Sex Object: A Memoir
Quotes from the Book
What’s the worst possible thing you can call a woman? Don’t hold back, now. You’re probably thinking of words like slut, whore, bitch, cunt (I told you not to hold back!), skank. Okay, now, what are the worst things you can call a guy? Fag, girl, bitch, pussy. I’ve even heard the term “mangina.” Notice anything? The worst thing you can call a girl is a girl. The worst thing you can call a guy is a girl. Being a woman is the ultimate insult. Now tell me that’s not royally fucked up.
As different as we all are, there’s one thing most young women have in common: We’re all brought up to feel like there’s something wrong with us. We’re too fat. We’re dumb. We’re too smart. We’re not ladylike enough - ‘stop cursing, chewing with your mouth open, speaking your mind’. We’re too slutty. We’re not slutty enough. Fuck that. You’re not too fat. You’re not too loud. You’re not too smart. You’re not unladylike. There is nothing wrong with you.
If your husband is cheating on you, it doesn't mean that you need to get prettier -- it means he's a scumbag.
While falling in love is fun, it's not everything, and it's not the antidote to an unfulfilled life, despite what Reese Witherspoon movies may tell you.
When I was in college, a teacher once said that all women live by a ‘rape schedule.’ I was baffled by the term, but as she went on to explain, I got really freaked out. Because I realized that I knew exactly what she was talking about. And you do too. Because of their constant fear of rape (conscious or not), women do things throughout the day to protect themselves. Whether it’s carrying our keys in our hands as we walk home, locking our car doors as soon as we get in, or not walking down certain streets, we take precautions. While taking precautions is certainly not a bad idea, the fact that certain things women do are so ingrained into our daily routines is truly disturbing. It’s essentially like living in a prison – all the time. We can’t assume that we’re safe anywhere: not on the streets, not in our homes. And we’re so used to feeling unsafe that we don’t even see that there’s something seriously fucked up about it.
Do you think it is fair that guy will make more money doing the same job as you? Does it piss you off and scare you when you find out about your friends getting raped? Do you ever feel like shit about your body? Do you ever feel like something is weong with you because you don't fit into this bizarre ideal of what girls are supposed to be like? Well, my friend, I hate to break it to you, but you're hardcore feminist. I swear.
Value yourself for what the media doesn't - your intelligence, your street smarts, your ability to play a kick-ass game of pool, whatever. So long as it's not just valuing yourself for your ability to look hot in a bikini and be available to men, it's an improvement.
Shit is fucked up when it comes to appearances and women. We’re expected to be hot - but if we are, we’re vain and stupid. And if we’re not hot we’re useless. Kind of hard to get around. But we’re not stupid. We know that we’re doing damage to ourselves - not only to our bodies but also to our mental well-being. And it’s not worth it.
At the end of the day, though, the entire basis for consent laws doesn't make sense. We're not old enough to decide if we don't want a baby, but we are old enough to have one?
According to pop culture, women are either searching for a man, with a man, or getting over one.
Beautiful’ is bullshit, a standard created to make women into good consumers, too busy wallowing in self-loathing to notice that we’re second-class citizens.
So remember, this is definitely a screwed-if-you-do, screwed-if-you-don't situation. You just remember to say, "Screw them.
Women politicians have definitely been known to fuck over other women. Democratic Louisiana
So as lovely as romance can be, we have to make sure that we’re not falling into the trap of making our entire life about searching for an unrealistic notion of happiness. While falling in love is fun, it’s not everything, and it’s not the antidote to an unfulfilled life, despite what Reese Witherspoon movies may tell you.
The important thing is that we are participating-whether it's by running, voting, or supporting (financially or otherwise) candidates who make a difference to women. Don't leave shit up to others, 'cause that's how we get fucked over.
As different as we all are, there's one thing most young women have in common: We're all brought up to feel like there's something wrong with us. We're too fat. We're dumb. We're too smart. We're not ladylike enough ... Fuck that. You're not too fat. You're not too loud. You're not too smart. You'r not unladylike. There is nothing wrong with you.
Watch on YouTube
About Jessica Valenti
More by Jessica Valenti
Sex Object: A Memoir
Abortion: Our Bodies, Their Lies, and the Truths We Use to Win
About the book
Feminism isn't dead. It just isn't very cool anymore. Enter Full Frontal Feminism, a book that embodies the forward-looking messages that author Jessica Valenti propagated as founder of the popular website, Feministing.com.
This revised edition includes a new foreword by Valenti, reflecting upon what’s happened in the five years since Full Frontal Feminism was originally published. With new openers from Valenti in every chapter, the book covers a range of topics, including pop culture, health, reproductive rights, violence, education, relationships, and more.
Chapters You’re a Hardcore Feminist. I Swear. Feminists Do It Better (and Other Sex Tips) Pop Culture Gone Wild The Blame (and Shame) Game If These Uterine Walls Could Talk My Big Fat Unnecessary Wedding and Other Dating Diseases “Real” Women Have Babies I Promise I Won’t Say “Herstory” Boys Do Cry Beauty Cult Sex and the City Vo
Book details
- First published
- 2007
- Author
- Jessica Valenti
- Genre
- Nonfiction
- Goodreads rating
- 3.86 (8k ratings)
Keep reading
How to Be a Woman
Sex Object: A Memoir
The Favorite Sister
Trainwreck: The Women We Love to Hate, Mock, and Fear... and Why
Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman
Bad Feminist
Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture
You'll Grow Out of It
Feminists Don't Wear Pink (And Other Lies): Amazing Women on What the F-Word Means to Them
Unspeakable Things: Sex, Lies and Revolution
MILF: Motherhood, Identity, Love and F*ckery
Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture
Bitch: In Praise of Difficult Women
Cunt: A Declaration of Independence
Brave
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life
Moxie
I Don't Care About Your Band: Lessons Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated
The Change
The Truth Will Set You Free, But First It Will Piss You Off!: Thoughts on Life, Love, and Rebellion
Scrappy Little Nobody
The Chase
Women Don't Owe You Pretty
A Certain Hunger
Men Explain Things to Me
The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love: A Fallen Southern Belle's Look at Love, Life, Men, Marriage, and Being Prepared
I'm Fine...And Other Lies
Too Fat, Too Slutty, Too Loud: The Rise and Reign of the Unruly Woman
The Witches Are Coming
We Should All Be Feminists
Feminist Fight Club: An Office Survival Manual for a Sexist Workplace
The Female Man
Stay Sexy & Don't Get Murdered: The Definitive How-To Guide
The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
More Than a Woman: A Brutally Honest and Hilarious Feminist Memoir on Parenting, Marriage, and Middle-Age
Boys Will Be Boys: Power, Patriarchy and the Toxic Bonds of Mateship
The Female Eunuch
Everyday Sexism
The Women's Room
The Geek Feminist Revolution
A Woman's Worth
This Is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch: The Joy of Loving Something--Anything--Like Your Life Depends On It
Paris: A Memoir for Young Women in the Age of Influencers
If You Can't Take the Heat: Tales of Food, Feminism, and Fury
The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
Gone Girl
Animal: The Autobiography of a Female Body
Beauty Queens
Killers of a Certain Age
Self-Inflicted Wounds: Heartwarming Tales of Epic Humiliation
Why I Am Not a Feminist: A Feminist Manifesto
The Soul of a Woman
Tangled
Where Am I Now?
Things My Son Needs to Know About the World
Bridget Jones's Diary
What Happened
Queen of Babble
Bossypants

