Home Body

depression is silent you never hear it coming and suddenly it's the loudest voice in your head

if you tried and didn’t end up where you wanted to go that’s still progress

i miss the days my friends knew every mundane detail about my life and i knew every ordinary detail about theirs adulthood has starved me of that consistency that us the walks around the block the long conversations when we were too lost in the moment to care what time it was when we won and celebrated when we failed and celebrated harder when we were just kids now we have our very important jobs that fill up our very busy schedules we compare calendars just to plan coffee dates that one of us eventually cancels cause adulthood is being too exhausted to leave our apartment most days i miss knowing i once belonged to a group of people bigger than myself that belonging made life easier to live - friendship nostalgia

i have this productivity anxiety that everyone else is working harder than me and i’m going to be left behind cause i’m not working fast enough long enough and i’m wasting my time i don’t sit down to have breakfast i take it to go i call my mother when i’m free—otherwise it takes too long to have a conversation i put off everything that won’t bring me closer to my dreams as if the things i’m putting off are not the dream themselves isn’t the dream that i have a mother to call and a table to eat breakfast at instead i’m lost in the sick need to optimize every hour of my day so i’m improving in some way making money in some way advancing my career in some way because that’s what it takes to be successful right i excavate my life package it up sell it to the world [...] capitalism got inside my head and made me think my only value is how much i produce for people to consume capitalism got inside my head and made me think i am of worth as long as i am working i learned impatience from it i learned self-doubt from it learned to plant seeds in the ground and expect flowers the next day but magic doesn’t work like that magic doesn’t happen cause i’ve figured out how to pack more work in a day magic moves by the laws of nature and nature has its own clock magic happens when we play when we escape daydream and imagine that’s where everything with the power to fulfill us is waiting on its knees for us - productivity anxiety

i will never have this version of me again let me slow down and be with her - always evolving

i have never known anything more quietly loud than anxiety

i am trusting the uncertainty and believing i will end up somewhere right and good

make it a point to love yourself as fiercely as you do other people - commitment

my mind keeps running off to dark corners and coming back with reasons for why i am not enough

it’s easy to love the nice things about ourselves but true self-love is embracing the difficult parts that live in all of us - acceptance

you lose everything when you don't love yourself - and gain everything when you do

i want to leave this place knowing i did something with my body other than trying to make it look perfect

my mind my body and i all live in one place but it feels like we are three completely different people - disconnected

how can i be so cruel to myself when i’m doing the best i can - be gentle

i get so lost in where i want to go i forget that the place i’m in is already quite magical

you are lonely but you are not alone - there is a difference

i’m breathing aren’t i that’s gotta be a sign that the universe is on my side if i’ve made it this far i can make it all the way

you are a soul. a world. a portal. a spirit. you are never alone. you are organs and blood and flesh and muscle. a colony of miracles weaving into each other.

i’m not going to pretend to be less intelligent than i am so a man can feel more comfortable around me

if you’re waiting for them to make you feel like you’re enough you’ll be waiting a long time

we already have the things that can complete us they just aren’t things they are people and laughter and connection - irreplaceable

there are years in me that have not slept

you didn’t lose it happiness has always been here - you just lost perspective

i am not my worst days i am not what happened to me - reminder

not everything you do has to be self-improving you are not a machine you are a person without rest your work can never be full without play your mind can never be nourished - balance

on days i could not move it was women who came to water my feet until i was strong enough to stand it was women who nourished me back to life

we were always in survival mode long after we didn’t need to be

you are one person, but when you move, an entire community walks through you - you go nowhere alone

there is a conversation happening inside you pay deep attention to what your inner world is saying

don’t sleep on the doormat of your potential waiting for things to happen when you could be the thing that happens