Hate List

Just like there's always time for pain, there's always time for healing.

Because who you are is supposed to be the easiest question in the world answer, right?

Sometimes even stuff you expect to happen can still hurt

We all got to be winners sometimes. But what he didn’t understand was that we all had to be losers, too. Because you can’t have one without the other.

I'd spend about an hour, my room darkening around me, wondering what the hell happened to make me so unsure of who I even was. Because who you are is supposed to be the easiest question in the world to answer, right? Only for me it hadn't been easy for a very long time.

People do it all the time--assume that they "know" what's going on in someone else's head. That's impossible. And to think it's possible is a mistake. A really big mistake. A life-ruining one if you're not careful.

One's my favorite number. The word won being the past tense of win, and we can all say at the end of the day that we won once again, can't we? Some days making it to the end of the day is quite a victory.

Being pretty isn't everything but sometimes being ugly is.

All I could really think was how much I wanted to sleep. How much I wanted to be in a different world other than the one I was in.

You may not have pulled the trigger, but you helped cause the tragedy.

Time's never up", she whispered, not looking at me, but at my canvas. "Just like there's always time for pain, there's always time for healing. Of course there is.

At Garvin High we were dealt a hard dose of reality this year. People hate. That's our reality. People hate and are hated and carry grudges and want punishments ... I don't know if it's possible to take hate away from people. Not even people like us, who've seen firsthand what hate can do. We're all hurting. We're all going to be hurting for a long time. And we, probably more than anyone else out there, will be searching for a new reality every day. A better one ... But in order to change reality you have to be willing to listen and to learn. And to hear. To actually hear.

It was kind of weird because eventually they were all so busy hating each other, they forgot about hating me.

Some days making it to the end of the day is quite the victory. -- Bea

It seemed like way too much work, cleaning up my grief.

I like that hot air balloon.' I pointed to the ceiling where an antique looking wooden hot air balloon hung. 'Yeah, I like it too. Partly because it's cool looking, but also partly because of the irony. It weighs a ton. In this office, anything can fly. No matter what is weighing it down. Even wooden balloons. Cool, huh?

I saw everyone, a shifting sea of discomfort and sadness, each person carrying his own pain, each telling her own stories, no story more or less tragic or triumphant than any other.

It's okay for someone to let you win sometimes, you know,' he said, getting all serious. 'We don't always have to be the losers, Valerie. They may want to make us feel that way, but we're not. Sometimes we get to win, too.

I was both the monster and the sad girl. I couldn't separate the two.

I don’t know if it’s possible to take hate away from people. Not even people like us, who’ve seen firsthand what hate can do. We’re all hurting. We’re all going to be hurting for a long time. And we, probably more than anyone else out there, will be searching for a new reality every day. A better one.

We drove on in silence, Dad shaking his head in disgust every few minutes. I stared at him, wondering how it was we got to this place. How the same man who held his infant daughter and kissed her tiny face could one day be so determined to shut her out of his life, out of his heart. How, even when she reacyhed out to him in distress - Please, Dad, come get me, come save me - all he could do was accuse her. How that same daughter could look at him and feel nothing but contempt and blame and resentment, because that's all that radiated off of him for so many years and it had become contagious.

Getting on with her life is important. But right now it may be more important to put the feelings out there, deal with them, and find a way to be okay with all that's happened.

It was one of the constants of life. You are born, you die, you stand up when the bus doors open.

She's probably afraid you'll turn out like her and be married to someone you can't stand.

I sat back and looked at it. It was ugly, dark, uncontrolled. Like a monster's face. Or maybe what I saw there was my own face. I couldn't quite tell. Was the face the image of something evil or the image of myself? "Both," Bea muttered, as if I'd spoken my question out loud. "Of course, it's both. But it shouldn't be. Goodness, no.

Mr.Kline was standing his ground, his arms outstretched in front of a small group of kids. He was red faced an appeared sweaty or maybe just covered with tears. I ran to catch up with them.

Why are you so determined to make me out to be the bad guy all the time?” I stared at the side of his face, willing him to make eye contact. He didn’t. “I’ve been doing really good lately and you don’t even care.