“We've already established whoever is writing us is an asshole.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“I don't care whether I really exist or don't, whether I'm real or fictional. What I want right now is to be the person who decides my own fate.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“In other words, crew deaths are a feature, not a bug," Cassaway said, dryly.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“Who are you and what medications aren't you taking?" Finn said.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“Sooner or later the Narrative will come for each of us.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“But define 'completely ridiculous shit,'" Duvall said. "Does space travel count? Contact with alien races? Does quantum physics count? Because I don't understand that crap at all. As far as I'm concerned, quantum physics could have been written by a hack.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“I thought I saw him once, but it turned out to be a yeti”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“Jesus," Kerensky said, looking around. "You people. I have one of the most incredible experiences I'll ever have, talking with the one person who really gets me - who really understands me - and you're all down here thinking I'm performing some sort of time-travelling incestuous masturbation thing.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“You’ll notice that the Intrepid’s inertial dampeners don’t work as well in crisis situations, Dahl remembered Jenkins telling them. The ship could do hairpin turns and loop-de-loops any other time and you’d never notice. But whenever there’s a dramatic event, there goes your footing.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“For all we know, this”—he scrolled up on the phone screen to find a label—“this Wikipedia information database here is compiled by complete idiots.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“Is it a shark made of ice?" Hanoen asked. "Or a shark that lives in ice?”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“Is it good? It ain't Shakespeare, but then, Shakespeare wrote Titus Andronicus, so you tell me.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“My characters were...rebelling against something...My own bad writing. I wouldn't do for my characters what they needed for me to do - be courageous enough in my writing to make them interesting.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“Ensign Davis thought, Screw this, I want to live, and swerved to avoid the land worms. But then he tripped and one of the land worms ate his face and he died anyway.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“Other science fiction shows had science advisers and consultants," Hanson pointed out.
"It's science fiction, " Weinstein said. "The second part of that phrase matters too."
"But you're making it bad science fiction," Hester said. "And we have to live in it.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“Whether you're an extra or the hero, this story is about to end. When it's done, whatever you want to be will be up to you and only you. It will happen away from the eyes of any audience and from the hand of any writer. You will be your own man.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“Q’eeng had just attempted in the third dialect the traditional rightward schism greeting of “I offer you the bread of life,” but his phrasing and accent had transmuted the statement into “Let us violate cakes together.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“Filled with existential ennui about your place in the universe? Get over yourself. Yes, you're an inconsequential worm in the grand scope of history. But you're an inconsequential worm who makes shit up for a living, which means that you don't have to lift heavy boxes or ask people if they want fries with that. Grow up and get back to work.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“Well, that's science fiction television for you, though," Abnett said. "Someone's got to be the red shirt.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“I mean that you and I know that in this universe, God is a hack," he said. "He's a writer on an awful science fiction television show, and He can't plot His way out of a box. How do you have faith when you know that?”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“In one hand I have a restraining order, and in the other I have a Taser. Which would you like to meet first?”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“Okay, that's intensely interesting," Duvall said. "So you're a priest of the Forshan religion? Which schism?"
"The leftward schism, and no, not a priest."
"Couldn't handle the celibacy?"
"Leftward priests aren't required to be celibate," Dahl said, "but considering I was the only human at the seminary, I had celibacy thrust upon me, if you will."
"Some people wouldn't let that stop them," Duvall said.
"You haven't seen a Forshan seminary student up close," Dahl said. "Also, I don't swing xeno.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“If knew you were going to drug me, kidnap me, and take me back to the dark ages with out my pants, I never would have slept with you.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“When I was twelve, my appendix burst, and as they were wheeling my ass into the operating room, I asked the doctor, “How will this affect my piano playing?” and he said, “Don’t worry, you’ll still be able to play the piano,” and I said, “Wow! I wasn’t able to before!” And then they gassed me.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“Yes, death by away team. Very effective on this ship,” Jenkins said.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“Hide’ isn’t a word we like to use," Cassaway said. "‘Perform alternative tasks’ is the preferred term.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“I don't think food safety laws are going to protect you from a third carnitas burrito," Hanson said. "That's not about food safety. It's about pork fat overload.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“God is a hack,” he said. “He’s a writer on an awful science fiction television show, and He can’t plot His way out of a box. How do you have faith when you know that?”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“I don’t care whether I really exist or don’t, whether I’m real or fictional. What I want right now is to be the person who decides my own fate. That’s something I can work on. It’s what I’m working on now.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
“A fourth part of his brain was saying, This is the part where you run and scream a lot. He was listening to the fourth part.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Redshirts
John Scalzi
Born place: in The United States
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“Something was moving; there was a kind of breathing brightness in the air, the wind of God brushing by, invisible in sunlight.”
― Mary Stewart, quote from The Hollow Hills
“Talking to you is like -- like talking to an eel!"
"No, is it? I've never tried to talk to an eel. Isn't it as waste of time?"
"Not such a waste of time as talking to you!”
― Georgette Heyer, quote from Black Sheep
“The Author of Her Misfortune"
I’m not the man she claims. But
this much is true: the past is
distant, a receding coastline,
and we’re all in the same boat,
a scrim of rain over the sea-lanes.
Still, I wish she wouldn’t keep on
saying those things about me!
Over the long course
everything but hope lets you go, then
even that loosens its grip.
There isn’t enough of anything
as long as we live. But at intervals
a sweetness appears and, given a chance,
prevails. It’s true I’m happy now.
And it’d be nice if she
could hold her tongue. Stop
hating me for being happy.
Blaming me for her life. I’m afraid
I’m mixed up in her mind
with someone else. A young man
of no character, living on dreams,
who swore he’d love her forever.
One who gave her a ring, and a bracelet.
Who said, Come with me. You can trust me.
Things to that effect. I’m not that man.
She has me confused, as I said,
with someone else.”
― Raymond Carver, quote from All of Us: The Collected Poems
“When distance and convenience sets in; the small, the various and the personal wither away.”
― Jane Jacobs, quote from The Death and Life of Great American Cities
“It was not a big smile, not particularly bold or polite or ironic or glib, not asking for anything or offering anything, not stringy or careless, not, in short, like any smile I had ever experienced before. But such a smile! You could burn a hole in the world with that smile.”
― Meg Rosoff, quote from What I Was
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