The Third Gilmore Girl: A Memoir
Quotes from the Book
But life doesn’t often spell things out for you or give you what you want exactly when you want it, otherwise it wouldn’t be called life, it would be called vending machine.
What with your phone and the Xbox and the taxi TV and that music player you wear on your arm and the headphones that look like donuts on your ears, doesn’t it make life so much smaller? If absolutely everything important is only happening on such a small screen, isn’t that a shame? Especially when the world is so overwhelmingly large and surprising? Are you missing too much? You can’t imagine it now, but you’ll look like me one day, even though you’ll feel just the same as you do now. You’ll catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and think how quickly it’s all gone, and I wonder if all the time you used watching those families whose lives are filmed for the television, and making those cartoons of yourselves with panting dog tongues, and chasing after that terrible Pokémon fellow…well, will it feel like time well spent?
Because who wants to Fast Forward anyway? You might miss some of the good parts.
As my friend Oliver Platt used to say to me about hopes and dreams I'd share with him: 'It's coming, just not on your time frame.
I guess what I’m saying is, let’s keep lifting each other up. It’s not lost on me that two of the biggest opportunities I’ve had to break into the next level were given to me by successful women in positions of power. If I’m ever in that position and you ask me, “Who?” I’ll do my best to say, “You” too. But in order to get there, you may have to break down the walls of whatever it is that’s holding you back first. Ignore the doubt—it’s not your friend—and just keep going, keep going, keep going.
But life doesn’t often spell things out for you or give you what you want exactly when you want it, otherwise it wouldn’t be called life, it would be called vending machine. It’s hard to say exactly when it will happen, and it’s true that whatever you’re after may not drop down the moment you spend all your quarters, but someday soon a train is coming. In fact, it may already be on the way. You just don’t know it yet.
I still find that, in general, having a plan is, well, a good plan. But when my carefully laid plan laughed at me, rather than clutch at it too tightly I just made a new one, even if it was one that didn’t immediately make sense. In blindly trying a different path, I accidentally found one that worked better. So don’t let your plan have the last laugh, but laugh last when your plan laughs, and when your plan has the last laugh, laugh back, laughing!
Because here's the thing: I was fine on my own, and so are you. But it can be hard when you feel ready for Happy Couplehood and you seem to have missed the train.
Even so, there's a checked-out, drugged sort of look we get when on our phones that's different from the look we get when reading a book, or even just staring into space. I get that look too, and when I catch my own reflection, it gives me a chill. It's like Gollum's face just before he drops his Precious in the water.
It’s good to be bored in the car, I always tell him. Spend some time with just yourself and your thoughts and nothing to do. How else will you learn who you are?
There’s more comedy in failure than in success, and it’s a much more universal language.
So don't let your plans have the last laugh, but laugh last when your plan laughs, and when your plan has the last laugh, laugh back laughing!
Sometimes the idea of doing something is the most fun part, and after you go through with it, you feel deflated because you realize you’re back to looking for the next thrill.
In blindly trying a different path, I accidentally found one that worked better.
Because here’s the thing: I was fine on my own, and so are you.
In my experience, there’s no secret to accomplishing almost any goal worth pursuing.
Stars may or may not be just like us, but generally I’ve learned it’s a mistake to think anyone else has the answer to pretty much anything. When I hear Kim Kardashian lost her baby weight on Atkins, I’ll eat steak for three days straight until I remember that, oh yeah, I’ve tried this before and it didn’t make me feel that great. You have to find what works for you, not what works for someone else.
For a very long time I worked and worked and worked, and then I looked up one day and all my friends were married with children. These married-with-children people were still my friends, but they'd become part of a community I wasn't in, a club I didn't belong to. Socially, their lives had completely changed, and they were busy. Their attention had turned to carpools and birthday parties and school tuition, and I was playing catch-up:"Wait, so we don't have game night anymore? You guys, who's free for dinner Saturday? Oh, absolutely no one?
You know how before a party you clean up your house so that everyone thinks you live that way all the time? That’s meeting someone at an awards show.
I know how lucky I am to have had such wonderful first and second acts in my career. I'm still not sure what my third act will turn out to be (Sexy Baking Competition Hostess? Flamboyant Peruvian Bingo Caller?), but if you happen to run into Betty White, tell her thank you. I'd like to be her one day.
It was just a coat, I know, but I held onto it for so long. I’m not even sure why I kept it. It was with me every day. It kept me warm and dry, and billowed behind me as I rode my bike across the lot in the wee hours of the night. I can’t help feeling a little sad it’s gone. [But], the coat has served its purpose. The sun is blazing, and I don’t need it to keep me warm anymore. Rather than mourn the loss of my jacket, I will be thankful for the time we had together. I thank it for all it did for me, and then I let it go.
Eventually I learned that, in the beginning at least, it was better for me to be finished than to try to be perfect. I had to get out of my own way. It wasn't that the voice in my head-the one telling me my pages weren't good enough- went away, exactly. I just didn't let it stop me. An important tool against self-doubt is just to ignore it. Forge ahead anyway. Just keep going, keep going, keep going.
If absolutely everything important is only happening on such as small screen, isn't that just a shame?
Because here’s the thing: I was fine on my own, and so are you. But it can be hard when you feel ready for Happy Couplehood and you seem to have missed the train. As my friend Oliver Platt used to say to me about hopes and dreams I’d share with him: “It’s coming, just not on your time frame.
Every bit of advice below was actually given to me by a fancy person, or someone who knows a fancy person and the methods they use to stay fancy.
To me, Lorelai was equal parts Gal About Town and The Mom, plus a magical mix of smarts and humor that made her totally unique.
Eventually I learned that, in the beginning at least, it was better for me to be finished than to try to be perfect. I had to get out of my own way.
life doesn’t often spell things out for you or give you what you want exactly when you want it, otherwise it wouldn’t be called life, it would be called vending machine. It’s hard to say exactly when it will happen, and it’s true that whatever you’re after may not drop down the moment you spend all your quarters, but someday soon a train is coming. In fact, it may already be on the way. You just don’t know it yet.
So between critiques, the camera flew around on its arm like some sort of drunk helicopter, getting reaction shots from each contestant, and then from the judges. They asked us to hold our reactions as best we could until they got to us. Ever smile for a photograph for someone who doesn't know how to work their camera? Twenty times longer than that. My mouth started to tremble from trying to hold a smile. During one of these awkward frozen moments, one of the contestants grinned at me and mouthed the words "I love you," and I tried as best I could to communicate my thanks while also maintaining my frozen face.
The Chosen Butts became an instant club of sorts. We tried our best to be professional and not act overly excited, but it was clear we were bonded because of our excellent butts I mean acting ability.
An important tool against self-doubt is just to ignore it. Forge ahead anyway. Just keep going, keep going, keep going.
It’s an accomplishment to do something well, but maybe even a bigger one to do something well when you’d really rather not be doing it at all.
Also, while there’s nothing wrong with doing things to make you feel better, I just wish the choices were limited to simpler things many of us have access to, like drinking more water or jogging or finding a more flattering shade of lipstick.
I was just thinking about how Christmas is right around the corner, but no matter how you choose to celebrate the holidays, books in general make great gifts!
Did you know?
- The book's title plays on Lauren Graham's reputation for delivering the famously rapid-fire dialogue of her Gilmore Girls character, Lorelai.
- It was published in November 2016, timed to the release of the Netflix revival Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life.
- Graham includes diary excerpts she kept while filming the Gilmore Girls revival.
- Before this memoir, Graham had already published a novel, Someday, Someday, Maybe (2013).
- The book devotes significant attention to her years on the NBC family drama Parenthood, not only Gilmore Girls.
- It became a New York Times bestseller.
About Lauren Graham
About the book
"Talking as Fast as I Can: From Gilmore Girls to Gilmore Girls (and Everything in Between)" is a 2016 memoir-in-essays by actress and writer Lauren Graham. Across a series of personal, conversational chapters, Graham looks back on her childhood, her years as a struggling young actress, and the breakthrough roles that defined her career, returning again and again to the show she is best known for, Gilmore Girls, in which she played Lorelai Gilmore.
Threaded through the book are reflections on perseverance, ambition, and finding identity within and beyond Hollywood, alongside Graham's wry observations on dieting, dating, and growing older as a woman in the entertainment industry. She also writes about her work on the NBC drama Parenthood and her parallel life as a novelist, having published the novel Someday, Someday, Maybe. A centerpiece of the book is its behind-the-scenes account of returning to the role of Lorelai for the 2016 revival Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, including diary entries kept during filming.
The book was widely received as a warm, funny, and quick read, especially embraced by fans of Gilmore Girls for its candid set stories and Graham's self-deprecating humor. It became a New York Times bestseller and is frequently recommended as a light, optimistic celebrity memoir that balances heartfelt reflection with comic anecdote.
Book details
- First published
- 2016
- Length
- 224 pages
- Reading time
- 4 hours
- Author
- Lauren Graham
- Genre
- Nonfiction
- Goodreads rating
- 3.94 (169k ratings)
Critical reception
- The memoir debuted as a New York Times bestseller.
- Reviewers commonly described it as funny, warm, and a quick read, particularly recommending it to fans of Gilmore Girls.
- Critics noted its appeal lay in Graham's conversational humor and candid behind-the-scenes stories rather than deep revelation.
Keep reading
The Third Gilmore Girl: A Memoir
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
The Ex Talk
Cackle
I Really Didn't Think This Through: Tales from My So-Called Adult Life
Rayne & Delilah's Midnite Matinee
A Very Punchable Face
When It Happens
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Future...
It's Okay to Laugh
The Love of My Afterlife
Along for the Ride
The Fortunes of Indigo Skye
Why Not Me?
Second Helpings
I Can't Make This Up: Life Lessons
I Miss You When I Blink: Essays
Open Book
I'll Have What She's Having
Lost and Found Sisters
Begin Again
Happy Hour
Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life
I Feel Bad about My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman
Suddenly Royal
Managing Expectations: A Memoir in Essays – A Poignant Collection of Personal Stories on Acting, Failure, and Motherhood's Joy
The Beginning of Everything
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
From What I Remember...
My Booky Wook
Scrappy Little Nobody
Puddin'
Going Vintage
Prep
My Not So Perfect Life
The Time of My Life
Dumplin'
Save Me the Plums: My Gourmet Memoir
Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies: And Other Rituals to Fix Your Life, from Someone Who's Been There
A Pho Love Story
The Love Haters
Moonwalk
A Work in Progress
Yes Please
Dash & Lily's Book of Dares
Meant to Be
The Magnolia Story
The Undomestic Goddess
Every Exquisite Thing
Something Borrowed
One of Us Is Next
Delicacy
Finding Audrey
See Me
Crossing to Safety
Binge
You're Never Weird on the Internet (Almost)
I'm Fine...And Other Lies
Attempting Normal

