“why is it
that when the story ends
we begin to feel all of it”
“a lot of times
we are angry at other people
for not doing what
we should have done for ourselves
- responsibility”
“what love looks like
what does love look like the therapist asks
one week after the breakup
and i’m not sure how to answer her question
except for the fact that i thought love
looked so much like you
that’s when it hit me
and i realized how naive i had been
to place an idea so beautiful on the image of a person
as if anybody on this entire earth
could encompass all love represented
as if this emotion seven billion people tremble for
would look like a five foot eleven
medium-sized brown-skinned guy
who likes eating frozen pizza for breakfast
what does love look like the therapist asks again
this time interrupting my thoughts midsentence
and at this point i’m about to get up
and walk right out the door
except i paid too much money for this hour
so instead i take a piercing look at her
the way you look at someone
when you’re about to hand it to them
lips pursed tightly preparing to launch into conversation
eyes digging deeply into theirs
searching for all the weak spots
they have hidden somewhere
hair being tucked behind the ears
as if you have to physically prepare for a conversation
on the philosophies or rather disappointments
of what love looks like
well i tell her
i don’t think love is him anymore
if love was him
he would be here wouldn’t he
if he was the one for me
wouldn’t he be the one sitting across from me
if love was him it would have been simple
i don’t think love is him anymore i repeat
i think love never was
i think i just wanted something
was ready to give myself to something
i believed was bigger than myself
and when i saw someone
who probably fit the part
i made it very much my intention
to make him my counterpart
and i lost myself to him
he took and he took
wrapped me in the word special
until i was so convinced he had eyes only to see me
hands only to feel me
a body only to be with me
oh how he emptied me
how does that make you feel
interrupts the therapist
well i said
it kind of makes me feel like shit
maybe we’re looking at it wrong
we think it’s something to search for out there
something meant to crash into us
on our way out of an elevator
or slip into our chair at a cafe somewhere
appear at the end of an aisle at the bookstore
looking the right amount of sexy and intellectual
but i think love starts here
everything else is just desire and projection
of all our wants needs and fantasies
but those externalities could never work out
if we didn’t turn inward and learn
how to love ourselves in order to love other people
love does not look like a person
love is our actions
love is giving all we can
even if it’s just the bigger slice of cake
love is understanding
we have the power to hurt one another
but we are going to do everything in our power
to make sure we don’t
love is figuring out all the kind sweetness we deserve
and when someone shows up
saying they will provide it as you do
but their actions seem to break you
rather than build you
love is knowing who to choose”
“you left
and i wanted you still
yet i deserved someone
who was willing to stay”
“despite knowing
they won’t be here for long
they still choose to live
their brightest lives
- sunflowers”
“it isn't what we left behind
that breaks me
it's whatever we could've built
had we stayed”
“You do not just wake up and become the butterfly"
-Growth is a process.”
“we have been dying
since we got here
and forgot to enjoy the view
- live fully”
“the right one does not
stand in your way
they make space for you
to step forward”
“i stand
on the sacrifices
of a million women before me
thinking
what can i do
to make this mountain taller
so the women after me
can see farther
- legacy”
“you ask
if we can still be friends
i explain how a honeybee
does not dream kissing
the mouth of a flower
and then settle for its leaves”
“you're everywhere
except right here
and it hurts”
“on the last day of love my heart cracked inside my body”
“i could be anything in the world but i wanted to be his”
“i hardened under the last loss. it took something human out of me. i used to be so deeply emotional i’d crumble on demand. but now the water has made its exit. of course i care about the ones around me. i’m just struggling to show it. a wall is getting in the way. i used to dream of being so strong nothing could shake me. now. i am. so strong. that nothing shakes me. and all i dream is to soften.”
“I will no longer
compare my path to others
-I refuse to do a disservice to my life”
“never feel guilty for starting again”
“i spent the entire night casting spells to bring you back”
“i am
made of water
of course i am emotional”
“borders
are man-made
they only divide us physically
don’t let them make us
turn on each other
- we are not enemies”
“this place makes me the kind of exhausted that has nothing to do with sleep and everything to do with the people around me - introvert”
“trust your body it reacts to right and wrong better than your mind does”
“my god
is not as unreachable as
they'd like you to think
my god is beating inside us infinitely”
“if I am the longest relationship
of my life
isn't it time to
nurture intimacy
and love
with the person
I lie in bed with each night”
“this morning
I told the flowers
what I'd do for you
and they blossomed”
“If I'm not the love of your life
I'll be the greatest loss instead”
“you call me to tell me you miss me
i turn to face the front door of the house
waiting for a knock
days later you call to say you need me
but still aren't here
the dandelions on the lawn
are rolling their eyes in disappointment
the grass has declared you yesterday's news
what do i care
if you love me
or miss me
or need me
when you aren't doing anything about it
if i'm not the love of your life
i'll be the greatest loss instead”
“even though we were both under the same roof of that coffee shop. i was still solar systems away from you.”
“it isn't blood that makes you my sister
it's how you understand my heart
as though you carry it
in your body”
“Your skill can never buy you love. It may win you admiration and envy, but never love. If that was what you were after, you have wasted your time.”
“They ate earth and shat out poison, leaving behind a lifeless wasteland. The alien intelligence that had created them had mastered space travel and learned to send information through time. Now they were taking our world and turning it into a facsimile of their own, every last tree, flower, insect, animal, and human be damned.”
“Mom wanted me to fight.
To live.
I'd just never dreamed that I'd have to do it alone.”
“You smell like heaven and hell all wrapped up into one"--Grant”
“You came into my life. You changed my world. You made me realize I’m capable of loving completely. You’re my one. You’re it. This is my epic love, and I can’t lose that.”
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