Vertigo

It is thanks to my evening reading alone that I am still more or less sane.

How I wished during those sleepless hours that I belonged to a different nation, or better still, to none at all.

The more images I gathered from the past, I said, the more unlikely it seemed to me that the past had actually happened in this or that way, for nothing about it could be called normal: most of it was absurd, and if not absurd, then appalling.

There is something peculiarly dispriting about the emptiness that wells up when, in a strange city, one dials the same telephone numbers in vain.

Op een gegeven moment vielen me midden in een groen veld een paar kippen op die zich, hoewel de regen nog helemaal niet zo lang geleden was opgehouden, een naar mijn idee voor die kleine witte beestjes enorm stuk hadden verwijderd van de boerderij waar ze thuishoorden. Om een reden die ik nog steeds niet helemaal kan begrijpen heeft de aanblik van dat groepje kippen dat zich zo ver het vrije veld in had gewaagd, mij toen zeer geraakt. Ik weet hoe dan ook niet wat het aan bepaalde dingen of wezens is dat mij soms zo ontroert.

Once I am at leisure, said Salvatore, I take refuge in prose as one might in a boat. All day long I am surrounded by the clamour on the editorial floor, but in the evening I cross over to an island, and every time, the moment I read the first sentences, it is as if I were rowing far out on the water. It is thanks to my evening reading alone that I am still more or less sane.

Beyle's advice is not to purchase engravings of fine views and prospects seen on one's travels, since before very long they will displace our memories completly, ideed one might say they destroy them.

After resting in the cool, shadowy interior for a while, with feelings of both gratitude and distaste, he set off once more, and as he left, just as one might ruffle the hair of a son or younger brother, he ran his fingers over the marble locks of a dwarfish figure which, at the foot of one of the mighty columns, had been bearing the immense weight of a holy-water font for centuries.

Back at my hotel I lay down on my bed and folded my arms under my head. There could be no prospect of sleep. From the terrace came the noise of the music and the confused blathering of the revellers, most of whom, as I realised with some dismay, were compatriots of mine. I heard Swabians, Franconians and Bavarians saying the most unsavoury things, and, if I found their broad, uninhibited dialects repellent, it was a veritable torment to have to listen to the loud-mouthed opinions and witticisms of a group of young men who clearly came from my home town. How I wished during those sleepless hours that I belonged to a different nation, or, better still, to none at all.

Am Feierabend rette ich mich, sagte Salvatore, in die Prosa wie auf eine Insel. Den ganzen Tag über sitze ich inmitten der Lärmflut der Redaktion, am Abend aber setze ich über auf eine Insel, und wenn ich die ersten Sätze anfange zu lesen, so kommt es mir jedesmal vor, als rudere ich weit auf das Wasser hinaus.

How often, I thought to myself, had I lain thus in a hotel room, in Vienna or Frankfurt or Brussels, with my hand clasped under my head, listening not to the stillness, as in Venice, but to the roar of the traffic, with a mounting sense of panic. That, then, I thought on such occasions, is the new ocean. Ceaselessly, in great surges, the waves roll in over the length and breadth of our cities, rising higher and higher, breaking in a kind of frenzy when the roar reaches its peak and then discharging across the stones and the asphalt even as the next onrush is being released from where it was held by the traffic lights.

In this little booklet, which had belonged to a maternal great-uncle of ... mine, who spent some time working as an office clerk in northern Italy towards the end of the last century, everything seemed arranged in the best of all possible ways, quite as though the world was made up purely of letters and words and as if, through this act of transformation, even the greatest of horrors were safely banished, as if to each dark side there were a redeeming counterpart, to every evil its good, to every pain its pleasure, and to every lie a measure of truth.