“Are you following me?" she asks, but doesn't meet my gaze.
"Yeah," I say.
"Why?"
I give her the only honest and true answer I have. "You're where I want to be.”
“Love is honesty. Love is a mutual respect for one another.”
“I look down at our knees, slightly touching. Jeans against jeans. Does she notice the heat transferring from her body to mine? Does she even realize what she's doing to me? I know, I know. I'm not a virgin and the slightest touch of a girl's knee is driving me insane. I don't even know what I'm feeling for Maggie, I just know that I'm feeling. It's something I've tried to avoid and deny until yesterday, when I held her in my arms while her tears spilled onto my shirt.
God, our knees touching isn't enough. I need more.
She's knotting her fingers together on her lap as if she doesn't know what to do with them. I want to touch her, but what if she pulls away like before? I've never been such a wuss with a girl in my life.
I bite my bottom lip as I slide my hand about millionth of a millimeter closer to her hand.
She doesn't seem fazed so I move closer. And closer.
When the tips of my fingers touch her wrist, she freezes. But she doesn't jerk her hand away. God, her skin is so soft, I think as my fingers trail a path from her wrist to her knuckles to her smooth, manicured nails.
I swear touching her like this is driving me nuts. It's more erotic, more intense than any other time with Kendra. I feel awkward and inexperienced as a freshman again. I look up. Everyone else is oblivious to the intensity of emotions running rampant in the back of the public bus.
When I look back down at my hand covering hers, I'm grateful she hasn't come to her senses and pulled away. As if she knows my thoughts, we both turn our hands at the same time so our hands are palm against palm...finger against finger. Her hand is dwarfed against mine. It makes her seem more delicate and petite than I'd realize. I feel a need to protect her and be her champion should she ever need one.
With a slight shift of my hand, I lace my fingers through hers.
I'm holding hands. With Maggie Armstrong.
I'm not even going to think about how wrong it is because it feels so right. She's avoided looking right at me, but now she turns her head and our eyes lock. God, how come I never noticed before how long her lashes were and how her brown eyes have specks of gold that sparkle when the sun shine on them?
The bus stops suddenly and I look out the window. It's our stop. She must have realized this because she pulls her hand away from mine and stands. I follow behind, still reeling.”
“It's hard keeping everything the same when the same things look and feel so different”
“I cry a lot.'
'Yeah? Well I'm gonna change that.”
“the scary part is that people don't realize how much they've changed .”
“Sometimes you have to steer away from the crowd in order to be a better person. It's not always easy, that's for sure. But it's right. And sometimes doing the right thing feels good, even if it does end up in a trip to the principal's office.”
“being afraid to take chances is scarier than actually doing things that challenge you.”
“I give her the only honest and true answer I have.
"You're where I want to be.”
“My dream is to find a guy who'll love me despite my flaws and won't turn away from me when a perfect girl walks by. Maybe a boy like that doesn't even exist.”
“No, the next time i kiss you it'll last a long, long time. And then when we're done you're gonna realize being turned on is not about experience”
“You're stressing too much about what might be. Do something to take your mind off thinking about what might never happen.”
“Being brave is not as easy as it looks.”
“I wasn't going to kiss you."'
'You weren't?' I look up look up at him.
[...]
'Nope, the next time I kiss you it'll last a long, long time. And when we're done you're going to realize being turned on is not about experience.”
“It's as if I'm taking away his pain and he's taking away mine.”
“what could i do to make the one i loved love me back ?”
“Being told when to shit, shower, shave, eat, and sleep isn't my idea of paradise. But then again, Paradise, where i grew up, wasn't paradise either. I'm wondering if paradise is just some word in the dictionary with the definition: this doesn't fucking exist.
--Caleb to himself”
“I can't sleep. Too many thoughts running through my useless head.”
“I let it all out--my mom's date,my dad's conversation,my confusion about it all.Caleb doesn't laugh,he doesn't pull away,he doesn't talk .. He just lets me be me.
When I settle down,I lean back and witness the mess I've made on his shirt."I made ur shirt all gross," I say between sniffles.
"Forget the shirt.What's going on? I could.nt understand a word you mumbled into my chest." Now I'm half laughing and half crying.”
“I want to be wherever you are.”
“I'm standing here, holding a half a lemon in my hand. I'm speechless, I'm excited . . . I'm a wreck. Caleb wants to be where I am.”
“I'll tell you what's real. Real is that I was in jail for the past year, rooming with drug dealers and eating crap food your dog wouldn't touch. Real is not being able to wear your own frickin' underwear and showering with twenty-five other dicks every day while guards watch. Real is my next-door neighbor who walks like she's balancing on stilts because her leg is so fucked up from the accident. Brian, your perception of reality is totally off.”
“Cómo me gustaría poder retroceder al año pasado y empezar de nuevo. La vida no te permite hacer eso. No es posible borrar el pasado, pero voy a tratar de hacer que otras personas lo olviden.”
“— ¿Me estas siguiendo? —ella pregunta, pero no se encuentra con mi mirada.
—Si —le digo.
— ¿Por qué?
— ¿Honestamente?
Ella me mira, sus cejas enarcadas. Le doy la única respuesta honesta y verdadera que tengo.
—Estas donde yo quiero estar.”
“Es difícil mantener todo igual cuando las mismas cosas lucen y se sienten diferentes.”
“—Te diré a lo que es real. Real es que yo estaba en la cárcel durante el último año, quedándome en conjunto con los distribuidores de drogas y consumiendo una porquería de basura como alimento, que ni siquiera tu perro tocaría. Real es no poder usar la maldita ropa interior propia y ducharte con veinticinco pollas de otros tipos todos los días mientras los guardias vigilan el reloj. Real es que mi vecina de al lado que camina como si estuviera en equilibrio sobre unos zancos, porque la pierna está tan jodido por el accidente. Brian, tu percepción de la realidad es totalmente errónea.”
“A veces hay que alejarse de la multitud para ser una mejor persona. No siempre es fácil, eso es seguro. Pero es correcto. Y a veces hacer lo correcto se siente muy bien.”
“I'm going to kiss you."
"Here?"
"Oh, yeah. Right here, right now.”
“—No, la próxima vez que te bese durará un largo, largo tiempo. Y cuando lo hayamos hecho comprenderás que estar excitado no es sobre la experiencia.”
“Kendra's kisses are more hollow to me than a flute.”
“For some reason Canon Fenneau made me feel a little uneasy. His voice might be soft, it was also coercive. He had small eyes, a large loose mouth, the lips thick, a somewhat receding chin. The eyes were the main feature. They were unusual eyes, not only almost unnaturally small, but vague, moist, dreamy, the eyes of a medium. His cherubic side, increased by a long slightly uptilted nose, was a little too good to be true, with eyes like that. In the manner in which he gave you all his attention there was a taste for mastery.”
“Benjamin started; an almost chemical change seemed to dissolve and recompose the very elements of his body. A rigour passed over him, blood rose into his cheeks, his forehead, and there was a steady thumping in his ears. It was first love.”
“Daffodowndilly
She wore her yellow sun-bonnet,
She wore her greenest gown;
She turned to the south wind
And curtsied up and down.
She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbor:
"Winter is dead.”
“Everyone should know what it’s like to get a C.”
“leaders.’ Nebe snorted and went back round his desk. ‘You’re going to have to watch your mouth, Bernie,’ he said, half-amused. ‘Get to the funny bit.’ ‘Well, it’s this. A number of recent reports, complaints if you like, made to Kripo by those related to institutionalized people leads me to suspect that some sort of mercy-killing is already being unofficially practised.’ I leant forward and grasped the bridge of my nose. ‘Do you ever get headaches? I get headaches. It’s smell that really sets them off. Paint smells pretty bad. So does formaldehyde in the mortuary. But the worst are those rotten pissing places you get where the dozers and rum-sweats sleep rough. That’s a smell I can recall in my worst nightmares. You know, Arthur, I thought I knew every bad smell there was in this city. But that’s last month’s shit fried with last year’s eggs.’ Nebe pulled open a drawer and took out a bottle and two glasses. He said nothing as he poured a couple of large ones. I threw it back and waited for the fiery spirit to seek out what was left of my heart and stomach. I nodded and let him pour me another. I said: ‘Just when you thought that things couldn’t get any worse, you find out that they’ve always been a lot worse than you thought they were. And then they get worse.’ I drained the second glass and then surveyed its empty shape. ‘Thanks for telling me straight, Arthur.’ I dragged myself to my feet. ‘And thanks for the warmer.’ ‘Please keep me informed about your suspect,’ he said. ‘You might consider letting a couple of your men work a friend-and-foe shift on him. No rough stuff, just a bit of the old-fashioned psychological pressure. You know the sort of thing I mean. Incidentally, how are you getting on with your team? Everything working out there? No resentments, or anything like that?’ I could have sat down again and given him a list of”
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