How to Be a Movie Star

He’s going to murder me,” Josy moaned. “And then he won’t want to be my boyfriend because I’m dead, and no one wants to date a dead guy except for necrophiliacs and teenage girls.

But if you worry too much about all the things you could be, you’ll miss out on all the things you actually are.

So turtles, right?” “Right.” “They exist.” Casey was so smart. “Yes.” “And they move really slow.” “So slow,” Josy agreed. “But they don’t know that. To them, that’s their normal speed, and everyone else moves superfast.” “That must be really weird.” “Totally. But the point is you’re a turtle. You don’t know any different because you don’t need to. It’s just who you are. You do things your own way. You take your time. And turtles have their homes already around them, so anyone who goes near them is already in their home. It’s how I feel about you. I go near you, and I feel like I’m home.

The script supervisor wasn’t pleased, but Quincy told him that sex wasn’t needed to show love.” “Wow,” Josy said. “That’s deep. My name is Josiah Erickson, and I approve this message.

I'm a Rubik's Cube,“ Josy said honestly. „I'm made up of rainbow colors, but they're all out of order, and you need to spin me around until I start making sense.

Xander looked toward the ceiling. “I love you.” “Thanks, man,” Josy said happily. “I love you too.” “But I don’t like you very much right now.” “Oh. That’s a bummer to hear so soon after the whole love thing.

Maybe try the hipster ones.” “You’re so hot, I better date you before you’re cool!” Quincy shouted. “My feelings for you are one hundred percent organic and locally sourced! Are you gluten-free tonight, because I’d like to take you on a date! I’d still care about you even if you went mainstream! Roses are red, your shirt is ironic, your drink of choice is probably a mason jar filled with a vodka tonic!

Since it wasn’t polite to ask someone if he could keep them in his pocket, he didn’t.

You know you live in America when people can hate who you love, but then can turn around and hug a damn racist. Fuck them. You go out and show them just how stupid they are.

And he was wearing a tie. With rabbits on it. And that did things for Josy.

You’re the only one I trust to help me with my love life.” “That was the worst thing a human being has ever said to me. Don’t do it again.

Gustavo! Stop shaking your fists at that mermaid! You’ll scare away potential customers!

Josy was certain of a few things in his life. He wanted to be an actor. He had an agent who cared about his future. He had friends he’d somehow managed to carve into a family. He liked weed and funky socks with animals on them. He was good at radio trivia (which for some reason didn’t translate so well to bar trivia). He had a bong named Vlad the Inhaler, and maybe his parents would never come around to seeing that while his life would never be what they wanted, it was still a life worth living. And Josiah Erickson was certain that what he felt for Quincy Moore went beyond simple affection. Regardless of what happened tomorrow or any day after, he would remember this moment when he felt so full of light he thought he’d burst.

Also, we would accept donations in our name to Planned Parenthood, because the male Republicans who wish to dismantle it should have their testicles hooked up to a car battery. Maybe then they would understand what it feels like to be a woman in America.

He bumped Casey’s shoulder. “Thanks, dude.” “For what?” “Letting me be filmed naked in your bed-and-breakfast.” “You know what? I honestly thought I’d hear that sentence from you sooner or later. No big deal, man.

Dates usually meant expectations. And expectations led to situations that Josy wasn’t comfortable with. It was easier to just avoid it entirely.

Daxton had never even considered looking at a male before (human or otherwise), he found himself getting aroused. He thought that probably made him bisexual, since being gay for one person (or an ape creature) was preposterous and didn’t actually occur in the real world.

Do you have any tattoos?” “No? I mean, almost everyone I know does, but needles scare me, so I don’t have any. I mean, why would you want to sit in a chair and get repeatedly stabbed—

Gustavo was a whale and Josy was his barnacle. It was just meant to be.

The Internet is a fad that is full of Tumbling and children who write explicit fan fiction pornography based upon my boyfriend’s books. They should be outside playing with pinecones or hula hoops or whatever it is children do these days, not talking about a fictional threesome that will never happen.

With the fans, you smile and nod and take selfies and then hope they don’t follow you back to your house and murder you by shoving their underwear down your throat.

you need to hide away from the rest of the world. And it’s okay to do that, just as long as you don’t forget the world is waiting for you when you’re done.

Demi means you need to have a connection with someone before you can have romantic and/or sexual attraction,” Serge said. “And dude, you have a connection with him. Like a hard-core connection. You’re connecting all over the place.” “That’s not what this is,” Josy said faintly, though he was starting to doubt his own words. “You care about him, right?” “Yeah.” “Do you want to hold his hand?” “Oh yeah.” “Hug him?” “Such good hugs,” Josy whispered fervently. “Kiss him?” Yes. Yes he did. “Holy freaking crap,” Josy breathed. “I find Quincy Moore attractive.” Xander threw up his hands. “Good god, finally.” “I think he’s sexy.” “Good for you, man,” Serge said. “I want to put my mouth on his mouth.” “Okay,” Serge said. “That’s… good.” “He’s hot,” Josy said. “Like, frigging hot. I mean, the whole sex thing can wait or whatever, but goddamn. Have you seen him? I wish I was a blanket so I could lay on top of him all the time and keep him warm.

What’s the last picture you posted?” Serge asked. “Umm… me and Quincy on set this morning.” “And the one before that?” “Me and Quincy having dinner last night with Gustavo and Casey.” “And the one before that.” “Quincy hanging from a tree branch, trying to fix the lighting the way he wanted. He looked so funny. I don’t know why people don’t believe in evolution. We obviously descended from primates.” “And the one before that.” “Me and Quincy laying in a pile of leaves. Oh man, that was great. We jumped in it and everything.” Xander sighed. “Now look at Casey’s profile. What’s the common denominator for most of his pictures?” He searched for Casey’s Instagram and opened it. “Let’s see. There’s him and Gustavo. Gustavo. Gustavo. Him and Gustavo. Harry S. Truman. The We Three Queens. Gustavo. Gustavo. Gustavo and Casey. Gustavo and Casey. A loaded pipe. The B and B. Gustavo. Gustavo. Gustavo. Wow. You know, for someone who hates social media as much as Gustavo does, he’s sure in here a lot.” “And what does your page have in common with Casey’s?” Serge asked. Josy squinted down at his phone. “We use a lot of the same filters?

Life stings. It can bite and claw and kick you when you’re down. It can lift you up in celebration and clutch your heart until you think it’ll rip from your chest. It’s glorious and wonderful and oh so devastating. We sing and we laugh and we dance until we can move no more, and it’s all worth it. Every single piece. Every single part. Because life isn’t made up of the breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.

I want to live in your cow socks so I can be with you every step of the way.

When you stand up for yourself, you never know if you’re standing up for someone who isn’t ready to do the same. And you might be giving them the courage to do it somewhere down the road. And when they do, they help someone else. And it keeps on going down the line.

I think sometimes kids are born to the wrong parents. You know? Not because the parents do anything wrong but because they don’t know how to just… parent.

Lying on the floor under a Christmas tree with someone and looking up at the lights. Or going to the park and sitting on a blanket and reading comics to each other. Or watching a movie you’ve seen a billion times before and quoting the lines back and forth. It’s that feeling, right? That feeling of knowing you’re not alone because the person you’re with doesn’t want to be anywhere else but where they are.

Organized religion is a detriment to humanity.