A Year By The Sea: Thoughts of an Unfinished Woman

When will I ever learn to accept what is given instead of always yearning for more? My lavish expectations too often tarnish my blessings.

too often I’ve used up precious time preparing for experiences rather than just having them.

It occurs to me that being in the fog does not have to mean being altogether lost.

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers. —Rainer Maria Rilke, LETTER TO A YOUNG POET T

Why am I more cautious as I age instead of the other way around? I wonder if it’s all tied in to failure. I tend to forget my gains and remember only the losses. The failures have piled up, wreaking havoc with my confidence until, as an adult, I’ve become afraid to take chances.

Woman must come of age by herself. She must find her true center alone. —Anne Morrow Lindbergh,

I have learned to pay attention to my instincts and take notice when I feel anxious—to remove the pebble from my shoe before it blisters, get the chicken bone out of my throat—in short, to be mindful of feelings and emotions and work with them, not run from them.

Sitting here alone is satisfying enough, but the night would be far better if shared with another—with someone whose mood meets mine, who relishes moments, whose wonder remains untainted, who appreciates simple things and says so, who laughs much, indulges heartily, is spontaneous in spirit, is quick to embrace, and sees joy as a duty! Oh,

I think it was Picasso who said he spent the first half of his life becoming an adult and the last half learning to be a child.

When one is freshly informed, has a serendipitous experience, one’s mood is changed, one’s heart is changed. That is why taking time to see, hear, be present to images and language that arise from new experiences have the power to change one from one way to another. —Clarissa Pinkola Estés, WOMEN WHO RUN WITH THE WOLVES I

giving him a tide clock instead of the proverbial watch men are so often given at retirement. We

I sing along, uplifted by the words, reminded of the way my favorite minister taught me how to pray, or rather, yield my thoughts: “Offer praise first,” she said, “then thanksgiving. Follow it with petition, asking for your need to be met, and then conclude by relinquishing control.” I find that once I do the first part, the reason for my prayer usually diminishes.

Real connection seems to happen that way—two like-minded souls meet and sniff around one another like puppy dogs, then whoosh, a moment of fission occurs, pleasantries are dropped, closely twined feelings surface, and a relationship is born.

Good things seem just to happen along. The state of feeling satisfied occurs most often when I haven’t sought it.

Today’s adventure taught me how simple it is to be involved and uplifted by nothing more complicated than the unexpected.

I steady my nerves, knowing the moment of high tide is just that, a brief time that will always reverse itself and diminish.

It seems to me that the task of the unfinished woman is to acknowledge her life as a work in progress, allowing each passage, evolution, experience to offer wisdom for her soul.

You mustn’t fret. There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.

learning that what’s important is not so much what I do to make a living as who I become in the process.

nourishment I feel can only be maintained if I stay close to the elements—fire, air, water, earth. If I surround myself with them, I shall always feel the stirrings of my soul.

are as malleable as the mermaid in the sand—unfinished men and women making new creations out of our old selves.

I’ve come to believe that love happens when you want it to. It is an intention, rather than a serendipitous occurrence. Only when one is open to receive and absorb love can it occur.

As a young bride I sent my parents letters filled with lies, wanting to convince not only them, but myself, that I was happy. It occurs to me that I will continue to know my children less if they think I want them to be more. Seeking perfection is a terrible thing when it robs you of truth. I wonder if role-playing and being careful are the chief causes of loneliness.

Instead, I mind my own business, speak when I’m spoken to, cut their fish, and pretend to like serving them. My

We cannot write in water … we cannot carve in water. Water’s nature is to flow and that is how we should treat life … emotion, negative or positive. Do not deny it but always let it flow through and then away. —Anonymous D

On stormy days, when the boat traffic was light, we would slip off our bathing suits and skinny-dip, letting the rush of water and sea lettuce caress our bodies. Our glee was punctuated with high-pitched squeals as one or the other hit a cold spot or chanced a foot on the sandy bottom, where crabs lay in wait to nibble on our toes. We

I tune the radio to a classical station playing Vivaldi’s Four Seasons, music I used to run to, a good omen, as I am running to a new life. I once heard that Olympic coaches play baroque music in the locker room before big meets to quell their athletes’ anxiety. I take a deep breath and wish for such a calm to overtake me. Still,

can’t share our real feelings, we might as well be men,” she joked one

How have I changed? I know now that I belong right in the middle of every dilemma. The solution to my problems is not to avoid them, or to follow a scripted response. I need to have enough confidence, enough self-respect, enough bravery to meet each challenge head on and pursue an original solution.