Half Lost

You've been away a long time. Were you lost? I was wounded, not lost.

Later I wake and he’s asleep and I move over him gently to kiss across his chest and listen to his slow heartbeat, and I want to stay there, listening to his heart. I feel strange. I can’t remember ever feeling like this. I think I’m sort of happy.

Learn from your mistakes but expect your enemies to learn from theirs.

People are always dying. Its a terrible habit they have and nothing you can do will change that.

Tell me about Wales. I want to go to Wales with you one day." And I smile and want to cry too. And I tell him about this special place in the mountains that I went to one summer: there was a small lake and I could climb the cliff behind it and dive into the water. And I tell him I'll take him there when the war's over.

You've been away a long time. Were you lost?' He sounds lost himself, half strangled and fighting to stay conscious. 'Wounded, not lost,' I tell him, but I do feel lost.

He says, "You know I love you. Still. Forever".

It's amazing to see the beauty of the world. It's so beautiful and so brutal. It's a reminder that every second of life is precious.

You wound me in other ways, Nathan

I’m tired of your revenge, your anger, your hate. The war is killing you.

Gabriel says, ‘He swears like Nathan, but any uneducated idiot can do that.’ I swear at him now, not sure if he’s joking or not. ‘Just tell her it’s me, Gabriel.’ He comes to me, puts a hand on my chest and looks into my eyes, saying, ‘But is it you?’ Then he leans closer to me, his body against mine, and he moves his mouth to my ear and I feel his breath as he whispers, ‘You’ve been away a long time. Were you lost?’ I turn to him, my lips brushing his hair as I mumble, ‘I got fucking wounded, bloody lost and climbed the shitting Eiger.’ ‘Close, but not exactly –’ ‘I’m sticking to the spirit of it rather than word for word.’ Gabriel turns to Greatorex, saying, ‘It’s him. But still feel free to shoot him.

Sometimes I think you're still a prisoner. You're not free of this place in your head, Nathan. And you're definitely not free of those people. They haunt you.

If I have friends how come I always feel alone?

But...what makes you Nathan--what makes you so special--is that you are both White Witch and Black Witch, both dark and full of light. That's what I love about you. What I've always loved. And I love you still, Nathan, and I know I always will. But you're changing. And now...now what I fear is that you'll get the amulet and you'll hone the Gifts you took from your father. You'll be invulnerable and you'll kill more people, many, many more people. I fear you won't be able to stop and you'll lose yourself completely. And then I'll come to dread you too.

Is Gabriel still mad at me?" "Nesbitt hesitates and then says, "On a scale of one to ten, I'd say he's at nine and a half." "So, it could be worse then." "He'll calm down." Nesbitt nudges me and says, "The best thing about arguments is the making-up after. I see a big reconciliation ahead for you two: you apologise and he takes you into his arms and --" "Nesbitt, shut up.

I'm not a hero but I can end the war

I’ve killed fifty-two people. But really all I want is to get my hands on her. I’d be happy with fifty-three. Just one more and I’ll be satisfied.

I want to be a Half Code. I want to be Black and White, the best of both.

Later I remember what I could do. It’s easy. I could kill them all.

A year ago I was being kept in this cell and I didn't want to kill anyone, not even the people who held me prisoner. I just wanted to escape, just wanted freedom. And now I have that; I have my freedom.

You have the power to fight. You do what other people can't do.

You've been away a long time. Were you lost? I turn to him, my lips brushing against his hair as I mumble, I got fucking wounded, bloody lost, and climbed the shitting Eiger.