Jaded

Because that’s what parents do, right? Try to mend a heart they didn’t break.

He wasn't a bad person. But men like him - in positions of power who watched the wheels of suppression turn from a distance, standing by and doing nothing - were the protectors of the broken system. They're the fuel that made the fire burn.

I'd tell her that recovery would be like the temple: built between an enormous boulder and a cliff's edge. The construction would be perilous, with the laying of every stone risking a drop into the abyss. Her trauma would be the boulder, an unforgiving hard ball within her. It can never be removed. It would never yield, erode, soften. It would take time, and respect for the delicate ecosystem, but she would slowly build something intricate around this boulder. The architecture she assembled encased the boulder, protected it from rolling over the cliff's edge. Every time she needed more building materials, she would have to descend the mountain and carry each brick up. It would break her back, turn her hands and feet hard with callouses, crush her spirit. But when the final tile slotted into place, the painstaking years on the brutal mountainside would be worthwhile in the way the far-reaching views of the landscape from the temple made her catch her breath. She would finally take in the sky and the sea, the colourful boats docked at the harbour below, the verdant rice paddies, and the tiny villages dotted in between the valleys. The boulder and the cliff won't be all she sees any more.

He wasn’t a bad person. But men like him – in positions of power who watched the wheels of suppression turn from a distance, standing by and doing nothing – were the protectors of the broken system. They’re the fuel that made the fire burn.

In adulthood, I realized how many years were wasted with my inability to read these quiet acts of service. I lost time, frustrated that she didn’t overcome all of her traumas, rather than marveling at her strength in overcoming some of them.

Privilege comes in many forms: having no emotional investment in the political topics you debate is one of them. Peers tussled over the role of devil’s advocate because championing for closing borders to refugees can be a gleeful mental exercise when your family have never fled war.

Because certain behaviors are only glamorous if displayed by the upper-middle class: being multilingual, tax avoidance, secondhand shopping, having financial support from family, and hard drugs.

But men like him – in positions of power who watched the wheels of suppression turn from a distance, standing by and doing nothing – were the protectors of the broken system. They’re the fuel that made the fire burn.

But as I looked at my mother, I realised I have always craved something from her that she was unable to give me.

When did we internalize that it was arrogant for a woman to openly acknowledge her ability?

When I had a rough day he cuddled me, kissed me, told me I'm in awe of you. You're the strongest woman I know. You can get through anything. But he said nothing further. Soothed me with praise of my strength when I needed him to accept my weakness. Hushed me with a standard I didn't know how to meet any more.