Man Down

He’s the opposite of cute. He’s like a cross between an Orc and Ent. He has the big, brutish body of an Orc but he got some Ent genes, probably from his mother’s side. Basically a tree-trunk with good hair.” Peyton’s nose twitched. Lord of the Ring references were not her jam. “You’ve given this a lot of thought.

Grief is embarrassing for most people. They want to think it has a set timetable, that one day, it will go away and you’re ready to live again. Everyone has been telling me that sex is a great first step. That it will open up the floodgates of emotion. That it will heal me.” She waited, her heart in stasis, knowing what would come next. Dreading it. “I don’t want to be healed, at least not in a way that makes me forget about them. I know that’s unhealthy, but I can’t help how I feel. Holding on to the pain keeps me connected to them.

I won’t say I’ll be quick because that’s not a good look.” She giggled, and that sound released a coil of tension inside him. He turned and kissed her because to not do so would be a missed opportunity for joy. He found himself craving it all. Craving her. “What was that for?” she whispered when he let her up for air. “I’m glad you’re here.” She blinked in surprise. “Oh. I’m glad I’m here, too.

He paused and rubbed his beard. Good God, she’d play a gif of that over and over, if she could.

Why are we having this conversation? Do we need to establish we like each other enough so we can feel better about wanting to kiss each other? Are we so afraid of sheer animal lust that we have to pair it with, ugh, respect?” He laughed, enjoying himself immensely. It was supposed to be just a kiss. How had it turned into a thesis on likability and lust?

For the last three years, he’d held his body as taut as a bowstring. He couldn’t imagine ever feeling at ease again. That was one more reason why the notion of sex with someone new was so difficult. Letting go like that required a level of surrender he wasn’t sure he had in him to give. Trust in another person to see you at your most vulnerable and not take advantage.