“You want to know what it feels like to be castrated? Try having your nine-year-old brother protect you from your ex-girlfriend after you've told her you're in love with a man.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“There's nothing like being admonished by a nine-year-old ecoterrorist in training.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“I’ll never understand why people just won’t let others be who they are. It’s not like it’s affecting them in any way”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“You were the only thing that made me feel safe when the earthquakes threatened to break me. I needed you here because when you're not here, I don't have a home.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“Otter! Otter! Otter!
Don’t lead cows to slaughter!
I love you, and I know
I should’ve told you soon-a
But you didn’t buy the dolphin-safe tuna!”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“You can’t tell a little kid that you swear to God over something and then not do it. You may effectively ruin my childhood.” He looks off into nothing, a wistful expression on his face. “Gosh, think of the therapy bills. Not to mention how I’ll probably never be able to have a normal relationship when I’m an adult. I’ll live with you forever and become a cat lady.”
I cock an eyebrow at him. “You hate cats.” He rolls his eyes. “Well, yeah, now I do. But I won’t have a choice. It’ll be inevitable. And I’ll probably have to throw birthday parties for my feline companions where I bake them cakes out of
Fancy Feast. All because you went back on your God swear.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“If someone can care about me that deeply, despite all my faults, despite all my refutations, despite all my everythings, then that makes all the storms and all the oceans worth it.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“It’s not like I tease people with the things I’m doing,” the Kid continues. He deepens his voice. “Coming soon, I may or may not go outside. What will I choose? Find out… in another month.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“I know that," the Kid says smartly. "Some people are just not meant to be together. But that doesn't mean you can't love them.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“Bear. It’s always been you. It will always be you. I love you, and that’s why it will always be enough.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“He tethered me to him, my magnetic north, while my mind went here or there. I always knew. Somehow I always knew.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“...Ty grabbed my phone and threatened to tell Otter that I liked being spanked during sex.
This proceeded to lead up on a long tangent where I had to have him explain to me how he knows about stuff like people getting spanked during sex. H said he might have heard it mentioned while watching MSNBC. I told him he was grounded from watching the news channels for a week. That's where this whole sidebar should have ended, but then I was forced to explain S & M and bondage to my little brother, who was persistent on the topic, and who kept staring at me with mounting horror when I finally /did/ explain, and I realized I had maybe gone too far, and we had to spend the next five minutes swearing to God that I had never nor would I ever attempt to do anything like that. He might now be the only nine-year-old who has heard the terms "cock ring" and "fisting". My parenting skills are unparalleled.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“ 'There are enough people out there that will be more than willing to knock you down. There's no reason for you to do it to yourself.' ”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“You can't just wipe away your history.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“Otter. Otter. Otter,” I mutter. “Yes, Bear?” he says beautifully. “Don’t lead cows to slaughter,” I say. He arches an eyebrow. “Come again?” I take a deep breath. “I… love you and I know I should’ve told ya soon-a.” His eyes widen slightly. “Wait, what? You… me?” I shake my head. “But you didn’t buy the dolphin-safe tuna.” “Bear, what the hell? Did you just… rhyme?”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“Creed scowls. "Hardly. All he does now is mope like a goddamn teenage girl. Anytime I'm home, he's in his room with the door locked. I'm telling you guys, he got worked over really bad in San Diego. I thought the whole point of having a gay brother was that they were supposed to be all cool and shit. I got a defective gay.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“ 'There's a seagull eating our food,' he told me, and it was the most romantic thing I'd ever heard. ”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“I realized that I love him pure and simple. It's not a matter of logic or function. It's a matter of my heart.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“You've broken my heart, but it was mine to give.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“I told him God didn’t invent grocery stores. He told me that I had no proof of this, and wouldn’t I feel stupid when I died and went to heaven and saw God’s Food Mart? I told him that was a dumb name for a grocery store. He told me that I couldn’t do any better. I told him God’s grocery store was named God’s Amazing Food Emporium and that they had weekly specials on the Body Of Christ Sourdough bread loaves. He told me I was sacrilegious. I told him we weren’t any kind of religious.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“Kid, you may be the smartest person alive, but a master of subtlety you are not.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“He’s my brother. You don’t turn away from someone like him just because he likes dick instead of the good stuff.” I chuckle. “You certainly haven’t lost your way with words.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“The Kid told me that he thought gay people were supposed to be classy, but then he looked me up and down and said that even nice stereotypes can be a detriment to society because I obviously wasn’t classy.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“I may not be the biggest Kid in the world, and I may not be the smartest, and I may not have been around to learn everything there is to know, but I do know this: people in love do the stupidest things.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“He hesitates, then says, "You don't think Otter... gets offended by what I say?" He begins to speak faster. "I mean, I don't care who Otter sleeps with. I don't care that he's a fa- gay. I don't care that he's gay. Why would I ?" He grins thinly. "He's my brother. You don't turn away from someone like him just because he likes sick instead if the good stuff.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“So while I drove my little and planned his fantasy night of how I was going to give Otter the key to my soul (his words, not mine), I silently panicked and wrote lines of bad poetry. Normally, I am quite adept at writing poems and lyrics to songs I'l never sing, but this stuff was just atrocious. For example:
I love you
You love me
Thank God for that
I'm so happy
And Ty's personal favorite (which he helped me on):
Otter! Otter! Otter!
Don't lead cows to slaughter
I love you and I know
I should've told you soon-a
But you didn't buy the dolphin-safe tuna!
TY asked me if I got the hidden message in his poem. I told him it was loud and clear.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“Don’t be difficult, Bear. It’s unattractive.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“Bear, I think having sand in your butt crack must be really uncomfortable. Maybe you should go change your clothes. You don’t want to catch sand crabs. What’s the point of getting crabs when you weren’t having any fun doing it?”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“I told the Kid I thought Wednesday was Latin for Satan, and that we probably shouldn't do it then because it might be bad luck. The Kid then proceeded to tell me what the word Wednesday actually means and where it came from (apparently it's Middle English for Wednes dei, the day of the English God Woden--how the hell he knows these things, I'll never know). He then said to stop being such a girl.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“I can’t wait for the day when you tell me you’ve got the clap.” He cocks his head to the side. “That’s what you can’t wait for? Out of everything in the world, that’s what you can’t wait for? Bear, that’s just sad. And very, very mean of you. Just for that, if I do get the clap, I am going to pee in your mouth while you are sleeping, and then you can have the clap with me.” He starts grabbing his crotch and moaning, and I laugh and try to get away, but he presses me up against the wall. An old couple walks out of the store and stares at us. He waves at them and says, “It’s okay. We’re gay. This is my life partner, Greg.”
― T.J. Klune, quote from Bear, Otter, and the Kid
T.J. Klune
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“An interesting thing happened today,” she said, giving me just enough time to get the word “hi” out of my mouth. “I opened the front door and there was a man on my doorstep. A big man. A very big, very black man.”
“Rachel —”
“You said it would be discreet. His T–shirt had the words ‘Klan Killer’ written on the front.”
“I —”
“And do you know what he said?”
I waited.
“He handed me a note from Louis and told me he was lactose intolerant. That was it. Note. Lactose intolerant. Nothing else. He’s coming to the reading with me. It was all I could do to get him to change his T–shirt. The new one reads ‘Black Death.’ I’m going to tell people it’s a rap band. Do you think it’s a rap band?”
I figured it was probably his occupation, but I didn’t say that. Instead, I said the only thing I could think of to say.
“Maybe you’d better buy some soy milk.”
She hung up without saying good–bye.”
― John Connolly, quote from The White Road
“The next day, Greg is so large that he cannot even ride the car to school because he can't fit in the car. His parents believe this to have been caused by a food allergy and resolve to take him to the doctor later.”
― R.L. Stine, quote from Say Cheese and Die!
“For a West Point graduate to abandon his appointed task in the face of adversity or personal discomfort was all but inconceivable.”
― David McCullough, quote from The Path Between the Seas: The Creation of the Panama Canal, 1870-1914
“Don't lose out on something that could be forever because you think the timing isn't right. Don't let fate decide.”
― Nicole Reed, quote from Ruining You
“You're a nonconformist.”
“That didn’t used to be a felony.”
“It is now. Live in the world around you.”
― Harlan Ellison, quote from "Repent, Harlequin!" Said the Ticktockman
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