Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing

dope-pushers hang around there. But taking dope is even dumber than smoking, so nobody’s going to hook me! We live on

windup train that made a lot of noise. Every time it bumped into something it turned around and went the other way. Fudge liked it a lot. He likes anything that’s noisy.

Ralph arrived first. He’s really fat. And he isn’t even four years old. He doesn’t say much either. He grunts and grabs a lot, though. Usually his mouth is stuffed full of something.

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Nobody ever worries about me the way they worry about Fudge. If I decided not to eat they’d probably never even notice!

I thought how great it would be if we could trade in Fudge for a nice cocker spaniel.

Jennie had a big smile on her face. Next thing I knew there was a puddle on

Berman’s foot measure. Then he turned it around and I put my right foot in. That’s another reason why my mother thinks Mr. Berman is good at selling

Jimmy Fargo’s birthday party. All the other guys got to take home goldfish in little plastic bags. I won him because I guessed there were three hundred and forty-eight jelly beans in Mrs. Fargo’s jar. Really,

My biggest problem is my brother, Farley Drexel Hatcher. He’s two-and-a-half years old. Everybody calls him Fudge. I

One night my father came home from the office all excited. He told us Mr. and Mrs. Yarby were coming to New York. He’s the president of the Juicy-O company. He