Tigers and Devils

So what are you going to wear?” I looked at her, wondering if she thought I had suddenly grown a vagina in the past five minutes. “Clothes.

When single you are,” Roger said, imitating Yoda dispensing advice to Luke, “get laid you can. When married you get, make love you do.

I would never have broken up with you," I said earnestly. "I'm more miserable without you than I am with you." As soon as that sentence came out I groaned, because I knew how bad it sounded. But Declan laughed. "Vintage Simon Murray comment.

And I know when you’re a teenager everybody feels different and alien to the other people around them but there seems to be an added dimension when you’re queer. It’s because for that period of time you’re more isolated than anybody else and you truly think you are the only one of your kind. So you create fantastic barriers and defence strategies for yourself to survive. And when you get older and realise that you can take them down it’s an internal and eternal struggle to do so. Fear is the best anti-motivator in the world.

Do you want to know what one definition of bizarre might be? Driving to your closeted boyfriend's pretend-girlfriend's house to watch them prepare for a faux date.

The doorbell rang, and I assumed it was Fran and Roger having come back because they had forgotten something. I took my time, lacing my boots, and the buzzer became more impatient. “I’m coming, shithead!” I yelled. Yes, I should have known better. For of course, it was not Roger or Fran. I threw open the door to find Declan Tyler standing there, looking half-insulted and half-amused. “Got a pet name for me already?” he asked.

Guys hung out all the time. It didn’t mean they were gay. But when you are gay, you automatically think everybody knows and wonder if you’re safe.

It's just going to add to him thinking that I am a crazy, wanky, greenie, hybriddriving hippie," I complained. "Has he seen your bomb of a car?" Fran asked in disbelief. "Greenpeace arranges a protest every time it leaves your driveway.

Neither my sexuality or my efforts or lack of effort on the football field make up the whole sum of me.

So, what are you going to wear?" I looked at her, wondering if she thought I had suddenly grown a vagina in the past five minutes. "Clothes." She sighed. "Men.

Women and gay guys always get stuck with that image that they couldn’t possibly be interested in the game itself—it had to be the guys. I mean sure it’s a fringe benefit but when the game is on the last thing you’re thinking about is the bodies of the men. You’re concentrating on that red leather oval ball and if it will make it between the triad of poles that will either signify glory or failure.

And suddenly I was lying on the floor looking up at the ceiling, my face numb. At least, numb until the adrenaline vanished and pain flooded into every nerve of my skull. I blinked away stars and Tweety Birds, to see Dec and Abe standing above me and looking down, both of their faces frozen in different ways: DECLAN / ABE Worry / Worry Shock / Shock Anger / Mortification Rage / Guilt hating seeing loved one hurt / hating having hurt a friend about to go Hulk-like / wanting to run, but standing his ground

In life, like football, you need a good team to support you. I have that. And if you have that, no matter what happens, you’ll always be okay.

That may be the gayest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” “No, the gayest thing you’ve probably heard me say is ooh Declan yes yes more.

Simon, at the moment, you’re going to have to choose your fights. And, of course, you being you, you’re choosing the wrong ones.

You can hate me right now,” Roger said, “but there’s a part of you knows I’m telling the truth, and you don’t want me bringing it up because that means you’ll have to think about it some more. And that will destroy this little Disney fantasy you’ve currently got in your head.

Yeah, good. You know how to reach me.” I felt like slapping myself in the head as soon as I said it. Declan chuckled. “You’re on speed dial.

I hadn’t wanted to be vulgar. It’s really not me. But it was fun to test Roger. Like most guys, he’s easy to gross out when you describe any guy-on-guy action to them. It’s my opinion they usually act so grossed out because they’re too scared to think about if it actually happened to them, they might enjoy it.

You look good,” she said approvingly. “Doesn’t he look good, Roger?” “I can’t believe I’m not dating him myself,” Roger said obediently.

Christ, Simon, do you have anything that wasn’t bought from an op-shop?” “It’s my style,” was my weak defence. “Your style says you’re cheap,” Roger told me.

It’s my life,” I said childishly. “And as your friend, he will always butt into it, awkwardly to be sure, and then back off instantly,” Fran replied.

Hey, Roger, just so’s you know, I like guys.” And his reaction? “Crap, you’re in love with me, aren’t you?

But that’s the thing when you grow up feeling different to everyone else. And I know when you’re a teenager everybody feels different and alien to the other people around them, but there seems to be an added dimension when you’re queer. It’s because for that period of time you’re more isolated than anybody else, and you truly think you are the only one of your kind so you create fantastic barriers and defence strategies for yourself to survive. And when you get older and realise that you can take them down, it’s an internal and eternal struggle to do so. Fear is the best de-motivator in the world.

The less people supporting Essendon was the less she had to share them.

And if you drink anymore, I’m going to have to carry you to the cab.” “You’ll do that?” “Fuck, no! Switch to Coke!

It’s scary enough dealing with life day to day without taking into consideration the hugeness of the future.

Maybe he’s more traditional than you. And by that, I mean less slutty.” I