“Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?"
"You tell me." Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.”
“As he passed me, he leaned to Curran and handed him a paper fan folded from some sort of flyer.
Curran looked at the fan. “What?”
"An emergency precaution, Your Majesty. In case the lady faints.”
Curran just stared at him.
Raphael strode toward the Pit, turned, flexed a bit, and winked at me.
"Give me that,” I told Curran. “I need to fan myself.”
"No, you don’t.”
“His Majesty needs a can-I girl anyway. And I'm not it."
"A can-I girl?" Andrea frowned.
I leaned back. "'Can I fetch your food, Your Majesty? Can I tell you how strong and mighty you are, Your Majesty? Can I pick your fleas, Your Majesty? Can I kiss your ass, Your Majesty? Can I..."
It dawned on me that Raphael was sitting very still. Frozen, like a statue, his gaze fixed on the point above my head. "He's standing behind me, isn't he?"
Andrea nodded slowly.
"Technically it should be 'may I'," Curran said, his voice deeper than I remembered. "Since you're asking for permission."
Why me?
"To answer your question, yes, you may kiss my ass. Normally I prefer maintain my personal space, but you're a Friend of the Pack and your services have proven useful once or twice. I strive to accommodate the wishes of persons friendly to my people. My only question is, would kissing my ass be obeisance, grooming, or foreplay?”
“Every time I think you’ve reached the limits of arrogance, you show me new heights. Truly, your egotism is like the Universe—ever expanding.”
“I gave him a smile. I was aiming for sweet, but he turned a shade paler and scooted a bit farther from me. Note to self: work more on sweet and less on psycho-killer.”
“...you expect me to fall on my back with my legs spread."
"Not necessarily. ... You can fall on your hands and knees if you prefer. Or against the wall. Or on the kitchen counter. I suppose I might let you be on top, if you make it worth my while.”
“Kate makes good sausage," Jim said.
Six pairs of eyes stared at me. Thank you, Mr. Wonderful. Just what I needed.
"Oh yeah," Andrea snapped her fingers. "The links? The ones we had the beginning of the month? I didn't know you made those. I thought they were bought. They were so good." Her smile was positively cherubic. Of all the times not to be able to shoot laser beams out of my eyes...
"What do you put into your sausage, Kate?" Raphael wanted to know, giving me a perfectly innocent look.
Werejaguars with big mouths with a pinch of werehyena thrown in. "Venison and rabbit."
"That sounds like some fine sausage," Doolittle said. "Will you share the recipe?"
"Sure."
"I had no idea you were a sausage expert," Curran said with a completely straight face.
Die, die, die, die...
Even Derek cracked a smile. Raphael put his head down on the table and jerked a little.
"Is he choking?" Dali asked, wrinkling her forehead.
"No, he just needs a moment," Curran said. "Young bouda males. Easily excitable.”
“He scooped me up and suddenly I was pressed against his chest. “Were you worried about me?”
"No, I’m ranting for fun, because I’m a disagreeable bitch!”
“I ripped my left arm out of his hand and slammed my elbow into his solar plexus. He exhaled in a gasp. I lunged for the dagger and sat on top of him, my knees pinning his arms, my dagger on his throat.
He lay still. “I give up,” he said and smiled. “Your move.”
Er. I was sitting atop the Beast Lord in my underwear, holding a knife to his throat. What the hell was my next move?”
“You thought about dragging me into your bed this morning.”
"I thought about stabbing you and running away screaming. You broke into my house without permission and slobbered all over me. You’re a damn lunatic! And don’t give me that line about smelling my desire; I know it’s bullshit."
"I didn’t need to smell you. I could tell by the dreamy look in your eyes and the way your tongue licked the inside of my mouth.”
“I said, I know why you’re afraid to fight with me.”
"And why is that?” If he flexed again, I’d have to implement emergency measures. Maybe I could kick some sand at him or something. Hard to look hot brushing sand out of your eyes.
"You want me.”
Oh boy.
"You can’t resist my subtle charm, so you’re afraid you’re going to make a spectacle out of yourself.”
"You know what? Don’t talk to me.”
“I think you’re confused as to the nature of our relationship. You and I, we don’t get along. You’re a psychopathic control freak. You order me around and I want to kill you. I’m a pigheaded insubordinate ass. I drive you mad and you want to strangle me.”
“Saiman picked up a coffee mug, stared at it, and hurled it against the wall. It shattered into a dozen pieces. We looked at him.
“Your date appears to be hysterical,” Rene told me.
“You think I should slap some man into him?"
Saiman stared at me, speechless. I had to give it to Rene—she didn't laugh. But she really wanted to.”
“ I'll be busy for the next eight weeks, so let's set this for November 15th.
MENU
I want lamb or venison steak. Baked potatoes with honey butter. Corn on the cob. Rolls. And apple pie, like the one you made before. I really liked it. I want it with ice cream.
You owe me one naked dinner, but I'm not a complete beast, so you can wear a bra and panties if you so wish. The blue ones with the bow will do.
Curran,
Beast Lord of Atlanta”
“You said sloppy! Look, I didn't even use my sword; I hit him with my head, like a moron.”
“Curran looked at me. “What the hell was I supposed to do, catch the werebison as he was falling?”
“Just reflecting on the fact that when the Universe punches you in the teeth, it never just lets you fall down. It kicks you in the ribs a couple of times and dumps mud on your head.”
“You sure you don’t want me to stay? I’ll make you coffee and ask you about your day.”
“I flexed my wrist, popped a silver needle into my palm, and offered it to him.
'What's this?'
'A needle.'
'What should I do with it?'
He'd walked right into it. Too easy. 'Please use it to pop your head. It's obscuring my view of the room.'
- Kate & Saiman”
“I dreamed that Curran and I killed a dinosaur and then had sex in the dirt.”
“I lied. I need your help."
"Who are we killing?"
"Do you have a pen?”
“You need a name.”
I covered the receiver for a moment. “We need a team name.”
“Hunters,” Raphael said.
“Valiant Knights of the Fur,” Dali said.
“Justice Group,” Jim said. “Since Justice League is taken.”
“Fools.” Doolittle shook his head.
“Fools,” I said into the receiver.”
“His Majesty needs a can-I girl anyway. And I’m not it.”
“A can-I girl?” Andrea frowned.
I leaned back. “ ‘ Can I fetch you your food, Your Majesty? Can I tell you how strong and mighty you are, Your Majesty? Can I pick out your fleas, Your Majesty? Can I kiss your ass, Your Majesty? Can I...”
It dawned on me that Raphael was sitting very still. Frozen, like a statue, his gaze fixed on the point above my head.
“He’s standing behind me, isn’t he?”
Andrea nodded slowly.
“Technically it should be ‘may I,’” Curran said, his voice deeper than I remembered. “Since you’re asking permission.”
“Why the rifle? Everybody knows you can’t shoot.”
Who were these everybodies and would they like to stand in front of me, preferably within ten feet, so I could discuss this issue in greater detail.”
“Congratulations, love. You traded up. Does he treat you well?'
'He's a teddy bear,' I said.
Teddy bear looked like he was suffering from murder withdrawal.
(Rene and Kate on Jim!)”
“Give me an opportunity to fail," Saiman said. "I promise my corpse won't interrupt your 'I told you so' speech.”
“I’ve had a lot of practice. The Pack contains thirty-two species in seven tribes, each with their own hang-up. Jackals and coyotes pick fights with wolves, because they have an inferiority complex and think they’ve got something to prove.
Wolves believe themselves to be superior, marry the wrong people, and then refuse to divorce them because they cling to their ‘mating for life’ idiocy.
Hyenas listen to nobody, screw everything, and break out in berserk rages at some perceived slight against one of their own.
Cats randomly refuse to follow orders to prove they can.
That’s my life. I’ve been at this for fifteen years now.
You’re easy by comparison.”
“He groaned and I saw his face. "Curran!" I would've preferred a homicidal lunatic. Oh, wait...”
“I've never seen such a collection of idiots in my whole life.' Doolittle shook his head. 'If you participate in this lunacy, y'all will get yourselves killed. Then don't come crying to me.'
Now that would be a neat trick.”
“I do shodo magic,” Dali said. “I curse through calligraphy. I have to write the curse out on a piece of paper and I can’t move while I do it. One smudge, and I might kill the lot of us.”
Oh good.
“But don’t worry.” Dali waved her arms. “It’s so precise, it usually doesn’t work at all.”
Better and better.”
“You can usually tell that a man is good if he has a dog who loves him.”
“The moon was full, shining enough light down for Scarlet to make out the hundreds of gravestones lined up in the wet grass and the dozens of standing tombs that rose up in various places throughout the yard.
Giant trees swayed in the winter wind, throwing shadows across the grounds and making it look like the darkness was alive.
Graveyards were much more frightening at night than they were during the day.
An owl hooted.
A wolf howled.
A bat flapped across the night sky before her, wings silhouetted by the giant moon.
Are you kidding me?
It was like the graveyard knew Scarlet had entered and wanted to make it the creepiest experience ever.”
“Maybe collecting bruises was the only way to learn how to fight.”
“Love is not black and white. It’s not even gray. Love is every shade of color in the spectrum, changing with every ray of light given and stolen.”
“Edmund had obviously never yet experienced the speed with which news traveled round the docklands. “Is there anyone who does not know him?” “All”
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