Quotes from Jingo

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“The intelligence of that creature known as a crowd is the square root of the number of people in it.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country," he read. "This means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Oh, my dear Vimes, history changes all the time. It is constantly being re-examined and re-evaluated, otherwise how would we be able to keep historians occupied? We can't possibly allow people with their sort of minds to walk around with time on their hands.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“It was much better to imagine men in some smokey room somewhere, made mad and cynical by privilege and power, plotting over brandy. You had to cling to this sort of image, because if you didn't then you might have to face the fact that bad things happened because ordinary people, the kind who brushed the dog and told the children bed time stories, were capable of then going out and doing horrible things to other ordinary people. It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was Us, then what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?"
"Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“It is a long-cherished tradition among a certain type of military thinker that huge casualties are the main thing. If they are on the other side then this is a valuable bonus.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“After all, when you seek advice from someone it's certainly not because you want them to give it. You just want them to be there while you talk to yourself.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Any sensible ruler would have killed off Leonard, and Lord Vetinari was extremely sensible and often wondered why he had not done so. He'd decided that it was because, imprisoned in the priceless, inquiring amber of Leonard's massive mind, underneath that bright investigative genius was a kind of willful innocence that might in lesser men be called stupidity. It was the seat and soul of that force which, down the millennia, had caused mankind to stick its fingers in the electric light socket of the Universe and play with the switch to see what happened - and then be very surprised when it did.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Look, sir, I know Angua. She's not the useless type. She doesn't stand there and scream helplessly. She makes other people do that.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Fortune favours the brave, sir," said Carrot cheerfully.

"Good. Good. Pleased to hear it, captain. What is her position vis a vis heavily armed, well prepared and excessively manned armies?"

"Oh, no–one's ever heard of Fortune favouring them, sir."

"According to General Tacticus, it's because they favour themselves," said Vimes. He opened the battered book. Bits of paper and string indicated his many bookmarks. "In fact, men, the general has this to say about ensuring against defeat when outnumbered, out–weaponed and outpositioned. It is..." he turned the page, "'Don't Have a Battle.'"

"Sounds like a clever man," said Jenkins. He pointed to the yellow horizon.

"See all that stuff in the air?" he said. "What do you think that is?"

"Mist?" said Vimes.

"Hah, yes. Klatchian mist! It's a sandstorm! The sand blows about all the time. Vicious stuff. If you want to sharpen your sword, just hold it up in the air."

"Oh."

"And it's just as well because otherwise you'd see Mount Gebra. And below it is what they call the Fist of Gebra. It's a town but there's a bloody great fort, walls thirty feet thick. 's like a big city all by itself. 's got room inside for thousands of armed men, war elephants, battle camels, everything. And if you saw that, you'd want me to turn round right now. Whats your famous general got to say about it, eh?"

"I think I saw something..." said Vimes. He flicked to another page. "Ah, yes, he says, 'After the first battle of Sto Lat, I formulated a policy which has stood me in good stead in other battles. It is this: if the enemy has an impregnable stronghold, see he stays there.'"

"That's a lot of help," said Jenkins.

Vimes slipped the book into a pocket.

"So, Constable Visit, there's a god on our side, is there?"

"Certainly, sir."

"But probably also a god on their side as well?"

"Very likely, sir. There's a god on every side."

"Let's hope they balance out, then.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“We need to borrow your boat," said Vimes.

"Bugger off!"

"I'm choosing to believe that was a salty nautical expression meaning 'Why, certainly,'" said Vimes.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Are we entirely ready, sir?" said Lieutenant Hornett, with the special inflection that means "We are not entirely ready, sir."

"We had better be. Glory awaits, gentlemen. In the words of General Tacticus, 'let us take history by the scrotum.' Of course, he was not a very honourable fighter.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“It was because he wanted there to be conspirators. It was much better to imagine men in some smoky room somewhere, made mad and cynical by privilege and power, plotting over the brandy. You had to cling to this sort of image, because if you didn't then you might have to face the fact that bad things happened because ordinary people, the kind who brushed the dog and told their children bedtime stories, were capable of then going out and doing horrible things to other ordinary people. It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was Us, then what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Odd thing, ain't it... you meet people one at a time, they seem decent, they got brains that work, and then they get together and you hear the voice of the people. And it snarls.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Someone broke from the scrum and, punching and kicking, staggered towards the Klatchian goal.

"Isn't that man your butler?" said Ahmed.

"Yes."

"One of your soldiers said he bit a man's nose off."

Vimes shrugged. "He's got a very pointed look if I don't use the sugar tongs, I know that.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“They represented what people called the "international community." And like all uses of the word "community," you were never quite sure what or who it was.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Sergeant Colon had had a broad education. He’d been to the School of My Dad Always Said, the College of It Stands to Reason, and was now a postgraduate student at the University of What Some Bloke In the Pub Told Me.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Sometimes I dream that we could deal with the big crimes, that we could make a law for countries and not just for people,”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“The Librarian shyly held out a small, battered green book. Vimes had been expecting something bigger, but he took it anyway. It paid to look at any book the orangutan gave you. He matched you up to books. Vimes supposed it was a knack, in the same way that an undertaker was very good at judging heights.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“I shall fear not. According to the Testament of Mezerek, the fisherman Nonpo spent four days in the belly of a giant fish," said Constable Visit.

The thunder seemed particularly loud in the silence.

"Washpot, are we talking miracles here?" said Reg eventually. "Or just a very slow digestive process?”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Men marched away, Vimes. And men marched back. How glorious the battles would have been that they never had to fight!”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“My strength is as the strength of ten because my heart is pure," said Carrot.

"Really? Well, there's eleven of them.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“History was full of the bones of good men who'd followed bad orders in the hope that they could soften the blow. Oh, yes, there were worse things they could do, but most of them began right where they started following bad orders.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“I'm not a natural killer! See this? See what it says? I'm supposed to keep the peace, I am! If I kill people to do it, I'm reading the wrong manual!”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

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