How to Save a Life

They say all who wander are not lost. But some of us are. We’re really fucking lost, wandering until our feet bleed, and it feels like we’ll never find our way home again.

Let's do something really fucking crazy and trust each other.

His fingertips moved soft and warm across the lightning crack that marred my cheek. “The Grand Canyon was carved by a river. It sliced through the rock, revealing layer upon layer of beauty. Beauty that couldn’t be seen until the earth was cut open. One little sliver of water…” “Evan…” “One little sliver.” He traced the ragged seam down to my chin. “The majesty of the Canyon is that depth. All that beauty lay buried for years until the river cut it open. Then all was revealed.

I never told you How I longed to kiss away your every bruise until there was no evidence No ghosts of your own suffering To put your pieces back together Seal the cracks Vanish them like they never were And never, ever Leave a scar" "I never told you I would take your pain if I could I would drink it down And take my comfort In making you ache a little less For a little while Did I? I'll never know because I never told you that I loved you

I never told you I would take your pain if I could I would drink it down And take my comfort In making you ache a little less For a little while Did I? I’ll never know because I never told you that I loved you

The Grand Canyon was carved by a river. It sliced through the rock, revealing layer upon layer of beauty. Beauty that couldn’t be seen until the earth was cut open. One little sliver of water…” “Evan…” “One little sliver.” He traced the ragged seam down to my chin. “The majesty of the Canyon is that depth. All that beauty lay buried for years until the river cut it open. Then all was revealed.

Yeah, whatever,” I said finally, the two most unpoetic words in the English language.

You believed me. Or maybe you didn’t, but you accepted me. And that had never happened to me before.

I’ll always come back to you.

Moment by moment, inhale by exhale, every heartbeat of hers against mine erased our separation. The lust consuming me all night revealed for what it truly was: my need to be with Josephine for the rest of my life. Not only her body but everything that she was: her scribbled words, her lonely heart and her victorious happiness.

I love you. Ill love you forever and I’ll never stop.

The only truth I have is that it’s for us. Everything I do is for us.

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear. And the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown. —H.P. Lovecraft

Wait here.” I ran back up to my room to grab his blue-and-black plaid flannel shirt, still in my possession. Back on the porch, I handed it over. “My shirt. I forgot you had it.” “It’s ‘my’ shirt. You need to go home tonight and sleep in it. I made the mistake of washing it and now it doesn’t smell like you anymore.” He turned the shirt over and over in his hand, laughing and shaking his head. “And I want it back first thing in the morning. You read me?

I Never Told You You can fill a book with everything I never said Or the lines of a poem Or an Empty pool Or an empty bedroom, the candles all blown out I never told you how the reflection of myself in your eyes Was the only mirror I could bear to look at Or how I fought every day To transfuse the girl I saw there with the girl I am I tried to breathe in the words you made me: beautiful good brave I tried to be them for you even though they were weighted with impossibility I never told you how I always feared the rough edges of myself were too sharp for you and how I fought everyday to blunt them To bring down the walls To let you in without cutting you because I could never bear to hurt you like the others did Every day a fierce pride roared in me I was so lucky to know the truth I was the beneficiary of your radiance I basked in it and felt special And if not for the pain of your solitude I would have been content to be the only one I never told you How your touch made me feel like laughing and crying and singing all at once How your hand passing over my skin where atrocities Had not yet sloughed off, Skin cells remembering the worst touches Was like a tide washing over the ruddy sand And leaving it whole and smooth You made my skin forget Gave me new memories New sensations that didn't drag the shadows from the past In your arms I could start again, Start over. There is no greater gift in all the world Than you to the wreckage that is me... I never told you How I longed to kiss away your every bruise until there was no evidence No ghosts of your own suffering To put your pieces back together Seal the cracks Vanish them like they never were And never, ever Leave a scar I never told you I would take your pain if I could I would drink it down And take my comfort In making you ache a little less For a little while Did I? I'll never know because I never told you that I loved you I love you I love you It's too lat to say it now The time has passed for words How pathetic and small and weak On the phone Or on a piece of paper Starving Without the force of my own vitality My voice My breath My blood singing n my veins for you To give them power They are lost I love you It's too late but I love you And I'm sorry I never told you.

As he was marched away, Evan looked back over his shoulder at me. Through his grief-stricken expression, he smiled. So sad, so full of love, and so full of what might have been. Then he was gone

And I knew then, without any dream or hunch to tell me, that Jo was the first woman I’d ever sleep with, and also the last.

The great yawning nothing that surrounded her swallowed me whole. And inside there wasn't nothing. There was everything...

His fingers ran through my hair and caressed my cheek. “Let’s do something really fucking crazy and trust each other.

We exchanged looks, a commiseration; the girl with a scar and the boy with the freaky rep, and something shifted between us. An unspoken understanding that drew me closer to him without having moved an inch.

Do you ever…” I heard her swallow hard. “Do you think about us? What we had?” My chest ached at the longing in her voice. The fearful tentative reaching across the space between us. “Every minute,” I said. “I think about us every minute of my life. All I do is think about us.

I let go. The shields guarding my heart lowered. Evan wasn’t taking, he was giving. His kiss gave me those impossible things I’d desperately wanted all my life: tenderness, consideration, reverence. I took everything in his kiss, turned it around and gave it back to him. Willingly. Never once wondering what it would cost me later. No price to be paid, only this moment with this boy. The beauty of timing him and his sweet kiss. I let go.