Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

I'm convinced that responsibility is some kind of psychological disease.

Now you may have gotten the impression that there are absolutely no uses for Librarians. I'm sorry if I implied that. Librarians are very useful. For instance, they are useful if you are fishing for sharks and need some bait. They're also useful for throwing out windows to test the effects of concrete impact on horn-rimmed glasses. If you have enough Librarians, you can build bridges out of them. (Just like witches.) And, unfortunately, they are also useful for organizing things.

Entropy shakes its angry fist at you for being clever enough to organize the world. (p 2)

You want to be a better person? Go listen to someone you disagree with. don't argue with them just listen. It's remarkable what interesting things people will say if you take the time to not be a jerk.

It's actually a rather romantic and dramatic story --- one I would eagerly tell you, except for the fact that I recently forgot it, based on it being far too long and having not enough decapitations.

I don't want to make people mad. I just... well, how can people get better if you don't tell them what you honestly think?

Somebody tell me that I should just go speak to the kings again." "uh," Sing said, "didn't I just do that?" "I need to her it again, Sing," Grandpa Smedry said. "I'm old and stubborn!

The most important truths can always withstand a little examination.

That's Australia. She's not dim-witted, she just has trouble remembering to be smart.

Behold!" I bellowed. "'Tis a foul beast of the nether-hells. Stand behind me and I shall slay it!" "Oh, Alcatraz," Bastille breathed. "Thou art awesomish and manlyish.

She fell because she was looking through the library’s nonfriction section.) We

(It should be noted that the Honorable Guild of Evil Warlords has worked very hard to counter the negative stereotype of its members. After several dozen bake sales and charity auctions, someone suggested that they remove the word evil from the title of their organization. The suggestion was eventually rejected on account of Gurstak the Ruthless having just ordered a full box of embossed business cards.) The

People are people. Wherever they come from or whatever they look like, they’re the same. As the philosopher Garnglegoot the Confused once said: “I’ll have a banana and crayon sandwich, please.” (Garnglegoot always did have trouble staying on topic.)

The people on the steps chose to scream like a bunch of people on some steps, but they did get out of the way. Grandpa

a chin that could destroy small countries if it fell into the wrong hands.

Unfortunately, I know that some of you Hushlanders have trouble counting to three. (The Librarian- controlled schools don't want you to be able to manage complex mathematics.) So I've prepared this helpful guide. Definition of "book one": The best place to start a series. You can identify "book one" by the fact that it has a little "1" on the spine. Smedrys do a happy dance when you read book one first. Entropy shakes its angry fist at you for being clever enough to organize the world. Definition of "book two": The book you read after book one. If you start with book two, I will make fun of you. (Okay, so I'll make fun of you either way. But honestly, do you want to give me more ammunition?) Definition of "book three": The worst place, currently, to start a series. If you start here, I will throw things at you. Definition of "book four": And . . . how'd you manage to start with that one? I haven't even written it yet. (You sneaky time travelers.)

Everybody evaluates. We critics are just trained to talk about it.

In Nalhalla, everything has castle towers. Even the outhouses. (You know, in case someone tries to seize the throne.)