Wayside School Gets A Little Stranger

up. It hit somewhere between the eighteenth and twentieth story. And never came down. There was no nineteenth story.

Dana raised her hand. "I learned about exaggeration," she said. "It was all my teacher ever talked about. We had like ten thousand tests on it, and the teacher would kill you if you didn't spell it right." "That's very good, Dana!" said Mrs. Jewls. "You learned your lesson well.

The bad stuff always rose to the top of the brain.

It is impossible to describe, in words, exactly what Miss Nogard heard when she listened to Mavis’s brain. Babies don’t think in words. Miss Nogard heard pure love. And trust. And faith. With no words to get in the way. It was a love so strong that it dissolved away all the bitterness that had been caked around her heart.

So remember,” said Mr. Kidswatter. “And please be careful! Always check to see if a door is open before going through it. And if it’s not open, open it.

Wait a second. I don’t have to tell you. You already know. Todd was sent to your school.

sure of it. And whatever she had heard, she was sure it wasn’t good. “What’s

But then a miracle happened. A new kid came to school. The new kid couldn’t talk. She had no teeth. She was almost bald. She was beautiful. Her name was Mavis Jewls. She was only four days old. She really was a new kid.

No one’s ever brought me flowers before,” said Mr. Kidswatter. “You may not believe this, Louis, but I don’t have many friends.” He put his hand on Louis’s shoulder. “You’re like a son to me,” he said. “And you’re a maggot-infested string bean,” muttered Louis. “What?” asked Mr. K. “I said, you’re a magnificent human being.

What’s a Brazil?” asked Eric Ovens. “Brazil is the largest country in South America,” said Mrs. Drazil. “Oh,” said Eric Ovens. “I thought it was one of those things that, you know, women wear, you know, on their bosom.” Several kids laughed. “No, that’s a brassiere,” said Mrs. Drazil.

you’re a magnificent human being.

POOPS?” asked Eric Ovens. “The Professional Organization Of Playground Supervisors,” explained Louis.

school secretary. She handed him a cup of hot coffee. Just like always. “Thank you, Miss Night,” said Mr. Kidswatter. He walked into his office. Except his office door was closed. He smashed into it, spilling coffee all over his green suit. “Who closed my door?” he demanded. “Why didn’t you just open it?” asked Mrs. Day. “It’s always open in the morning,” said Mr. Kidswatter. “How was I supposed to know it was closed this time?” Up on the thirtieth story, Mrs. Jewls took roll. Todd was absent. “Oh dear, I hope Todd is all right,” said Mrs. Jewls. “Todd’s never all right!” said Joy. She and Maurecia laughed.

If I tripped over that rubber-band ball, something awful might happen,

Christmas is nothing but a dirty, stinking lie!

.​Explanation 2.​A Message from the Principal 3.​Poetry 4.​Doctor Pickle 5.​A Story with a Disappointing Ending 6.​Pet Day 7.​A Bad Word 8.​Santa Claus 9.​Something Different about Mrs. Jewls 10.​Mr. Gorf 11.​Voices 12.​Nose 13.​The New Teacher 14.​A Light Bulb, a Pencil Sharpener, a Coffeepot, and a Sack of Potatoes 15.​An Elephant in Wayside School 16.​Mr. Poop 17.​Why the Children Decided They Had to Get Rid of Mrs. Drazil 18.​The Blue Notebook 19.​Time Out 20.​Elevators 21.​Open Wide 22.​Jane Smith 23.​Ears 24.​Glum and Blah 25.​Guilty 26.​Never Laugh at a Shoelace 27.​Way-High-Up Ball 28.​Flowers for a Very Special Person 29.​Stupid 30.​The Little Stranger

What a bunch of baloney! There I was, lying on a beach in Jamaica, when suddenly I get a fax that the dumb school was back open. Well, those kids better not bother me. My friends? That’s a joke! Like I would really want to be friends with those little snot-nose—What? Don’t tell me to shut up! You shut up! What’s on? You mean they’re hearing what I’m saying right this very second? Well, how do you turn it off? What button? I don’t see a red button. There is no red button. Oh, here it