“Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Ian put in. "Just fridge yourselves, as Jonah says."
"Dude," Dan said. "Do you mean chill?"
"Precisely. Just what I said.”
“Oh, terrific," Dan muttered. "Just what we need. Another code! Why can't people just say what they mean? Why can't they say THE MAP IS IN THE DESK?”
“Amy felt her phone vibrate. She held it up. It was from Ian.
DON'T ASK THE PRICE OF ANYTHING. DON'T SMILE. DON'T SAY "DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING CHEAPER?" DON'T
Amy shoved the phone back in her pocket. "Just pretend to be Ian," she told Dan.”
“There's a fine line between criminality and genius."
-Dan Cahill”
“Dan was doing his best Ian Kabra impersonation, looking around the store as though inspecting it for cockroaches. Amy tried to turn her snort of laughter into a cough.
"Espresso?" The saleswoman materialized seemingly out of nowhere. Amy realized that the full-length mirror on the wall was actually a door.
If she were Amy Cahill, she would blush and shake her head no, just because she didn't want to cause any bother. She imagined what Natalie Kabra would do.
"Tea. Darjeeling," she said in a curt tone.
"Oh, not Darjeeling, sis," Dan said. "That's just so middle class."
"Lapsang souchong?" the saleswoman asked.
"I just adored his last collection," Dan said.
The woman's tight smile dimmed. "That's a tea.”
“There's something wrong with the brakes." He didn't recognize his shaky, weak voice. He pumped them again. Nothing.
"There's something wrong with the BRAKES?"
"I don't think we have any."
"We don't have any BRAKES?"
"Bro, it doesn't help to repeat everything I say!" Jonah yelled.”
“I remember," she said. "Lawrence Malley. He was an expert in security systems."
"Aka Lightfinger Larry." Dan grinned. "He was also wanted in five states."
"Great," Amy groaned. "I sent you to a tutorial with a crook."
"It got us in here, didn't it?"
"I guess I'm grateful to him, then," Amy said doubtfully.
"Don't be," Dan said. "The first lock I opened was on your diary. Don't worry, I read two pages and fell asleep.”
“You're in trouble. Do you expect me to just walk away?"
"I wouldn't hold it against you if you did."
"In know you wouldn't. That's only one of the reasons I'm crazy about you. I've got a million more."
"Just a million?"
"Okay, a million plus one—your cat."
She giggled. "You're bonding with Saladin?"
"Somebody has to protect that cat from your cousin Ian. And I feed him. The cat. Not Ian. He's on his own. Anyway, if that doesn't get me Perfect Boyfriend status, I don't know what will."
"Emptying the litter box?"
"Hey. I have my limits."
Amy laughed. She had the phone pressed to her ear so tightly it burned. She closed her eyes, picturing his face...
Ian's crisp voice broke in. "All right, lovebirds, let's move on. No offense, but I believe Amy and Dan might need a short course in style and class."
"Is this the nonoffensive part?" Dan asked. "I can't wait until you really insult us."
"Let's deal with reality, shall we? You don't just walk into an auction house in your jeans and backpacks. You have to blend in. And that's going to be hard." Ian sniffed. "Considering that you're Americans."
"What are you talking about, dude?" Dan asked. "This is my best SpongeBob T-shirt.”
“It hurts," Nellie said.
"I know," Reagan said. "No pain, no gain."
"Do you think they made that expression up for bullet wounds?”
“You're a model? Never would have guessed," Jonah said in a lazy, teasing voice that caused Hamilton's head to swivel. He'd never seen Jonah flirt before.
The girl tilted her head. The glossy hair spilled down one bare shoulder. "Un moment...you look familiar."
Jonah grinned. "Yeah?"
"'Ave we met? Are you an 'airdresser?"
"A hairdresser?" Jonah choked out.
"Guys, we'd better get going," Hamilton said.
"The name is Jonah," Jonah said, pronuncing his name carefully. He waited for a sign of recognition.
"Nicole."
"Jonah Wizard."
Nicole squinted at him. "You are a wee-zhard? Like the Harry Potter, non?"
"I'm Hamilton," Hamilton said, even though nobody asked.”
“Amy bit her lip. "I was so scared, Dan. I couldn't think. She shook her head. "I feel so ashamed of myself. If it wasn't for you, we would have been toast."
"Whoa," Dan said. "If you're throwing a pity party for yourself, don't invite me." He poked her. "You were the one who got Jonah to find us. Awesome lung power. I thought you only used that volume to get me out of the bathroom.”
“When was the last time we slept?"
"Day before yesterday?" Amy asked with a frown. "I know what you mean. This is some jet lag. Let's get a coffee while we make a plan."
"Oh, yeah. Jet lag. That must be it," Dan agreed as he trailed after her to the espresso bar. "Not the fact that we pulled off a museum heist, went without sleep and food, and oh, yeah—did I mention this—almost got killed? Jet lag. That's why we're tired."
"Well, if you want to get technical.”
“We just stole a painting and smuggled ourselves off a train," Amy said, trying to sound confident. "And we can't shop?”
“I'm so hungry," Amy said sleepily.
"Hey, you stole my line," Dan said.”
“Hamilton awkwardly folded himself into the passenger seat. "Couldn't you get something bigger?" he asked as he banged his knee against the dashboard.
"We're supposed to be a diversion," Jonah said. "Got to make an entrance. Can't do that in a minivan, Giganto Boy. Can't do much in a minivan except look about as uncool as it gets."
"Hey! My dad drives a minivan."
"Snap.”
“Amy sighed. Just when she started to almost like Ian again—after all, he'd flown across the ocean and had been working around the clock to help—his snob quotient went through the roof.”
“McIntyre hesitated, and for a moment the tall, gray-haired man looked almost boyish. "After all this time...don't you think you could call me William?"
Amy and Dan exchanged glances. As fond as they were of him, they couldn't imagine calling their lawyer by his first name.
He saw the hesitation on their faces. "Will?"
Amy cleared her throat. Dan fiddled with the new GPS.
"How about 'Mac'?"
"Mac," Dan said, trying out the name.
Mr. McIntyre looked wistful. "I always wanted to be a Mac.”
“They'd been played. By a tuba!”
“Listen!"
"Ludwig was mad, bro
But he was also bad, bro,
Was his own 'Iliad,' bro..."
"Jonah!" Amy breathed.”
“Ticket and passport. We're crossing the border."
"Oh. Sorry." Dan handed the conductor his ticket.
"Grazie."
"De nada," Dan said.
"That's Spanish," Amy whispered.
"No, it's whatever," Dan said. "I'm too tired to think.”
“That's it. Gently now," Reagan said to Nellie. "We'll move onto the hard stuff tomorrow."
"This...isn't...the hard stuff?" Nellie spit out through gritted teeth.
Reagan grinned. "You really hate me right now, don't you?"
"Immeasurably."
"Good. Give me ten.”
“The road climbed into the mountains, Jonah taking the hairpin curves as fast as he dared.
"You look so macho clutching the door handle that way," he said to Hamilton.
"Just...be...careful," Hamilton said through clenched teeth.”
“The sunset was spectacular, and they were safe in the minibus with the students from Estonia who were on their way to Salzburg for the Sound of Music tour. Jonah sat up front with girls and led a sing-along.
Who would have guessed that the hip-hop star knew all the words to "Climb Ev'ry Mountain"?”
“I’m so hungry,” Amy said sleepily. “Hey, you stole my line,” Dan said.”
“I remember,” she said. “Lawrence Malley. He was an expert in security systems.” “Aka Lightfinger Larry.” Dan grinned. “He was also wanted in five states.” “Great,” Amy groaned. “I sent you to a tutorial with a crook.” “It got us in here, didn’t it?” “I guess I’m grateful to him, then,” Amy said doubtfully. “Don’t be,” Dan said. “The first lock I opened was on your diary. Don’t worry, I read two pages and fell asleep.”
“You know, sometimes the right thing isn’t the thing you think is right. It’s the wrong thing you’re afraid to think of.”
“(“There is no try. Only do. Yoda said that, and he was awesome.”).”
“Was our father a Vesper?” Erasmus took a careful sip of coffee. He leaned back and blew out a sigh as he stared out at the square. Then he took off his sunglasses. His eyes looked tired. He leaned forward again, his big hands cradling the cup. With every move and gesture Amy felt her heart sink. She wanted to run as far and as fast as she could to escape what was coming next. “Yes,” Erasmus said.”
“There’s a fine line between criminality and genius,”
“Don't be afraid of what's on the inside. I can make a masterpiece with the insides.”
“Love is a delusion that binds mortals to their fates.”
“War is peace.
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.”
“Forgive, as you hope to be forgiven.”
“The truth has always been far too dangerous for the public to know. The truth didn't usually set people free, it just got them crazier. Most people just couldn't handle the truth.”
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