The Algebra of Happiness: Notes on the Pursuit of Success, Love, and Meaning

I believe most people are especially repelled by attributes in other people that remind them of things they loathe about themselves.

Balance when establishing your career, in my view, is largely a myth. “Struggle porn” will tell you that you must be miserable before you can be successful. This isn’t true: you can experience a lot of reward along the way to success. But if balance is your priority in your youth, then you need to accept that, unless you are a genius, you may not reach the upper rungs of economic security.

You want to cover more ground in less time than your peers. This is partially built on talent, but mostly on strategy and endurance

tell my students that nothing wonderful, I’m talking really fantastic, will happen without taking a risk and subjecting yourself to rejection. Serendipity is a function of courage.

love was a willingness to take the life you’ve built for yourself and tear it up for the other person.

Opportunity is a function of density. Get to a place that’s crowded with success. Big cities are Wimbledon—even if you aren’t Rafael Nadal, your game will improve by being on the court with him. And you’ll either get in better shape or learn you shouldn’t be at Wimbledon.

Entrepreneurship is a sales job with negative commissions until you raise capital, are profitable, or go out of business—whichever comes first.

There has to be a product that doesn’t require you to get out the spoon and publicly eat shit over and over. Actually, no, there isn’t.

Take a ton of pictures, text your friends stupid things, check in with old friends as often as possible, express admiration to coworkers, and every day, tell as many people as you can that you love them. A couple of minutes every day—the payoff is small at first, and then it’s immense.

The truth about 90-plus percent of entrepreneurs is that we start companies not because we’re so skilled, but because we don’t have the skills to be an effective employee.

Pay special attention to things that bring you joy that don’t involve mind-altering substances or a lot of money. Whether it’s cooking, capoeira, the guitar, or mountain biking, interests and hobbies add texture to your personality. Being “in the zone” is happiness. You lose the sense of time, forget yourself, and feel part of something larger.

Don’t keep score. It’s human nature to inflate your own contribution to the relationship and minimize your partner’s. Couples who are always taking notes on who’s done what for whom waste energy, and ultimately both feel as if they’re in the loss column. Decide if the relationship as a whole gives you joy and comfort, and if it does (and it better, at this point), then commit to always being on the positive side of the ledger—aim to be generous and do as much as you can for your partner, as often as possible.

Having a good person express how wonderful you are hundreds of times changes everything. College, professional success, an impressive mate—these were aspirations, not givens for a remarkably unremarkable kid in an upper-lower-middle-class household. My mom was forty-three, single, and making $15,000 a year as a secretary. She was also a good person who made me feel connected and, while waiting for our Opel, gave me the confidence that I had value, that I was capable and deserving of all these things. Holding hands and laughing, I was tethered.

Drive a Hyundai, and take your wife to St. Barts.

Having kids who are young enough to seem perfect but not old enough to recognize your imperfections creates an innocence and joy that I don’t believe I’ll register again until I have grandkids.

damn good at selling if you plan to start a business. Selling is calling people who don’t want to hear from you, pretending to like them, getting treated poorly, and then calling them again.

People who speak at universities, especially at commencement, who tell you to follow your passion—or my favorite, to “never give up”—are already rich.

We now worship at the altar of innovation and youth, versus character or kindness.

Achievement is just a moment in pencil unless you can share it with people you care about. Then it becomes real, a memory in permanent ink.

The number one piece of advice seniors would give to their younger selves is that they wish they’d been less hard on themselves

Your childhood, teens, and college years are the stuff of Han Solo, beer, road trips, random sexual encounters, and self-discovery. Pure magic. From your mid-twenties through your mid-forties, though, shit gets real—work, stress, and the realization that, despite what your teachers and your mom told you, you likely won’t be a senator or have a fragrance named after you.

Where you die, and who is around you at the end, is a strong signal of your success or failure in life.

fear of rejection is a bigger obstacle than lack of talent or the market.

But take notes on the things that give you joy and satisfaction, and start investing in those things. Pay special attention to things that bring you joy that don’t involve mind-altering substances or a lot of money. Whether it’s cooking, capoeira, the guitar, or mountain biking, interests and hobbies add texture to your personality. Being “in the zone” is happiness. You lose the sense of time, forget yourself, and feel part of something larger.

You recognize that your time here is limited, start smelling the roses, and begin affording yourself the happiness you deserve. So if in adulthood you find you’re stressed, even unhappy at times, recognize that this is a normal part of the journey and just keep on keepin’ on.

The world does not belong to the big, but to the fast. You want to cover more ground in less time than your peers. This is partially built on talent, but mostly on strategy and endurance.

Being “in the zone” is happiness. You lose the sense of time, forget yourself, and feel part of something larger.

The world does not belong to the big, but to the fast.