Quotes from The Lost Colony

“No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“Everyone says that I have no sense of humor, then I construct a perfectly sound pun around a well-known psychological condition, and it is ignored.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“Relax, Mr. Diggums. Have another nettle beer, or some spring water." The commander took two bottles from the cooler and offered one to Mulch.
Mulch studied the label. "Derrier? No thanks. You know how they put the bubbles in this stuff?"
Vinyaya's mouth twitched with the ghost of a smile. "I thought it was naturally carbonated."
"Yeah, that's what I thought until I got a prison job at the Derrier plant. They employ every dwarf in the Deeps. They made us sign confidentiality contracts."
Vinyaya was hooked. "So go on, tell me. How do they get the bubbles in?"
Mulch tapped his nose. "Can't say. Breach of contract. All I can say is it involves a huge vat of water and several dwarfs using our ...eh" Mulch pointed to his rear end-"... natural talents."
Vinyaya gingerly replaced her bottle.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“A cloak of invisibility? This is a highly sensitive piece of field equipment. What does he think? Some warlock pulled it out of his armpit?”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“Holly frowned at her. "Glad to see you've forgiven yourself so quickly."
"Harboring feelings of guilt can have a negative affect on mental health."
"Child geniuses," growled Holly.
"Genii," said Minerva.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks?”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“There are always a few bored audience members at an opera, especially by the time act four comes along. Those particular eyes would be wandering around the hall, searching for something, anything, interesting to watch. Those eyes would land on the little demon downstage right, unless they were distracted.
Right on cue, a large stage lamp broke free of its clamp in the rigging and swung on its cable into the back canvas. [...]
On his way though the lobby minutes later, Artemis was highly amuse to overhear several audience members gushing over the unorthodox direction of the opera's final scene. The exploding lamp, muse one buff, was doubtless a metaphor for Norma's own falling star. But no, argued a second. The lamp was obviously a modernistic interpretation of the burning stake that Norma was about to face.
Or perhaps, thought Artemis as he pushed through the crowd to find a light Sicilian mist falling on his forehead, the exploding lamp was simply an exploding lamp.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“Caballine likes me to be masterful. She calls me her stallion.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“Just what we need," moaned Holly. "Artemis Fowl with magical powers.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“Control puberty?" snorted the bodyguard."If you manage that, you'll be the first.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“I am older and have more control over my empathy,' said Qwan. 'That's why I didn't throw up.' And having said that, he threw up.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“Chief of security : They have a tank! How did they get a tank up here?”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“You know as well as I do that fortune never sends the best-case scenario our way
You have way too much bad karma.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“Make it fast, you shower of stinking rabbit droppings, I've got a fresh blade that I'm just itching to test!”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“It can play solitaire and minesweeper,” replied Artemis innocently.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“How did that go” [Butler] asked. “Your first lengthy conversation with a girl your own age.”
“Fabulous,” said Artemis, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “We’re planning a June wedding.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“When Holly Short had opened the door of her makeshift basement cell, she had found her helmet bouncing on the spot in front of her with a 3-D image of Foaly’s face projected onto it. “That is really creepy,”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“Great, thought Holly. No matter what dimension you’re in, there’s a bigheaded male trying to take over the world.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“You know how they put the bubbles in this stuff?” Vinyáya’s mouth twitched with the ghost of a smile. “I thought it was naturally carbonated.” “Yeah, that’s what I thought until I got a prison job at the Derrier plant. They employ every dwarf in the Deeps. They made us sign confidentiality contracts.” Vinyáya was hooked. “So go on, tell me. How do they get the bubbles in?” Mulch tapped his nose. “Can’t say. Breach of contract. All I can say is it involves a huge vat of water and several dwarfs using our . . . eh”—Mulch pointed to his rear end—“. . . natural talents.” Vinyáya gingerly replaced her bottle.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“Just what we need,” moaned Holly. “Artemis Fowl with magical powers.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“But calling up magic when there were arrows flying and chunks of the countryside disappearing was about as easy as going to the toilet on command with a dozen people watching. Who all hated you.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“That is a highly sensitive piece of field equipment. What does he think? Some warlock pulled it out of his armpit?”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

“The female guard smiled broadly then collapsed. On the ground she began singing a nursery rhyme about doggies and their bones.”
― Eoin Colfer, quote from The Lost Colony

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