“Now, you may think that this is some sort of generalized hatred that I will carry for the lot of you. Let me assure you that this is not the case. Each of you will fail, but you will fail in your own unique way, and therefore I will dislike each of you on an individual basis.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“I'm not insane, sir. I have a finely calibrated sense of acceptable risk.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“I did two things on my seventy-fifth birthday. I visited my wife's grave. Then I joined the army.
Visiting Kathy's grave was the less dramatic of the two.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“Damn real live people, getting in the way of peaceful ideals.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“I despise you and I love you, you who are my damnation and salvation both.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“The problem with aging is not that it's one damn thing after another—it's every damn thing, all at once, all the time.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“Guns don’t kill people. The aliens behind the triggers do.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“When you're a teenager and you're in love, it's obvious to everyone but you and the person you're in love with.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“You do what you have to do to give people closure; it makes them feel better and it doesn’t cost you much to do it. I’d rather apologize for something I didn’t really care about, and leave someone on Earth wishing me well, than to be stubborn and have that someone hoping that some alien would slurp out my brains. Call it karmic insurance.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“There has never been a military in the entire history of the human race that has gone to war equipped with more than the least that it needs to fight its enemy. War is expensive. It costs money and it costs lives and no civilization has an infinite amount of either. So when you fight, you conserve. You use and equip only as much as you have to, never more.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“Do not mourn me, friends
I fall as a shooting star
Into the next life”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“I've always liked swimming, so long as my head's above water.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“Many BrainPal users find it useful to give their BrainPal a name other than BrainPal. Would you like to name your BrainPal at this time?
"Yes," I said.
Please speak the name you would like to give your BrainPal.
"Asshole," I said.
You have selected "Asshole," the BrainPal wrote, and to its credit it spelled the word correctly. Be aware that many recruits have selected this name for their BrainPal. Would you like to chose a different name?
"No," I said, and was proud that so many of my fellow recruits also felt this way about their BrainPal.
Your BrainPal is now Asshole, the BrainPal wrote. You may change this name in the future if you like. Now you must choose an access phrase to activate Asshole. While Asshole is active at all times it will only respond to commands after it has been activated. Please choose a short phrase. Asshole suggests "Activate Asshole" but you may choose another phrase. Please say your activation phrase now.
"Hey, Asshole," I said.
You have choosen "Hey, Asshole." Please say it again to confirm. I did. Then it asked me to choose a deactivation phrase. I chose (of course) "Go away, Asshole."
Would you like Asshole to refer to itself in the first person?
"Absolutely." I said.
I am Asshole.
"Of course you are.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“After another few days, I noticed I became annoyed whenever I would actually have to ask Asshole for something. How quickly the creepy becomes commonplace.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“I’m a monster. You’re a monster. We’re all fucking inhuman monsters, and we don’t see a damned thing wrong with it.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“Part of what makes us human is what we mean to other people, and what people mean to us. I miss meaning something to someone, having that part of being human.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“If you’re the best that the Earth has got to offer, it’s time we bend over and get a tentacle right up the ass.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“The universe is a big place. Maybe we're not in the best neighborhood.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“This is my rife. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rife is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I have master my life. My rife, without me, is useless. Without my rife, I am useless. I must fire my rife true. I must shoot before he shoots me. And I will. - Marine Rife Creed”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“How do you like your peace now, motherfucker?”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“The idea of spending another six hours with Leon and his farts was more than I could take.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“I'm going to go pee. If the universe is bigger and stranger than I can imagine, it's best to meet it with an empty bladder.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“Well, I miss my wife, you know," I said. "But I also miss the feeling of, I don’t know, comfort. The sense you’re where you’re supposed to be, with someone you’re supposed to be with.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“In the next room, a very nice young lady, who happened to be completely naked, wanted me to tell her anything I could possibly remember about my seventh birthday party.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“After our negotiations were completed, the dome would be imploded and launched toward the nearest black hole, so that none of its atoms would ever contaminate this particular universe again. I thought that last part was overkill.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
“I’m a seething cauldron of disconnected rage on the inside, Lieutenant.” “Ah, repression,” Keyes said. “Excellent. Try to avoid taking a potshot at me when you finally blow, please.” “I can’t promise anything, sir,” Alan said.”
― John Scalzi, quote from Old Man's War
John Scalzi
Born place: in The United States
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“E chi avesse voluto conoscere Amore, fare lo potea mirando lo tremare de li occhi miei.”
― Dante Alighieri, quote from Vita Nuova
“--Here, my good man. Could you tell me whereabouts Horatio Street...good heavens.
Thus called upon, he took courage; the sursum corda of an extravagant belch straightened him upright, and he answered, --Whfffck? Whether this was an approach to discussion he had devised himself, or a subtle adaptation of the Socratic method of questioning perfected in the local athenaeums which he attended until closing time, was not to be known; for the answer was,
--Stand aside.”
― William Gaddis, quote from The Recognitions
“Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time;
He's a Cat who has lived many lives in succession.
He was famous in proverb and famous in rhyme
A long while before Queen Victoria's accession.
Old Deuteronomy's buried nine wives
And more – I am tempted to say, ninety-nine;
And his numerous progeny prospers and thrives
And the village is proud of him in his decline.
At the sight of that placid and bland physiognomy,
When he sits in the sun on the vicarage wall,
The Oldest Inhabitant croaks: "Well, of all …
Things … Can it be … really! … No! … Yes! …
Ho! hi!
Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy!"
Old Deuteronomy sits in the street,
He sits in the High Street on market day;
The bullocks may bellow, the sheep they may bleat,
But the dogs and the herdsman will turn them away.
The cars and the lorries run over the kerb,
And the villagers put up a notice: ROAD CLOSED —
So that nothing untoward may chance to disturb
Deuteronomy's rest when he feels so disposed
Or when he's engaged in domestic economy:
And the Oldest Inhabitant croaks: "Well of all …
Things … Can it be … really! … No! … Yes! …
Ho! hi!
Oh, my eye!
My sight's unreliable, but I can guess
That the cause of the trouble is Old Deuteronomy!”
― T.S. Eliot, quote from Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats
“Some hours later Cooper took the packet of ash from his pocket, where earlier in the evening he had put it for greater security, and threw it angrily at a man who had given him great offence. It bounced, burst, off the wall on to the floor, where at once it became the object of much dribbling, passing, trapping, shooting, punching, heading and even some recognition from the gentleman's code. By closing time the body, mind and soul of Murphy were freely distributed over the floor of the saloon; and before another dayspring greyened the earth had been swept away with the sand, the beer, the butts, the glass, the matches, the spits, the vomit.”
― Samuel Beckett, quote from Murphy
“Tristan was silent for a few moments, looking at the leaves before them. "Life isn't about the past and the future. It's about today." He paused. "It's about five minutes from now and two seconds ago. It's moments, you know? Not years. Years aren't what define us.”
― Chelsea Fine, quote from Anew
The Brooklyn Follies
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