We Can Do Hard Things: Answers to Life's 20 Questions

I really, really think the secret to being loved is to love. And the secret to being interesting is to be interested. And the secret to having a friend is being a friend.... Be brave. Like somebody.

I actively work toward a flow state, where playing soccer feels like the most blissful and joyous thing that I ever did. I believe that if I love it, if I’m laughing, if I’m smiling, that’s when I’m at my best.

Sadness is the gap between the seen and unseen—between what we know could be, what should be, and what actually is. This is why so many visionaries have such big sadness: They ache at the way things are because they have such a strong, haunting vision of the way it could be.

Every single version of yourself was using exactly what you had in the moment, to do the best you could with what you knew. So forgive all of your old selves—no, do more than forgive; embrace and celebrate every single version of yourself who worked so hard to survive. And did. Glennon

It’s scary to know that I could do the same thing with my own life—that I could become so focused on what needs to be fixed that I don’t see the beauty of my life that needs no fixing. That I could be so busy managing my life that I miss it. Amanda

The joy of returning to our bodies - and accepting all of the pain and the scars and the history written there - is beautiful. Who fooled us into thinking that the unmarked page was more beautiful? Who did that? -Allison Russell

Trauma is not conscious. It's your body saying: This particular thing that happened is too much, too fast, too soon, or too long without enough repair. When trauma activates, your sense of self in the world drifts and gets stuck. But pervasive trauma that happens over long periods of time - in the world or in a person's body - can begin to be perceived as personality traits. Trauma in family systems can look like family traits. Trauma in a people can look like culture. Trauma in a culture can look natural and/or standard. Someone who's endured trauma might seem "crazy." They're not crazy. They're keeping themselves alive. Untended trauma responses are not defective, they are protective.

The quickest way I know to lose my mind is to try to control other folks’ narratives about me.

Seek and you shall find.

It’s not our job to protect our kids from their pain. It’s our job to let them sit in it

When somebody wants you to take up so much space and be a full person with all of your sadness and all of your fear

It made me cry to imagine myself soaking up water while someone says tenderly

You just have to say the thing out loud and let the right people find you.

I’m so grateful that I learned how to quit.

Even the absolute best decisions come with some pain. It can hurt and still be right.

Setting boundaries comes in two simple parts. The first part is saying the thing. The second part is being a strong little tree in a storm

you’re not alone. You’re just honest.

If you want to know what intuition is

Because have you ever seen anything as offensive as a carefree woman?

Anxious Attachment I have a hard time trusting my partner, even if they’ve proven themself to be trustworthy. I need constant reassurance that they won’t leave me, and I am terrified of rejection or abandonment. I feel like my worth depends on my partner’s validation. My anxious attachment formed because my caregivers were inconsistent in meeting my physical and emotional needs, which made me constantly question our connection. My caregivers also may have turned to me to satisfy their emotional cravings, rather than providing me with the consistent love and support I needed to grow. My healing involves learning to soothe myself, affirm my worth, and give myself the affirmation I am craving so that my relationships feel more reciprocal and less frantic.

It’s so funny to me that people accuse trans and nonbinary people of imposing this gender conversation on them, when the real imposition was dividing billions of complex, divine, nuanced souls into two categories: men and women. They tell you that there are only two genders, and they get away with it because they kill, disappear, erase, discredit, and delegitimize all of us who, for hundreds of years, have lived alongside you. Alok

You’re not alone, you’re part of a community that cares about you. You’re going to be lifted up. So get out of that chair. Shoulders back, chin up. Former Vice President Kamala Harris

My biggest healing practice is friendship. To be able to call people when I am on the floor, whether metaphorically or physically, and be completely transparent is so important to me. Friendship tethers me to what I like best about my life. Tracee Ellis Ross

Sometimes we can’t give those we love peace, but we can give it to ourselves, and hope it spreads.

I touch my heart. The quickest way I return to myself is to put my hand over my heart. Every time I do that, I remember I am a precious being who deserves love and peace.

Boundaries are the distance at which I can love both you and me simultaneously.