Honestly Ben

But I do think that when we choose the easy path, where people or society reward us for being what they want us to be, against who we really are, a kind of death occurs. To the soul.

I think it's okay to just say who you are without it being final or something. I mean, none of us are finished products. We change. We keep changing. We won't be finished products 'til the day we die.

Anyway, my whole thing is, whatever path I'm on, I'm on. I'm not going to avoid it because it's harder for the world, or even harder for me. I'm like, I gotta be me, you know?

The idea that because things are worse somewhere else, you’re not allowed to have issues in your life. That’s what people who are trying to avoid having normal feelings say.

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

And during, I realized that the labels didn’t matter, because when two people feel that sort of pull toward each other, it just works, and the only label that mattered was that I was in love. Totally, fully, ecstatically.

Vulnerability is allowing people to see you exactly as you are, which is really hard, because when you’re vulnerable you can get hurt. Most people armor up with bravado or something, but those people are missing out, because without allowing yourself to be vulnerable, it’s tough to have, like, any emotional experience at all. Letting people in is really vulnerable, and most people—especially introverts—have trouble.

The finite, to me, was a thing of beauty. There was a start and an end. Someday we'd all be history, and if I was going to be history then, it meant I existed now. Sometimes I wasn't so sure of that.

My dad always says this thing, that when you have a foot in tomorrow and a foot in yesterday, you’re pissing all over the present.

I think some people are bi, definitely.

I turned to Rafe and swam (and sunk) in his hazel eyes.

As I opened the car door and stepped back into the chilly night, I was thinking that maybe the key to life is to have goldfish memories. So you can’t remember the time a friend hurt you. So you can give second and third and even fourth chances. To yourself too. Because sometimes it takes multiple

Well, I definitely believe that there are more things under the sun than we understand, and people are just people. Live and let live and all that." - Benjamin Carver

Everybody wanted something from me, and some days it felt like I was being pulled in thirty different directions, and I wondered how anyone figured out how to be all things to all people without going insane. The

It’s not, like, denial? In the GSA we joke that bi guys are just gay guys who aren’t ready to admit it yet.” I

I shivered. Careful, I told myself. You don't want to set yourself up for a fall. Be happy. Just not too happy.

I dont always know what to say.' 'Why do you have to know? Can't you just say things without knowing if they're the right things to say?

I was thinking that maybe the key to life is to have goldfish memories. So you can't remember the times a friend hurt you. So you can give second and third and even fourth chances. to yourself to. Because sometimes it takes multiple chances to get things fully right to put the universe in order.

But to me, bi meant equally attracted to boys and girls. I wasn’t that. I was basically attracted to girls and one specific guy. There had to be a term for that.

Then I would be considered, well, I don’t know what. Gay? Bi? Which I wasn’t. And if I was, that meant I was something my dad thought was bad. Unlovable.

So if I were a—transphobe—that would be, like, a deal breaker?” “It wouldn’t be a good thing,” she said.

I’m just me, and me is confusing

I'm so tired of being a type... it's not just a black and white thing. Jock. Geek. Stoner. No one is considered just a human being, it seems like.

...when you have a foot in tomorrow and a foot in yesterday, you're pissing all over the present.

I wanted to watch his mouth as I made him laugh. I wanted to see his face light up with the spark of whatever silly joke there was, and I wanted to kiss him too, and really more than that, which was not a straight thing, I know, but it was also true.

And it's hard to express the truth when the world wants you to be someone else.

Love you, Ben.' My facial muscles relaxed. I hadn't realized it, but I'd been tense in my face all day until that moment. 'Love you more,' I said, and I turned to face him, and our lips met, lightly, and we stayed connected like that for what felt like forever, and I was home again.

That was a level of commitment I’d never be able to understand, and I wished there was something out there I felt so strongly about I’d willingly die for it.

In the grand scheme of the universe, that doesn't amount to a parasite on an ant on the butt of an elephant." - Benjamin Carver