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I’ve always liked flowers best. They’re pretty, but more resilient than people give them credit for.

Once upon a time I thought a relationship meant having shackles on my wrists, binding me to the needs of another person. I thought I’d have to sacrifice the things I’ve wanted most to be half of a whole. But now I know it just means I’ve got a safety net. Someone to lift me up and hold me steady. Someone to nag me about the spare key under my potted plant and someone to cut my grapes into tiny hearts. A partner. A friend.

I’ve never been anyone’s favorite,” he whispers. “Well,” I say, feeling defensive. “You’re mine.

I love you, Nova girl. I tried my very best not to, but you wiggled your way right in there with no respect for my opinion on the matter.

How to accept things without wondering what you’ve done to deserve them.

The weather is just starting to change, summer releasing its grip for a freefall into autumn. The mornings are cooler, the colors brighter.

But I’ve never had much luck with wanting things. The things I want almost always turn into the things I don’t get to have.

maybe this is how she is with me now. A version of herself that she doesn’t get to be anywhere else. The idea of it makes me want to fucking glow,

Sometimes I think I miss being known. I miss having a place I fit. People who remember that I like zucchini bread with extra chocolate chips. An overstuffed chair covered in horrendous green velvet, one of the arm rest wobbling every time I try to rest my chin in my hand.

I’m about to enter my farmer era. Cowboy Charlie, unlocked.

She looks like she could eat me alive. I fucking love it.

I wish my migraines felt like headaches. Instead, it’s a full body experience.

I guess I wish I could hang out with them and not feel like I’m the one that doesn’t belong. An aimless, drifting half to a nonexistent whole in a room full of perfectly matched pieces. I don’t want to be an imposition. I don’t want to be some…project or thing they feel like they need to fix.

Flirting has always been easy for me, but flirting with Nova is a goddamn delight. Her whole body comes alive under the attention, like a flower tilting toward the sun. I’m greedy for her reactions. For the way pink lights up her cheeks.

I always get the feeling Nova wants to crack open my head and take a look around. I’d probably let her and thank her for the pleasure.

For the first time in a long time

And at least you’ll be thinking of me.” “In your dreams,” she breathes. “With alarming frequency and incredible detail,” I answer back.

I've taught myself how to be content with scraps. I've portioned out the things that make me happy in manageable pieces so I can savour them for longer.... I've allowed myself doses of happiness while I cling to it with two hands, terrified if I indulge too much, if I give too much of myself, I'll be left standing without anything at all.

That's probably the kind of guy she usually goes for. I bet he's absolute shit at doing his taxes.

Asking for help doesn't make you less deserving of anything you've already achieved on your own.

I'm afraid if I get too greedy for something more, it'll all go up in a cloud of smoke. Best to take what I can get.

I take up too much space.... I'm loud and sometimes I don't know how to stop talking. I'm a lot and I know that. I can't figure out how to make myself fit, but I'm trying. I promise I'm trying.

I'd get anxious and then sad and then sad about being anxious.

I've always thought if I could just work a little harder, be a little smarter, [my dad] might notice.... But every time I jump, he cuts me at the knees.

Well then, maybe you should try to figure it out." "Your mac and cheese recipe?" "NO, Charlie. How to accept things without wondering what you've done to deserve them.

Wanting something doesn't make you selfish, Charlie." "What about taking it?...If I take the things that I want, doesn't that make me selfish?" I shake my head. We're not talking abou the farm anymore. "Not if it's willingly given," I whisper back.

Did you bribe the DJ?" "For what?" "The song." "What about the song?" "It switched to a slow song as soon as I came over here." I did bribe the DJ. Best twenty bucks I've ever spent.

I don’t want to be held to another person’s expectations and fall short.

CHARLIE: Did I tell you how beautiful you looked in that silver dress? I can’t remember. CHARLIE: Sometimes I think you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I bite my bottom lip and tap my thumbnail against the edge of my phone case. CHARLIE: Also, one hundo percent down for a night of hot, passionate sex. For the record. CHARLIE: With you. If that wasn’t clear. CHARLIE: Ready when you are, Nova girl.