Starship Grifters

...And I can't promise anything, you understand, but there's always a chance he'll want to torture your boss anyway. Just recreationally, I mean." "Wow, that would be terrific," I said.

This puzzling discrepancy prompted the development of the controversial cosmological theory known as the Strong Misanthropic Principle, which asserts that the universe exists in order to screw with us.

You'd think that Modern Science would have found a cure for the common hangover by now, but evidently Modern Science has been too busy doing things like figuring how to reconfigure DNA and creating artificial gravity. Modern Science doesn't get invited to a lot of parties.

I’d seen Rex pull this ruse before. The trick is to employ diplomatic-sounding generalities to cover his near-total ignorance. You’d think that any reasonably intelligent person would see right through it, but Rex’s uncanny confidence can be downright unnerving. To be honest, I’m not entirely certain he realizes it’s a ruse. He may just be deluded enough to think that he really does understand what’s going on, and somehow he manages to extend that delusion to include those in the immediate vicinity. As the originator of the delusion, he then becomes a sort of expert guide to those lost in its fog.

How many of these rescue missions have you conducted anyway?” “More than I can count,” sniffed the general. “I see,” said Rex. “How many fingers am I holding up?

What is that thing? It looks like a model of the human digestive tract made from broken beer bottles and sadness.

How could six men have died getting you this map?” I asked. “You just found out Wick was there yesterday.” “Printer malfunction,” said the general.

it is human nature to seek simple solutions to complex problems, and when a “solution” is found that is not immediately disastrous, it is often embraced with enthusiasm far outstripping its actual merit.

That’s the problem with engineers: when they can’t get something working, they always blame the previous group of engineers, and you never know which ones aren’t idiots until they get whatever it is working. “Well,

One thing I’ve learned, Sasha,” said Rex, “is that no matter how poorly thought out a plan is, there’s always a chance it will succeed unless I’m directly involved.” “You

You know what your problem is, Sasha?” Rex said. “You always want to have every little detail worked out in advance. You’ve got to leave some room for improvisation.” “My concern, sir, is that you’ve given such a wide berth to improvisation that you’ve left no room for planning.” “You

...but there's always he'll want to torture your boss anyway. Just recreationally, I mean." "Wow that would be terrific," I said