I push you away.
Yet you stay.”
“One day, the right guy will come along and you'll be so swept away, you won't be able to see straight. Enjoy the others until then.”
“He isn't going to be happy with me. I don't want his anger directed my way when I snuff out his precious one. After all, who wants to fuck with Death.”
“Los seres humanos abandonan la vida cuando no pueden lidiar con el dolor. Es una salida fácil para ellos.”
“How is a man fortunate to live in the darkness, brother?"
"Why do you wonder?" asked Blaise. "For only he who has lived in darkness truly knows and values the light.”
“Imagine if you used relationships to get to know other people, rather than to satisfy what is blocked inside of you. If you’re not trying to make people fit into your preconceived notions of what you like and dislike, you will find that relationships are not really that difficult. If you’re not so busy judging and resisting people based upon what is blocked inside of you, you will find that they are much easier to get along with—and so are you. Letting go of yourself is the simplest way to get closer to others.”
“There’s something you need to know, little goddess,” he whispered, turning his face so his breath tickled my ear. It felt really good. He smiled, and my heart froze. It wasn’t a nice smile. “I am much stronger than you. You cannot use your little tricks on me. I am immune, you stupid child. I’ll forgive this one transgression, but if you ever try to manipulate my affections again, I will not be so accommodating. Do you understand?”
“My Sabine,
I just left your room. You were so beautiful lying there sound asleep that I couldn’t bear to wake you. But I’m not feeling so great and there are things I promised to tell you that I fear I may not get the chance to.
I know you had once hoped that I would be the one to pass on your letters to Maddie once you were gone. But, as it turns out, I think it is going to be me who ends up leaving the letters behind.
Be mad at me. You should. But after that try to understand that I did what I thought was best. I wanted to tell you. So many times I snuck down to your room planning on telling you everything, but I just couldn’t.
Partly it was for you – yes. You needed time and I didn’t want to influence your choices, even once I realised what was happening between us, even more so then. Falling in love with you only made those choices more complicated and I feared that you might choose to stay for me and then, after I was gone, change your mind. I couldn’t let that happen.
Partly the choice was selfish, and for that I am sorry. For so long now people have been trying to fix me, but where they failed, you succeeded. You’ve given me more life in the last couple of weeks that I’ve had in years. Being with you, loving you, making memories with you, fearing for you, wanting to show you the beauty of life instead of the terror – it was bittersweet, but more importantly Sabine, it was real.
I know this is the part when I beg you to go on, live your life and be happy. But I don’t need to say those things. I know you. Your lives will be extraordinary. You certainly made mine feel that way.
Please find it in your heart to forgive me one day. I wish we had more time, but I want to thank you – for giving me life in my time of death.
My love for you is eternal.
Ethan.”
“You know you’re loudest when you don’t say anything at all?”
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