Widowish

There’s an expression I heard once that goes something like, if you act as if then you will create the reality. So if you acted as if you were successful, you’d become successful. If you acted as if you had a social life, you’d have a social life. If you acted as if you could survive the loss of your person, you would.

I felt like I was failing at widowhood. I missed my husband, but no one knew that when they looked at me. They just saw a mom with blonde highlights going to yoga, picking up her daughter from school, buying groceries at Trader Joe’s. And now I was at a party with a date when I should have been home, grieving, all alone. I didn’t look like a widow. I wasn’t acting like a widow. But I felt like a widow. I guess I was just widowish.

They say if you want to make God laugh, tell Her your plans. I may have never uttered my plans out loud, but She is laughing anyway.

If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.

decided to keep things easy and tried not to think about it too much.

Can you believe it? That this is my life?