Our Blue Orange

Illicit flight Alfa Bravo Charlie quickly reached a predetermined altitude and stopped dead. The passengers on board screamed the way people do on fairground rides. The shuttle hesitated momentarily and then shot forward accelerating rapidly to reach a blistering 145,222 miles per hour. They were in a Mach 22 situation. The cries from on-board could not be heard from the ground. Neither did anyone in the great metropolis of Llar witness the bright blue vapour trail the craft left behind in its wake. It was after all overcast and raining heavily.

With one hand disturbing a colony of parasitic life forms in his uncombed hair, he yawned loudly.      ‘Morning Steve,’ Thomas said scratching his grubby face. His breath drifted across the space between them making Steve’s nose twitch involuntarily.

‘I knew it, I knew it, I damn well knew it,’ he shouted. ‘The President was right you’re all infected with this wretched MeMe chromosome even at the dawn of your pathetic little planet’s evolution. You do realise of course there’s no hope for you. It’s all going to be a complete and utter waste of time. You and your little planet are all doomed.

Sir, I think you need to read this,’ he said, nervously handing over the mainframe’s dissertation of its own wellbeing.

So, you know that group up there in the Planetarium then?’ The pistol continued. ‘Hey they say it’s a small world.’      ‘Are they alright?’ asked Semilla darting forward.      ‘Yeah, they’re all fine, apart from the President he’s rather dead actually, oh and one of the lampposts I’m afraid he copped it too.’      Baz’s beacon flickered with emotion. ‘Which one?’ he asked.      ‘There was only one President as far as I know,’ said the pistol indifferently.

Semilla’s Phlegm-O-Matic promptly made an observation. ‘Wow Semilla look at that shuttle.’      ‘Keep your voice down Raymond we’re in danger,’ Semilla hissed.      ‘Raymond?’ Burt said incredulously.      ‘I had to give him a name, didn’t I?

The weapon gave a rusty croak. ‘I don’t normally do weather reports anymore,’ the gun informed him politely.      ‘Why is that?’      ‘Ever since the demise of the old metropolis, there has been no control of the weather systems. Anyone who would have appreciated a weather forecast perished an awful long time ago. Besides, every time I started to inform my potential victims of the current cloud formations, or wind velocity, or barometric pressure, or potential precipitation, they simply ran away.

He grabbed at Rupert’s earphones and gave his colleague a very serious look. ‘What do you know about share dealing?’ Rupert placed a finger on his chin and mulled over the question with a studious look. ‘Now you come to mention it,’ he said, ‘I know absolutely nothing.’ Norman grabbed his arm and began dragging his bewildered companion to the nearest lift. ‘Then we need to find out, and find out fast.

But sir…’      ‘Don’t worry I said I’ll do it,’ snapped the President.      ‘But sir there’s just one other thing.’      The President held the club in his hands like a seasoned baseball star. He glanced over at the Phlegm-O-Matic resting in the legionnaire’s rusted hand. ‘What?’      ‘That protocol doesn’t include you.’      The President’s shoulders sank and the air left his lungs in a rush. The legionnaire turned and aimed the gun at him.

‘That has to be Mr Davis,’ Semilla said with an air of complete confidence as she stared at the inferno rising above the roof tops.      ‘How can you be so certain?’ Burt questioned looking slightly pensive.      Semilla gave a shrug. ‘Let’s face it he’s been in the vicinity of one or two little disasters lately.

Steve shook his head in amazement. ‘If that GOD person hadn’t left that case, we wouldn’t have any of this.’      Thomas agreed. ‘Personally, I can’t praise him enough.’

‘The onboard computer just wants to say a few words before we leave.’      The speakers in the cabin crackled into life. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome you on-board the presidential shuttle for tonight’s illicit flight, Alfa Bravo Charlie. I would just like to say it’s a pleasure to meet you all and thank you so much for coming here tonight to steal me. To be honest I don’t get out much these days so this is something of a special occasion.’      ‘It will be for us too if we get caught,’ Semilla said sardonically.