“Don't you do that.
Don't you look at what I had for you and call it weak.
Not when you were the one afraid of it.
I stood there with my hands open,
my mouth bruised tender with supplication.
Don't you dare treat me like a victim of my own emotions,
like being moved to my knees by love
was a mistake that I regret.
I will go to my grave with the memory of the bravery in my bones.”
― Caitlyn Siehl, quote from What We Buried
“My mother tells me
that when I meet someone I like,
I have to ask them three questions:
1. what are you afraid of?
2. do you like dogs?
3. what do you do when it rains?
of those three, she says the first one is the most important.
“They gotta be scared of something, baby. Everybody is. If they aren’t afraid of anything, then they don’t believe in anything, either.”I asked you what you were afraid of.
“spiders, mostly. being alone. little children, like, the ones who just learned how to push a kid over on the playground. oh and space. holy shit, space.”
I asked you if you liked dogs.
“I have three.”
I asked you what you do when it rains.
“sleep, mostly. sometimes I sit at the window and watch the rain droplets race. I make a shelter out of plastic in my backyard for all the stray animals; leave them food and a place to sleep.”
he smiled like he knew.
like his mom told him the same
thing.
“how about you?”
me?
I’m scared of everything.
of the hole in the o-zone layer,
of the lady next door who never
smiles at her dog,
and especially of all the secrets
the government must be breaking
it’s back trying to keep from us.
I love dogs so much, you have no idea.
I sleep when it rains.
I want to tell everyone I love them.
I want to find every stray animal and bring them home.
I want to wake up in your hair
and make you shitty coffee
and kiss your neck
and draw silly stick figures of us.
I never want to ask anyone else
these questions
ever again.”
― Caitlyn Siehl, quote from What We Buried
“When the boys come with the intention of hurting you,
my advice will always stay the same, my darling:
Give 'em hell.”
― Caitlyn Siehl, quote from What We Buried
“They all tell you not to fight fire with fire,
but that is only because they are afraid of your flames.”
― Caitlyn Siehl, quote from What We Buried
“When the boys yell after you like hyenas, you yell back, baby.
I will not teach you to be afraid of your anger
so that you look for it in others.
I will not make you be the better person,
because you already are.
You wanna fight 'em? Fight 'em.
Don't you dare apologize for the fierce love
you have for yourself
and the lengths you go to preserve it.”
― Caitlyn Siehl, quote from What We Buried
“This is the place I finally learned what it meant
to dance alone to the song you put in my chest.
Thanks for the symphony.
I can still hear it when I think of you,
and it is so much like remembering.”
― Caitlyn Siehl, quote from What We Buried
“My mother tells me
that when I meet someone I like,
I have to ask them three questions:
1. what are you afraid of?
2. do you like dogs?
3. what do you do when it rains?
of those three, she says the first one is the most important.
“They gotta be scared of something, baby. Everybody is. If they aren’t afraid of anything, then they don’t believe in anything, either.”
I asked you what you were afraid of.
“spiders, mostly. being alone. little children, like, the ones who just learned how to push a kid over on the playground. oh and space. holy shit, space.”
I asked you if you liked dogs.
“I have three.”
I asked you what you do when it rains.
“sleep, mostly. sometimes I sit at the window and watch the rain droplets race. I make a shelter out of plastic in my backyard for all the stray animals; leave them food and a place to sleep.”
he smiled like he knew.
like his mom told him the same
thing.
“how about you?”
me?
I’m scared of everything.
of the hole in the o-zone layer,
of the lady next door who never
smiles at her dog,
and especially of all the secrets
the government must be breaking
it’s back trying to keep from us.
I love dogs so much, you have no idea.
I sleep when it rains.
I want to tell everyone I love them.
I want to find every stray animal and bring them home.
I want to wake up in your hair
and make you shitty coffee
and kiss your neck
and draw silly stick figures of us.
I never want to ask anyone else
these questions
ever again.”
― Caitlyn Siehl, quote from What We Buried
“I am a city of sounds.
I will keep you safe.
I know I am supposed to feel ugly.
They all tell me that no woman
should look so well-traveled,
but they do not know.
I am earth. I am sun and skies.
I am the high road, the low road.
I am every poem about skin.
I am a world that cannot be explored in one day.
I am not a place for cowards.”
― Caitlyn Siehl, quote from What We Buried
“I will learn your anger. I will lick your sadness.
I will feast on your hunger.”
― Caitlyn Siehl, quote from What We Buried
“I promise a banquet for our ending.
I promise a parade of drums for the day you
close the door behind you for the last time.
I promise not to carry you around with me like a mistake
or a pack of gum, even when I forget what you taste like.
When they ask me about you,
I will always smile.
I will say your name and it will sound
like “thank you.”
― Caitlyn Siehl, quote from What We Buried
“When your little girl asks you if she's pretty,
your heart will drop like a wineglass on the hardwood floor.
Part of you will want to say
“Of course you are, don't ever question it,”
and the other part, the part that is clawing at you,
will want to grab her by her shoulders,
look straight into the wells of her eyes
until they echo back to you and say
“You do not have to be if you don't want to. It is not your job.”
Both will feel right.
One will feel better.
She will only understand the first.
When she wants to cut her hair off
or wear her brother's clothes,
you will feel the words in your mouth like marbles.
“You do not have to be pretty if you don't want to.
It is not your job.”
― Caitlyn Siehl, quote from What We Buried
“DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE LIKE ME
Do not fall in love with people like me.
People like me will love you so hard
that you turn into stone,
into a statue where people come to marvel at how long
it must have taken to carve that faraway look into your eyes.
Do not fall in love with people like me.
We will take you to museums and parks and monuments
and kiss you in every beautiful place
so that you can never go back to them
without tasting us like blood in your mouth.
Do not come any closer.
People like me are bombs.
When our time is up, we will splatter loss all over your walls
in angry colors that make you wish your doorway
never learned our name.
Do not fall in love with people like me.
With the lonely ones.
We will forget our own names if it means learning yours.
We will make you think that hurricanes are gentle,
that pain is a gift.
You will get lost in the desperation, in the longing
for something that is always reaching,
but never able to hold.
Do not fall in love with people like me.
We will destroy your apartment.
We will throw apologies at you that shatter on the floor
and cut your feet.
We will never learn how to be soft.
We will leave.
We always do.”
― Caitlyn Siehl, quote from What We Buried
“Do not fall in love with people like me.
We will take you to museums and parks and monuments
and kiss you in every beautiful place
so that you can never go back to them
without tasting us like blood in your mouth.”
― Caitlyn Siehl, quote from What We Buried
Caitlyn Siehl
Born place: The United States
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“A long time ago I realized that, as psychiatrists, we had to have a healthy respect for our own humanness, and our own smallness in the face of what we were dealing with. If a person got better, we could appreciate that we had done a good job, but we also needed to realize that God – or luck – was on our side. If the person got worse and had to go to a state hospital, we had to keep ourselves from feeling that we hadn’t done enough. For the truth is, we were powerless in so many of these situations. We did what we could, but sometimes the illness was just bigger than we were. (233)”
― quote from The Quiet Room: A Journey Out of the Torment of Madness
“Restlessness is a fickle catalyst; it can drive you to achieve or it can coax your demise, and sometimes the choice isn't yours”
― Slash, quote from Slash
“The love object occupies the thoughts of the person diagnosed as 'in love' all the time despite the probability that very little is actually known about it. To it are ascribed all qualities considered by the obsessed as good, regardless of whether the object in question possesses those qualities in any degree. Expectations are set up which no human being could fulfill. Thus the object chosen plays a special role in relation to the go of the obsessed, who decided that he or she is the right or the only person for him. In the case of a male this notion may sanction a degree of directly aggressive behavior either in pursuing the object or driving off competition.”
― Germaine Greer, quote from The Female Eunuch
“Adam took one hand off the handlebars and fingered the envelope in his inside pocket like a schoolboy the day before his birthday feeling the shape of a present in the hope of discovering some clue as to its contents. He felt certain that whatever it contained would not be to anyone's advantage now his father was dead, but it did not lessen his curiosity.”
― Jeffrey Archer, quote from A Matter of Honor
“There was no point in lying. "Yes. I am following you."
Her carefully controlled exterior faltered. "Why?"
"Because I like you. I'm sorry if that makes you nervous."
All the color drained from her face. "I thought you thought I was crazy."
"I like crazy."
"You're unbelievable," she grumbled.
"So I've been told.”
― Anne Greenwood Brown, quote from Lies Beneath
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