Quotes from Trapped

Kevin Hearne ·  290 pages

Rating: (33.7K votes)


“When in doubt, blame the dark elves.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“Lie down and offer your throat. No, wait, that's how dogs submit. I know! Offer her you're wallet!" Oberon”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“The grin on his face wasn’t the affable, friendly sort; instead, it was the sociopathic rictus of the irretrievably, bug-fuckeringly insane”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“Atticus:"Damn it, Jim, I'm a Druid not a Physicist!”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“Druid log July 15: Dark elves are not only quick and efficient killers, but creative and pyrotechnically inclined ones.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped



“They never predict anything fun," Granuaile answered. "Just once I'd like to hear a prophet tell someone, 'Thou shalt win a bitchin' Camaro on a game show.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“Atticus "What's this religion going to be called?"
Oberon "Poochism"
A:"and the name of this holy writ I will be typing for you?"
O:"The dead flea scrolls: A Sirius Prophecy.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“its difficult to dislike a man who takes pleasure in giving away free beer.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“She didn't go all fangirl on anyone, but I suspect that's only because none of them bore the slightest resemblance to Nathan Fillion.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“Not everyone can be bribed with meat, Oberon."
"They Can't? Oh! you mean they're vegetarian."
"No, they eat meat. It just doesn't sway their decision making process."
"Well that... that's just wrong, Atticus!Are they Monsters? It's like they have no moral center!”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped



“In Battle, as in charity, it is better to give than to receive.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“Poison?" she (Granuaile)said,"I hope it isn't iocane powder.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“Granuaile:"So why don't cult leaders achieve godhood?"
Atticus:" Because they're megalomaniacs drenched in douche juice.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“Atticus "three kinds of cat shit, Oberon."
Oberon "and an arrogant family of squirrels.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“Atticus:"I found it difficult not to grin like a geek at a Trekkie convention.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped



“... we banked around until we found a rainbow in the dark. It was on this occasion that I discovered that Granuaile had never heard of Ronnie James Dio. My shock at this news was such that I almost completely missed the fact that we were traveling on Bifrost, the rainbow bridge to Asgard.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“Careful with that ego, you could knock somebody over." Atticus”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“Falling in love is like that: you always feel like a dumbass at some point, even if you know it‘s coming — it‘s unavoidable.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“I think every creature near enough to hear that just pooped" Oberon said, "And then it went into hiding. Hunting tip number one:Stay Silent.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“when you thumb your nose at the laws of physics like you've been doing, the universe tends to get you back through biology." Atticus”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped



“come humans, fulfill your evolutionary purpose adn build your hound a fire." Oberon”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“They need to get a good PR guy.” “What’s a PR guy?” “They’re kind of like the old Greek sophists who played with words until you believed up was down. PR guys get paid to make people believe that a pile of shit is an investment in soil fertility. Professional liars.” “Ah!” Manannan’s expression lit with comprehension. “They are politicians?” “No, they’re smarter and less pretty. They advise politicians.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“Grody is in the eye of the beholder.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“Oberon:"She's a very clever girl, the kind you dont' take home to Ogma.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“But there was no going back to that idyllic time when only one god wanted to kill me.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped



“never thought I'd see a jaguar brought to its knees by rhino shit." Oberon”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“The color palette is confined to that of a Gustave Dore' engraving, greys and blacks, and subtle shadings of these rendered in harrowing crosshatches and highlighted with sudden glaring areas of nothingness, like splotches of vitiligo sent to haunt the dead with memories of what real light did to the eyes.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“Atticus, I think we're being stalked by the ghost of Alfred Hitchcock. First it was a Vulture adn now two giant ravens are coming our way." Oberon”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


“there’s no damsel with a tragic history in there? With a name like the Three Craftsmen, they each should build something awesome for a beautiful princess to try to win her favor and then two of them would die.> You must be thinking of stories from other cultures. Irish women tend to kick ass and do whatever they want. For exhibits A, B, and C, I give you the Morrigan, Brighid, and Flidais.”
― Kevin Hearne, quote from Trapped


About the author

Kevin Hearne
Born place: The United States
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