There Are No Grown-ups: A Midlife Coming-of-Age Story

There are stages of becoming a grown-up. First, you definitely aren’t one. Then you pretend to be one. Then you’re sure that there are no grown -ups; that they’re mythological and don’t really exist. And then finally, maybe one day in your forties, you just are one.

Perhaps he was recalling the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, who wrote in the nineteenth century: “When we are ascending the hill of life, death is not visible: it lies down at the bottom of the other side. But once we have crossed the top of the hill, death comes in view—death, which, until then, was known to us only by hearsay.”)

The seminal journey of the forties is from “everyone hates me” to “they don’t really care.

Perfection isn't a requirement of friendship, but showing people who you are definitely is.

There are no grown-ups. Everyone is winging it; some just do it more confidently.

(Perhaps he was recalling the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, who wrote in the nineteenth century: “When we are ascending the hill of life, death is not visible: it lies down at the bottom of the other side. But once we have crossed the top of the hill, death comes in view—death, which, until then, was known to us only by hearsay.”)

Never mind having an existential crisis; it’s been years since we’ve even been to the movies.

Much of life consists of the dead time between events. Don’t fill these interstitial moments with pornography and cat videos.

You’re fluent in a language once you can explain to someone—in that language—how to tie his shoes”? (I can.)

We’re at—or approaching—our lifetime peak in earnings, but Botox now seems like a reasonable idea. We’re reaching the height of our careers, but we can now see how they will probably end.

Though I'm winging it, I've realized that everyone else is, too. Parenting starts out as a concrete project. You're full of ideas about how to shape your children. But you end up with this jellyfish of a family that you can't control exactly. All you can do is warm the waters and nudge it in the right direction.

Get over your fear of finishing. Being able to complete tasks doesn't just matter in kindergarten; it's a key skill for grown-ups.

(The ability to remember names peaks, on average, in your early twenties.)

Mommy, I'm not going to have your American childhood, " she says. "I don't want to wake up at seven a.m. and make bracelets. I just don't. Accept it.