Seconds Away

There's always a price you pay when you lie. Once you introduce a lie into a relationship, even for the best of intentions, it is always there. Whenever you’re with that person again, that lie is in the room too. It sits on your shoulder. Good lie or bad lie, it's in the room with you forever now. It's your constant companion.

Sometimes the loudest cries for help are silent.

You have heart disease, people understand. When the brain gets sick, well, it’s almost impossible to comprehend.

Mrs. Friedman lived in a happy snow globe of AP History.

I always assumed I’d find love like that. But now I don’t want it. It isn’t healthy. It makes you too dependent. You smile when they smile. You laugh when they laugh. But when they stop laughing, so do you. And when they die, a part of you dies too.

When I got off the phone with Rachel, I called Ema and filled her in on the plan. I wanted to get an update on Spoon, but, one, I didn’t know who to call, and, two, I didn’t want to be distracted. Spoon had made it clear: There was nothing I could do for him. I had to concentrate on finding the truth. I

There was only one photograph that may have been the Butcher of Lodz. It was, I thought, the most horrible photograph I had ever seen. It had been taken in November 1941 in the Baluty Marketplace in Lodz. Eighteen Jews were executed by hanging in that one day for trying to escape. In this photograph you could see three of them dangling by the neck from what looked like a child’s swing set. In the background, you could see the crowd somberly gathered—even children—forced to watch as a warning. And there, standing right next to the dead bodies, with his back to the camera, was a man in a Waffen-SS uniform. It was suddenly hard to breathe. I

Tyrell turned to me. “Come on. You gotta eat, right?” Hard to argue with that logic. We headed to Hobby’s Deli and sat in the corner. All three of us ordered triple-decker sandwiches the approximate size of a catcher’s mitt. It was the best sandwich I had ever eaten. On a scale of one to ten, if this was a ten, the next best sandwich I’d had was a three. “Cops

And then she walked into the room. Like calling this place a “house” was inadequate, saying she “walked” also seemed far too tame. Accurate, yes. I mean, she didn’t do anything extraordinary. Not really. She didn’t glide into the drawing room or ride in on a white horse or anything like that. But she might as well have. She made an entrance and she made it just by entering. I didn’t say “wow” out loud, but I almost did. We both quickly stood, not because we were being gentlemen, but because something about her entrance demanded it. There, in the flesh, was the talk of the town, the movie poster come to life, Angelica Wyatt. “You

I thought about that, about this town, about what it has done to him. Spoon wasn’t so much actively bullied or picked on as he was ignored. Week after week, month after month, year after year—ignored or worse. He had found an escape by pouring himself into things that don’t turn away from you—musical theater, books, random facts, his imagination. He was like a sponge, absorbing all of this information and goodness, but he didn’t really have anyone to wring himself out on, as it were. Except

But it was hard to reveal more. When you travel that much, you don’t get to make many (or really, any) friends. It was one of the reasons I wanted so much to settle down, why my father ultimately quit his job and moved us to California and signed me up for a real school and, well, died. So you see, what happened after we returned to the United States—my father’s death, my mother’s downward spiral—was my fault. No matter how you wanted to slice it, it was on me. “If you don’t want to tell me . . . ,” Ema began. “No, I do.” Again she gave me the big eyes, the ones that seemed so focused, so understanding and kind. “The

Your world doesn’t come apart slowly. It doesn’t gradually crumble or break into pieces. It can be destroyed in a snap of the fingers. So what happened?

I don’t mean little things like, say, what cereal turns out to be your favorite or whether you get into any AP classes or what girl you fall in love with or where you wind up living for the next twenty years. I mean total change. One second your world is one thing, the next—snap!—it is completely altered. All the rules, all the things you accepted about reality, are turned around.

It was getting late. I was tired and confused. “Do you believe it’s okay to lie sometimes?” Myron put down the slice and wiped his hands on a napkin. “Sure.” “Just like that?” “Just like that. It’s the eternal question—do the ends justify the means?” “And do they?” Myron smiled. “If anyone has a sure answer to that one, be wary. Anyone who answers definitely yes or definitely no is someone who isn’t thinking things through.” “So

So Ema and I went our separate ways. I got home, still lost in my thoughts. I had figured out what had happened in the Caldwell household. Most of it, anyway. I was having trouble making all the pieces fit. There was, I knew, only one way to get the answers I needed. It was going to involve putting myself in more peril. I didn’t relish that either. There was a fine line between being daringly brave and foolishly suicidal. I wasn’t in the mood to find out just how fine. But

I waited. Then I said, “So you think, what, people should step back and just let things take their course?” “No.” “So what’s your point?” “Maybe nothing,” Uncle Myron said. “Or maybe I need you to understand that what you’re trying to do isn’t easy. It isn’t black and white.” He shifted in his seat. “Pretend there are a bunch of figurines on a shaky shelf.” I arched an eyebrow. “Figurines?” “Just go with me, okay? If one of the figurines tips over and starts to fall, you should reach for it and try to catch it. But if you try too hard or dive after it too clumsily, you might knock down more figurines. You may save the first figurine but ultimately break more.” He

It was funny how the mind takes weird, circuitous routes sometimes. Do you ever start thinking of something odd and try to trace back to what started your thought process and really, your mind is going all over the place? That was what was happening, so here was the trail my brain took: When Ema mentioned basketball, I tried to push the thought away, but the one thing that would help me escape the pain of getting thrown off the basketball team would be . . . well, playing basketball. That made me think of the last time I played basketball, which made me think about playing yesterday in Newark, which made me think about Tyrell Waters and what he might be doing, which made me think about his father, Detective Waters, which made me think about the ride home, which made me think about two things about Detective Waters: One, he was working on busting a drug ring in Kasselton. Two, he had known that Mr. Caldwell’s first name was Henry. How would he know that—and were those two things related?

Occam’s Razor. My father had often repeated that one to me. Occam’s Razor states the following: “Other things being equal, a simpler explanation is better than a more complex one.” Put more succinctly, the simplest answer was usually the best one. So

Shaved Head said nothing. “What’s going on here?” I asked. “Why was Rachel shot?” “I don’t know.” “I don’t believe you,” I said. “Believe what you will. These are the risks we all take.” “What