Shoko's Smile: Stories

Those were the days when I believed my life would turn out special. I secretly sneered at cowards who compromised with reality. But this silly arrogance of mine is the reason why I am nothing now.

I wish you the blessing of oblivion, and that you will find the strength to exist moment by moment.

Time passes, people leave, we become alone again. If we don't accept that fact, memory erodes the present and exhausts the mind until it ages us and ails us.

had suffered pain beyond her imagination. Some people break up after a big fight, but there are also people who drift incrementally apart until they can’t face each other anymore. The latter stay longer in your memory.

Memory is a talent. You were born with it,” my grandma told me when I was young. “But it’s a painful one. So, try to make yourself a little less sensitive. Be extra cautious with happy memories, my dear. Happy memories seem like jewels when in fact they’re burning charcoal. You’ll hurt yourself if you hold on to them, so let go and dust off your hands. Child, they are no gift.

You had to be a go‑getter in your twenties more than any other time, where being a go‑getter meant building a safe career as quickly as possible or die trying.

I couldn’t stand her love, which did not reject even the ugliest of my faces. I couldn’t stand it because I had been afraid of being loved from the beginning.

People locked their hearts at some point in their lives, as if everyone had agreed to do so. Then they made acquaintances outside those locks, with people who would never hurt them or be hurt by them, formed savings groups among themselves, vacationed with other married couples, or went hiking together. Telling each other that they never wanted to go back to being twenty. Saying they were pretty clueless back then, weren’t they?

I was angry at everything in the world, including myself. When the anger subsided, my body and mind would crumble into ashes. I went through this process again and again. They say nineteen, twenty, twenty-one are beautiful years. All I remember about those years is wishing day after day to die.

I used to think they were grandfather clocks that had stopped ticking, that gathered dust and faded in colour each year. Like people who had neither a goal nor the will to change, whose lives had come to a grinding halt.

I am his religion, his whole world. Every time I remember that I want to die.

People say things like “Out of sight, out of mind” or “Love or even hate-love grows only when you meet often enough,” but they didn’t apply to Shoko. For her to call someone a friend, they had to be a safe distance away, out of sight and out of earshot, with absolutely zero chance of ever intruding on her life.

If you couldn't share someone's pain,, if you didn't have the guts to survive a difficult stretch with them, it was better to choose heartlessness over half-hearted affection.

Even if I had upset or offended him

We didn’t know how to be horrible to each other. But looking back, not even knowing how to be horrible to each other—that unawareness—was the most horrible part.We had been politely covering each other’s eyes. In the end, I took my hand off his eyes first, and we split up cleanly. That farewell proved there was no love left between us because the last moment of lovers was never supposed to be so clean. We had simply moved from one dot to another.

I don’t care how badly you treat me. There’s no way in the world I could hate you. I’m fine meeting like this, I just want to stay in the same space as you. When I think about how I won’t see you here in a week, I tear up even while I walk.

art in general, only revealed its true face to hardworking geniuses, not hardworking mediocrities.

We should distinguish love from affection.

I hope to be a writer who views people and the world from the side of those who are scorned and hated for the sole reason of being themselves. I hope that on that path

I was too harsh on myself during my teens and twenties. I would like to apologize to the old me for hating and unfairly treating myself just because I was who I was. I’d like to cook a delicious meal for that girl

Despite wanting to write and publish and live as a writer

A piece of her had died with the deaths of her parents and husband

How many times had this old woman lost her loved ones? She felt a certain respect for every elderly person she saw. Because to live a long life was to see your loved ones go before you and get left behind for a long time

I hope that the time you have ahead of you will be full of blessing. I wish you the blessing of oblivion

The reason you ignored my greetings and turned your back on me will have faded by then. When you think of me again then

It would be wrong of me to apologize in any way or press him for an explanation. People leave. That was what my grandma used to say. I just have to accept that fact as it is